trigger...in a rage

im so f******g mad right now. My husband assumes because im not computer savvy that i wouldnt know how to look up the history,, and quite by accident i figured it out and weve only had a home computer for a week, A WEEK, and hes already typed in topless women, what the f***!!!! Like, we or rather i said i didnt want that crap on our family computer, which we share with a 7 year old, and what is that?? why are men all the same?? and he will encourage me to GO TO CHURCH!!! yeah, and hes all thinking about this sh** as soon as we get the internet??? IM SOO DISGUSTED, so i call him at work and tell him im seriously pissed and he goes"people send that, i didnt look it up"" its in the yahoo history thing!!!! OMG im gonna go crazy on his *****!! what is wrong with him?.....

I'm a single person but I do believe it is wrong. Generally I believe that adults are entitled to do whatever they like as long as it doesn't hurt someone else. Clearly there isn't an understanding between the two of you that it's cool for him to look at these sites. Some marriages would allow that and that's their business, but him lying about the fact that he searched for that type of site clearly indicates he knows very well that you wouldn't see it as appropriate and yes, your child does need to be protected from this. And if you found out that quickly how to look up the computer usage history (good on you for that - I've been computing for years and would have no idea how to do that) can you imagine how quickly your child will find out how to do it?? You now how computer and gizmo savvy kids are these days.

There's something else I feel I should mention. My psychologist suggested I read a book called The Brain that Changes Itself. She suggested it to me to give me hope that all my hard work in battling Bipolar is not wasted and that I AM changing my brain for the better. But it has a whole section relating to addiction to Internet Porn. I'm a sober alcoholic (11 years in AA) and even a recovered person in AA, this discussion about Internet Porn Addiction scared me. It's very insidious - like, say gambling, where the high you get by betting a certain amount just triggers the brain to want more, and then of course there are tragic consquence as the illness escalates, the same dynamic happens with Internet Porn.

I don't know what the answer is for you, except if you are seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist for yourself, discuss it with them and get support - and even specific support for your husband. Unless you husband is faced with consequences he won't stop, and even if faced with consequences he may not stop. I don't know useage patterns around this stuff but it does make me wonder, if he jumped straight in like that, with a new computer, has he been accessing material like this elsewhere?

((((((((((Leah))))))))))))))

Have you thought about putting up locks on the computer? There are ways to block ceratin sites, such as porn sites.

Sending my support and best wishes
Typo

Yes I agree with Typo. Make sure the computer in a high traffic area and put a safety filter for your son. When I read your post - the first thing I thought was maybe it was your son who typed it in because most men wouldn't type 'topless women'. I have 2 girls 8 and 11 and I'm shocked at what they hear at school. Has your son been on the computer yet - not meaning to offend you. Right away ask the store where you bought it how to block porn sites.

thank you, your response quite calmed me, and your right, i will mention it to my t. my first response was i should break the computer or his head!! SIGH, i will work with this....thank you

hi, (((typo)))) thank you and do you possibly know just how to put locks on certain websites from being viewed??? just wondering, let me know if you will, thank you.... leah

hi (((lynnP.)))) well i only have a daughter and shes just 7 years old, in 1st grade, but i agree, some children know WAY TOO MUCH ABOUT ADULT THINGS!!! im going to see if i can research how to put locks? on those type of websites, thanks for your concern, it means alot, thank you

oh no I don't know how myself, when I had my laptop I never set blocks, and the family computer doesn't have any either, I think it depends on the browser your using, you could post in the techincal forum here, or go to the place you purchased the computer and they will show you how for free

Best wishes
Typo

Take a step back and breathe. Clearly this is something that you and your husband need to discuss. Going into it in a rage isn't going to foster much discussion and will only get everyone's defenses up. Try to talk about it together, not yell at each other about it. That would be an important first step.

Sorry I thought you had a son . On my daughters computer we have microsoft windows and there's a feature called 'family safety'. I installed it to prevent any bad websites coming through when my daughters are on it. I don't know about guards to prevent your husband but I'm sure there is. Make sure you have good virus protection - this is essential. This is the problem with computers - it can be so tempting for men to look at porn. Can you keep the computer in an open area? I'm sorry you're upset and I hope you both work it out.

I understnad your rage... I came across that sort of thing (only a tad worse) on my parents computer and I went into the same rage... I was so angry dad would be doing that sort of thing and be married to my mom. I think he had been doing it for so long that he didnt even know how to show affection to my mom anymore... yeah that really hits a nerve. I agree that he got on it so quickly on your new computer he may have been looking at it elsewhere. But you have to look at the positive as well. it could have been much much worse. just take a breath... and wait until this evening to talk about it. you should be much calmer by then

I've never had to use an internet block program, but I've heard this one is really good: http://internet-filter-review.topten...ny-review.html

The only thing is that your husband would probably be pretty angry if you didn't give him the password to bypass the security...but at least you can block inappropriate content from your daughter...best of luck

hi farmergirl, after some time,and excuses,i do feel calmer, thank you for the support, that was just what it took

hi grizmom, thanks for the website, and your right he might feel odd if i didnt give him a heads up!! take care

kadesgirl, im sorry you had this problem, it would feel more a betrayl if it was my dad, not my husband, seems so offensive and and selfish, im sorry that happened. taking a deep breath and listening to the excuse"its spam" did calm me somewhat, like whats with these guys? appreciate whats real in front of you!!! you take care