If I disappear

it is because I made the mistake of telling my husband that I was reading about schizophrenia and sxhizoaffective because I suspect there is something beyond my bipolar.

He has threatened to take the internet away.

If I am suddenly gone, that is why.

That is stupid way to react. If you actually are its very important to find out so he can get the best treatment for it.

It makes you wonder how he would have reacted if you weren't diagnosed as BP yet and he refused to let you see if you possible were.

Its your internet too remember. You aren't a child.

He's frightened, probably downright scared that it might be true and he thinks he can change it by denial. Keep those conversations only with your pdoc and T until confirmed.
If you disappear, we know what happened

He makes everything about himself. yes, he is scared, but he can't imagine how I must feel.

Even when I get a cold, he says, "Oh, great, i can't afford to be sick. Stay away."

No, I can't control his reactions, but I was hoping for support because I am afraid. I have no one who I feel safe with except my T, but I am only in his office for two hours each week.

Your husband may have a good point. Remember your pdoc telling you that you probably shouldn't be looking up all the meds info because you seem to identify with it all? They say they same about trying diagnose yourself via the internet. The more we read, the more convinced we are that everything we read is about ourselves. Calm down. No one has diagnosed you. Trying to diagnose yourself over the internet is a really bad idea. You would say the same thing to someone else if they came on here saying what you are saying. You know you would.

If you want this explored, fine. Let the professionals do that. In the meantime, calm yourself down and stop reading everything on the internet about it. You'll just stir yourself up that way and there's not a thing you can do about right now anyway.

Your husband is right about this one.

I hope that doesn't happen. I would miss you

OK so I am still here so far...

My T made this point as well. He may be right this time, but shouldn't I be educated and allowed to educate myself?

Also, when I go to my husband for help because I am afraid, shouldn't I receive support rather than punishment?

My T assurred me that although he sees a lot of phobias and paranoia going on, that these things come with bipolar, and he thinks that schizophrenia would have presented itself differently and earlier.

When I get a new p-doc, he thinks I should ask for more diagnostics if I am feeling unsure.