[BNLsMOM]

With everything going on with me, it just occurred to me that I have been a bit off lately.

I was a lot stressed about packing for my trip and even though I had a list, I couldn't collect my thoughts enough to pack without a lot of help. Then we watched The Informant. If you want a pretty decent account of a bipolar mind, at least the speed and disconnected way I think, watch this movie.

Then I thought about the fact that I have been thinking quickly, talking quickly and louder. I have been making connections and noticing a lot of synchronicity. I have been getting angry a lot and irritated over the littlest things because they mess up my high speed Amtrak of thought. I have been getting into arguments with my husband and snapping at my kids.

Here's the kicker... I have a bank account that I use for extras so that it doesn't come out of our joint account. Usually I will buy a Starbucks and a snack or two for the kids and spend maybe $10 in a week sometimes less. This week with the excuse of getting ready for my trip, I spent almost $400 on clothes for myself. Granted, I have put on a lot of weight with Lithium and needed some new things, but I shop at places that arent expensive and at sales, so knowing that, $400 is a little overboard. I am glad I didn't buy the bag I had picked out. Also, on two different days, the total was exactly the same. And for more synchronicity, I had to buy art supplies for my art class and the total for that came out to the same as well. Three different days, three different stores, the same total three times. Don't even get me started on the significance of the number three in the universe.

So anyway, I am going to bring my art supplies with me on my trip and try my best to chill. (and not think about how my amateur painting is as good as any professional and should hang in a gallery. It isn't but the thought crosses my mind when I paint something I like.)

I guess in a long and rambling way, I am saying that I think stress sets off episodes for me.

Do you all think I am hypomanic or more? Then again I might be mixed because of the SI stuff going on.

I'll be safe because I am visiting my family on vacation.

[Pughead]

Sounds hypomanic. You've been spending more than you should, and your mind is racing, you get upset when your train or trains of thought are interrupted.

And yes, stress can definitely induce episodes! One way or the other. I don't think you're full blown manic. You sound coherent enough to recognize what's going on. Full blown mania usually includes psychotic features, such as grandiose delusions or sometimes disturbing delusions of persecution, and even sometimes hallucinations. Also, people in full blown mania have a greater tendency to do things that really mess up their lives. Like spending all their money, 401K or whatever on some theory that an investment that he/she is convinced will bring a massive amount of reward...or, they gamble it all on one hand of blackjack! They make more irrational decisions, but that can happen in hypomania too. A bad one for me is driving. I'll recognize that I'm in a hypomanic state, or some kind of altered state that includes hypomanic features. I'll be driving down industrial roads at speeds over 100mph. I have enough sense to not speed in residential areas, because I have kids. On the highway i might pass someone at 110mph or more. I'm fortunate to not have caused any accidents...when i drive at high speed the lane I'm in is clear. But I could easily be in jail for reckless endangerment if ever caught. I'm getting better though, with age I think...and getting speeding tickets accompanied by higher insurance rates does help to keep me in check
It doesn't help that I have a pretty fast car either.

You sound really self aware of your symptoms, so try to keep that in mind, self-awareness. Don't judge yourself. I hope that you find balance. Enjoy your vacation!

[BashfullOne]

At least you are aware that your Hypomanic - that's good. You sound like me when I'm "trying" to get ready for a vacation. Our vacation isn't until Sept - and I'm already making everyone get thier days off set up, and worrying about what I should take in the way of clothes as one day is hot that night is cold.... LOL It's months away yet!! I'm wanting to go shopping now so that I have the clothes I need... And I'm feeling pretty good - for a week now I've been "happy". That's a LONG time for me. I usually only have one happy day in a 3 month time. Enough about me!

As you are aware of whats going on you can some what control it. Have a great vacation!

[steck]

I definitely think you are hyomanic-the racing thoughts and irritability and impulsive buying are red flags. I have experienced the same problems, and finally had enough sense to cut up my credit cards, and now use cash or my check card only. Reach out to your husband or friends and tell them what you are up to, before you get in too deep.
A few years ago I impulsively purchased $70,000.00 worth of jewelry over the jewelry channel--told no one because of my shame for a long time, then I I finally told my family.

[BNLsMOM]

Luckily I have set up an account for myself that is limited so that I don't get in trouble. No credit cards for me.

I feel calmer now that I have landed in Florida and am with my family. I am looking back and realize that I was slowly ramping up to the point where i spent the money and said, "Uh-oh.." It was a period of a couple of weeks. I noticed earlier this week that I was speed talking and speed thinking.

I hope to melt away my recent stress while I am on vacation and then come home refreshed.