[sugahorse1]

Having one of those days. Not quite sure where I'm at. Think I've just come out of a hypomanic episode (I'm a very rapid cycler, +-1 week) and the last two days I have not been able to describe my emotions at all.

Some posts by others have affected me ridiculously, and at other times I feel strong as a rock. I am either highly emotional, exhausted, dull... I actually don't know.

I keep having to go back on my posts as I've restarted a sentence halfway along the sentence (That probably doesn't make sense, but I effectively duplicate parts of the sentence) It's like I switch off entirely and don't realise quite what I'm doing.

At some stage I can get so emotional, all I want is to be held. I kind of feel like crying but I'm not there. Not at that stage, and I definitely couldn't.
The smallest thing can trigger huge anxiety or rage in me. I took off at my boyfriend as he phoned me on the way home yesterday. He wanted me to stop off and get take aways, but when my usual road home was closed to roadworks and I had to detour (It was probably not even 500m off the normal route!) I just yelled at him to get the damn take-aways as I was about to have a nervous breakdown. Luckily he was very supportive and understanding.
This morning my PC decides to rage a war with me - the mouse is plugged in, yet will only move once I finally give in and restart the computer. Then my spreadsheets freeze for over an hour and I cannot do anything in the meantime (Other than catch up on PC!)

I'm just feeling a bit like my cage is being rattled - I cannot express my feelings, yet am becoming clingy. I can feel a bit of anxiety, I have the concentration of a goldfish, I JUST DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.

And all of my meds are actually on low doses, so I don't think it's the meds?!?!?!?

[perpetuallysad]

I have no idea if its your meds or not, but it sounds so much like what I go through that i really empathize with you. I hate those freaking times when its like one second more of whatever and I will have a nervous breakdown. I'm glad your bf was sweet and got the food for you.

[sugahorse1]

Just took 3 Alprazolam 0.5mg which kind of knocked me out and i had to go snooze in my car before i fell asleep at my desk - it's the only way I feel i can cope as it makes me really feel nothing

[perpetuallysad]

I don't know how I would cope without the xanax either. I am a nervous wreck most of the time as it is and I remember how much worse it was before my diagnosis and meds.

[sugahorse1]

well, the alprazolam will make you severly drowsy and the sleep it initiates gives you an escape from the emotions, or lack thereof.

[perpetuallysad]

For some reason I don't get the sleepy side effect often from alprazolam, I'll get sleepy-ish if I am already worn down, otherwise it just alleviates some tension or stops a panic attack.

I hope you are doing better now. Let me know.

[sugahorse1]

taking 3 of those, which is 1,5mg alprazolam, really made me very drowsy - the first time ever.
Spent a few hours chatting to a mate this morning who's also BP and understands, plus I didn't have to go to work due to being on study leave, so i'm feeling ok. Been studying and sleeping the rest of the day.
Just want this episode over, want the week over

[perpetuallysad]

I'm glad that things are going sort of better. I have gradually titrated up to 1mg tabs, I started on .25 prm, but as time passed we have figured out that the higher doses help to curb my anxiety a lot. I think that sleep is good sometimes. Especially when you are feeling really badly. I am glad you've gotten a break from work and are taking care of you a little bit. The week's almost over!