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Old Jan 22, 2010, 04:55 AM
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Ascension Ascension is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2008
Location: Midwest
Posts: 443
It kind of feels like a grumbling in my subconscious. At the fringe of my minds eye. It lingers in my periphery stalking me, watching me. I wish I could focus my eyes on it but whenever I try to train my awareness on it there is nothing there. I am not accustomed to not knowing. I have, for the most part figured it out. But now, for some reason it eludes me. I can feel it and because of it I am leery. I am afraid to sleep but don't want to wake. The shadow it casts is ever so subtle, I can barely feel it making me doubt that it's even there. But I have been here before. I can feel it. It... feels a bit like home.

I'm not critical but I am worried that I am on the verge. I know even if it comes it will pass, but when I have done so well for so long... I don't know if I am conditioned for the ride anymore. To use an analogy I feel like an athlete who is out of shape being challenged unexpectedly. It scares me to think that this used to be my ruin. I hope it doesn't return to me like the old days. Every time it comes I fear it will be the end of the a dynasty. I have a small family who needs me. For them I can't be allowed to go to that place I call home.

Despite my unwillingness to go to bed, my medication has made that a more manageable feat. Till tomorrow. You all stay safe.
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I have wandered the darkness, a place I call home, for a long time looking for peace, and there is peace even in here. I hope I can help you find your peace.

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  #2  
Old Jan 22, 2010, 05:23 AM
lonegael's Avatar
lonegael lonegael is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2009
Location: Sweden, back of beyond
Posts: 3,448
Same to you. Stay safe. It sounds like you might be in a switch. I get that type of thing sometimes when i am on the way up or down. Huggs, and sleep well.
  #3  
Old Jan 22, 2010, 07:31 AM
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rcsweep rcsweep is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension View Post
It kind of feels like a grumbling in my subconscious. At the fringe of my minds eye. It lingers in my periphery stalking me, watching me. I wish I could focus my eyes on it but whenever I try to train my awareness on it there is nothing there. I am not accustomed to not knowing. I have, for the most part figured it out. But now, for some reason it eludes me. I can feel it and because of it I am leery. I am afraid to sleep but don't want to wake. The shadow it casts is ever so subtle, I can barely feel it making me doubt that it's even there. But I have been here before. I can feel it. It... feels a bit like home.

I'm not critical but I am worried that I am on the verge. I know even if it comes it will pass, but when I have done so well for so long... I don't know if I am conditioned for the ride anymore. To use an analogy I feel like an athlete who is out of shape being challenged unexpectedly. It scares me to think that this used to be my ruin. I hope it doesn't return to me like the old days. Every time it comes I fear it will be the end of the a dynasty. I have a small family who needs me. For them I can't be allowed to go to that place I call home.

Despite my unwillingness to go to bed, my medication has made that a more manageable feat. Till tomorrow. You all stay safe.
i have bin "home sick" of late. but i know i've grown and no longer live there, so i do not stay for long. their is something comforting in the familar but there is no future in it.
if you visit home, know you no longer live there and have a place to go.
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"Oh my! here we go. Another loose cannon gone bipolar. slip down, couldn't get much lower, quick sand got no sense of humor, I'm still laughing like hell...." shinedown
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