[needing support]

I am a 29 y/o female. As a child, I was always anxious and worried. As a teenager, I became severly depressed and suicidal, with a very low self esteem. As my early 20s came around, I began to notice not only the depression, but my mood cycling. I have peices of paper that I have wrote down my feelings on and to this day, still have from years ago that descibed how I felt. Just before I entered nursing school (the first time), I had my first breakdown. By that, I mean a loss of functioning, motivation, and depression. As far as mania, I would have to say I was also expreincing mixed signs at the time as well. I dropped out of nursing school as a result of this. It was devstating, not only to me, but my family as well. I had wored so hard and was able to work so hard probably because of the mania to an extent. Went back to nursing school, had more problems with mood and saw pdoc. Was diagnosed with bipolar and my school worked with me so I could complete my classes.
Today I am an RN and I passed my state board the 1st time with the min # of questions. It has been almost 3 years ago that I graduated. It was hurtful to go through what I have gone through. To always feel like the outcast, either actual or percieved. To have people talk about me. I get lonely. It is helping me to write this right now. I use food as comfort, and as a result deal with my weight problem and the insecurity that comes from that.
I do see a pdoc regurally, and take my medication. My illness has still interfered with my career. The stress gets too much or I have problems socially with people and do not know how to deal.

My hope is that someone will read this and understand my pain. I want people to be encouraged and know that others are dealing with similar issues and you can make it. I am still hear. I thank God for the days that he gives me.

Thanks for reading my story and forgiving my excessive use of commas!

[Ascension]

Welcome to PC needing support. I hope you find a home here.

[lettersfromjuliet]

Originally Posted by needing support

I am a 29 y/o female. As a child, I was always anxious and worried. As a teenager, I became severly depressed and suicidal, with a very low self esteem. As my early 20s came around, I began to notice not only the depression, but my mood cycling. I have peices of paper that I have wrote down my feelings on and to this day, still have from years ago that descibed how I felt. Just before I entered nursing school (the first time), I had my first breakdown. By that, I mean a loss of functioning, motivation, and depression. As far as mania, I would have to say I was also expreincing mixed signs at the time as well. I dropped out of nursing school as a result of this. It was devstating, not only to me, but my family as well. I had wored so hard and was able to work so hard probably because of the mania to an extent. Went back to nursing school, had more problems with mood and saw pdoc. Was diagnosed with bipolar and my school worked with me so I could complete my classes.
Today I am an RN and I passed my state board the 1st time with the min # of questions. It has been almost 3 years ago that I graduated. It was hurtful to go through what I have gone through. To always feel like the outcast, either actual or percieved. To have people talk about me. I get lonely. It is helping me to write this right now. I use food as comfort, and as a result deal with my weight problem and the insecurity that comes from that.
I do see a pdoc regurally, and take my medication. My illness has still interfered with my career. The stress gets too much or I have problems socially with people and do not know how to deal.

My hope is that someone will read this and understand my pain. I want people to be encouraged and know that others are dealing with similar issues and you can make it. I am still hear. I thank God for the days that he gives me.

Thanks for reading my story and forgiving my excessive use of commas!

Im 21 and definitely feeling the effects of bipolar on college. I want to go into medicine (PA- Neonatology) but with a bad memory (from bipolar medicine or thyroid problems) and still having problems with stress.. the road seems like an uphill battle. I'm just trying to stay positive. I also understand feeling of being out of sync with other people. I feel that the other people who really understand me is my therapist and my very best friend (her daughter) who is going into psychology. I don't know peers suffering from bipolar. People just don't understand the feeling of no control that bipolar leaves us with. Here to talk if you need! Thats really really great that you're an RN!! CONGRATS

[Anneinside]

Boy, having your friend be the child of your psychologist sounds like a reach breach of ethics and boundaries even though it seems to be working for you.

[gravyyy]

I hear you needing support. I also am an RN... 4 years in now. I never sought help for my mood until I was working as a nursse in an intense peds ER (Level 1 trauma, 69 bed ER). After a year and 4 months straight night shift I decided the stress was getting to me and I had all along thought I was depressed but it was getting worse so I saw my family doc. What happened next was a rapid succession of seeing a T, seeing a pdoc, 2 hospitalizations, lots of meds in varying combinations (none of which worked well).

I decided to enroll in a Master's degree program in fall 2007 but still have not finished because of my concentration problems. To be honest, not trying to gloat or anything like that, nursing school was really easy for me. I graduated top of my class 4.0 gpa, gave the commencement speech for the university (1200 graduates), headed 2 organizations, worked between 30 and 40 hours per week... I felt depressed but never wanted to check about it so it's not like I was manic. I was just able to focus and get things done. Now I can't even watch a TV program or search online for things because I'm scattered. I have completed 20 hours of classes with As but it's soooo much harder. It takes so much more effort and it's a lot more stressful and I can't take any stress right now.

My mood is still all over the place (though I've never been manic). I also quit my job in the ER and switched to an outpatient family medicine residency program (25 total docs). That was much better but now I moved back home and am working in home care. I knew I couldn't take a job with shifts or anything really high stress (though home care is way more stressful than I thought... a ton of accountability and responsibility).

It sounds like you've done the best you can with your illness and getting through school. It's not an easy task but you worked with the program and got through it. I guess the only advice I have is to pay attention to stressors. For me that really will trigger an episode (usually depression) that can last for months. Also, work with your doc about meds. It's hard to be a good nurse while battling moods and side effects. Let the doc know that any med changes need to be done over time so that you won't have trouble functioning. Not sure this was helpful, but just know that I hear you and I 'get it.' Good luck with this. Feel free to PM me any time. Take care.

[lettersfromjuliet]

Well I had talked to her a few times in highschool, my family was never supportive or understood anything I was going through, my friend saw this and told me to talk to her mom. When my problems got worse in college and I needed a therapist, I wanted her because she had known me for over 4 years and saw my increase in manic states etc. I told her that if she didn't want to I would completely understand, she said that we could try it and see how it goes. I do pay her and I have been seeing her professionally for about 8 months now. I couldn't be happier and she knows that she can bow out anytime she wants.

[Anneinside]

Originally Posted by lettersfromjuliet

Well I had talked to her a few times in highschool, my family was never supportive or understood anything I was going through, my friend saw this and told me to talk to her mom. When my problems got worse in college and I needed a therapist, I wanted her because she had known me for over 4 years and saw my increase in manic states etc. I told her that if she didn't want to I would completely understand, she said that we could try it and see how it goes. I do pay her and I have been seeing her professionally for about 8 months now. I couldn't be happier and she knows that she can bow out anytime she wants.

It is great that the two of you discussed the possible ramifications of having both the relationships, professional and personal, at the same time. I was just a little worried for you.

[lettersfromjuliet]

Originally Posted by Anneinside

It is great that the two of you discussed the possible ramifications of having both the relationships, professional and personal, at the same time. I was just a little worried for you.

I appreciate your concern. I know it sounds strange but as of now its working for me!