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#1
Dec 18, 2009, 08:34 PM
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I'm quickly going downhill. Just a week ago I felt wonderful, at the top of my game. Not manic, just really stable. Monday I started feeling off. It's Friday now and I'm clearly in a mixed episode. I've been on the phone with my t and my pdoc. They are well aware of what's happening. My pdoc offered to admit me to the hospital today. I'm just not ready to go there yet. I'm having racing suicidal thoughts, but I'm not actively suicidal at this point. If I can keep the impulsiveness from kicking in, surely I can get through this.
I hate this. I am so angry that this is happening again. |
 lonegael
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#2
Dec 18, 2009, 09:40 PM
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I'm sorry this is happening to you. Please make sure you are safe. I went through a mixed episode over the summer so I can imagine how you feel. It's awful.
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#3
Dec 18, 2009, 10:18 PM
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This is definitely a bummer farmergirl... hang in there... I hear you when you say you're hoping to keep the impulsiveness out. No one wants to go into the hospital, especially so close to the holidays and all that. I frequently have the crazy suicidal thoughts but since being on Lithium, I haven't had any real urges and no impulsiveness related to suicidal stuff. I'm happy you were able to reach out to your pdoc and T. Hopefully with careful outpatient follow-up you'll be able to stay out of the hospital. I hope you feel better soon and realize that this WILL pass. It's just a cycle... it will go away (I know that still sucks but just sometimes helps for me to think about that and realize I won't always feel horrible). Take care!!!
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| lonegael
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#4
Dec 18, 2009, 11:33 PM
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Thanks guys, it is so good to know there are people out there who understand.
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| lonegael
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#5
Dec 19, 2009, 12:50 PM
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Sorry you are going thru this right now. Be sure to stay in touch with your pdoc if it gets serious. Stay in touch
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#6
Dec 19, 2009, 02:20 PM
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I'm thinking of you.
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#7
Dec 20, 2009, 12:54 PM
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((((((((((((((((((((chris))))))))))))))))))))))
had my first mixed state recently, but was lucky & it only lasted a day or two. sure felt terrible, tho. i care.
__________________
dx Bipolar I  Current meds: Lithium, Depakote, Risperdol, Zoloft, Trazadone =============================== "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the king's horses And all the king's men Couldn't put Humpty together again." That's me - just tryin' to get put back together again...... |
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#8
Dec 21, 2009, 01:11 AM
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I hate mixed states. My thoughts are all negative and death focused. And they're going so fast I can't counter them. The lack of sleep doesn't help either. And the irritability makes no one else want to be around me.
__________________
It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction! ---"Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society". Abraham Lincoln Online. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. September 30, 1859. |
| lonegael
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