[maryjain lockhart]

So I wake up early cuz I couldn't sleep anymore cuz I was having crazy dreams&it was annoying. I get up, seem happy, but then here I am watchin tv crying for no apparent reason. The ppl on tv were doin something nice4someone else&I started2think how I'm almost always nicer2my friends than they are2me. I try2go outta my way2do nice things4others but nobody ever does anything nice4me. Isn't that stupid2get upset about?
Mybe I feel like this cuz I have no real friends here anymore. Everyone either moved away or got messed up or had kids&4got bout anybody else in the world. That's another thing making me cry. I have tried4so long2have a kid. Married6yrs, tried the whole time, no baby. Haven't NOT tried since then with my fiance but nothing. Everyone around me is having kids&I'm the only one left behind. In school I did everything1st cuz I was older than my friends, but now even the guy who never dated anybody has a kid&here I am wishing, hoping, PRAYING that mybe this month I won't have my period&I will finally be able2b a mother. I am almost30&at this rate I will be50when my kid graduates. Is that dumb? I'm sitting here bawling cuz I don't have a kid by now, I have no friends here&the friends I have in other places never really contact me. Mybe I'm just supposed2b miserable

[Anneinside]

Yes, it's okay to feel bad about not being able to get pregnant. And, even though you can't see it now, 50 is not old! I'm 54 and I feel great, physically. I have a friend who has a 9 year old and he's 45 and very much involved with his daughter. He'll be 54 when she graduates from high school. Have you looked into fertility treatment? Or seen your regular doctor about it? I am pretty sure they have ovulation tests that help you know when to do the deed to get pregnant.

As for friends not getting in contact...maybe you should make the first step and contact them. Maybe you can get on Facebook or the like and invite them to be your friend so that you can keep up with them that way. That's what I do a lot of the time.

[maryjain lockhart]

Thanks for your advice! It was very nice of u2respond. I only have a fake Facebook account with my fake name, so mybe I can get1with my real name on it! Mybe I just need2get out&meet some new ppl&stop bein so hard on myself.