[Razorback_713]

Have any of you experinced this?

I have just been diagnosed, but looking back on the closest relationships I have had in my life, the other individuals all have certain qualities that correspond with being bipolar.

Especially a girlfriend I had that passed away recently that I was extremely, almost mentally connected to. I am beginning to wonder if we subconciously connected because we both suffered so acutely.

[PufNStuf]

=) I'm going to give you a big old smile.... =D

I am BPII and my boyfriend (live with) is BPI. The highs are the MOST amazing I've ever felt...the lows suck.

It's very likely you did connect because you actually understand the feelings each other goes through. You're going to laugh, but on the way home tonight (after a few glasses of wine), I was singing along to Ke$ha's "Your love is my drug"...and that's so true of bipolar relationships (to me). "The rush is worth the price I pay".

I think that partners where both people are bipolar can really help, too. We remind each other to take meds, notice if the other one is going into mania (much faster than one would notice of themselves), and how to deal with each other when our times come to sleep for a few days and be down. Especially if we're both depressed...we live on different planets until one of us feels better.

I was married for 4 years to someone who is not bipolar....and although they can be lovely and helpful, another BP person can really understand. The only downfall, I've seen, is that each other's lows can trigger depression.

We talk to each other about our symptoms. It helps.

I dunno..sometimes I wonder if I'd be a better partner with someone stable...in that way. But, I would constantly feel guilty about symptoms I can't really control. That's my two cents.

I'm sorry about your girlfriend who passed....I hope you can heal.

[Trippin2.0]

For YEARS I've been trying to convince my "bf" he's Bipolar, way, way, way. before we even started dating...(his moods, behavior,reactions)...Only to find myself being dxd with Bipolar II... Go figure

I understand the connection you're talking about. He described it to me so acutely.He said " You and I are the same person, who dwell in different bodies, so as to find some sort of balance".
This man might not be a "conventional" bf, but he's my best friend, and what we share, is all that either of us have to offer right now... I know he loves me to no end, but I really hurt him with my emo crap last night, and he's very emotionally volatile too, so I know I cut deep, God I hope he forgives me, soon...

So I think, there must be some truth in what you're saying

PS.sorry didn't mean to use your thread as an outlet, I've been convincing myself his silence is not a problem, that I don't need him anyway, loada crap! that is.

It has a scientific name: assortative mating.

My husband and I both have bipolar disorder though neither of us knew it at the time we met and married.

Yeah, Razorback 713, I do think there is something of an emotional resonance with certain people... and certainly not only in the realm of romantic relationships. I've had very few friends through the years (so maybe not a good test subject for the theory! ), but one comes to mind immediately was just last year. Though he is not dx'd BP, there seemed to be elements of it for sure. We shared some major unusual traits, and I was soooo struck by the feeling that this person really understood a major part of me -- especially things revolving around a certain kind of creativity and, <cough> productivity fluctuations -- in a way no one ever had. Not to mention flip of a switch mood changes. He'd try to cover, but knowing it all too well, I could see the subtler signs that he couldn't hide. We were instantly fast friends, even though in other (non-emotional/creative) ways we were very different.

Originally Posted by PufNStuf

...I was married for 4 years to someone who is not bipolar....and although they can be lovely and helpful, another BP person can really understand. The only downfall, I've seen, is that each other's lows can trigger depression.

Ahh yes, and now to the romantic side... I was with my now ex for 25 (! gasp!) years (yeah, my fear of having to deal with the real world's *that* bad). Funny that even long before being dx'd, I always thought of him as "the rock". And me the unpredictable one that instigated every single (w/o exception) kooky thing over the years. I had a sense that this arrangement kept some weird kind of balance. BUT, though he was caring in his own way, he totally didn't get it. Cut from an entirely different sort of cloth, and very big on the "Just snap out of it" and "Just control yourself! It's not that hard!" admonitions. I tried sooo hard, but just couldn't. Also, and worst of all, he made "jokes" in REALLY poor taste about my problems. Won't repeat them here as they're very distressing in their (even *if* unintended) cruelty.

'Nuf of that. Have a very sweet BF now. Not BP, though apparently they thought he might be at one point. He's got MDD, so we very much understand each other on that end of things. We immediately and deeply clicked, as if we'd known each other for years. Agree with PufNStuf that the trick is to beware of triggering a spiral in each other. BUT... and this is HUGE for me... he notices when I start to take a turn and inquires about my well-being. This is a completely new experience for me and I deeply deeply appreciate him for it.
So... guess it's like anything else -- there are advantages and disadvantages and we just have to find the balance that works for us.

[Skully]

I have never experienced this in my relationships. Looking back at them, the guys I dated were pretty normal. I was the messed up one being undiagnosed at the time. I was one whacked out female at times!!! But the more I think about it, the I realize they were generally guys that took advantages of me in many situations. So, they may not have been bipolar but may have noticed that I was and decided I was easy pray. Good thing they are all ex's!!!

Originally Posted by Skully

...But the more I think about it, the I realize they were generally guys that took advantages of me in many situations. So, they may not have been bipolar but may have noticed that I was and decided I was easy pray...

This is a good point, Skully. I've always felt at a major disadvantage in terms of relationships in general -- work, acquaintances, all that. Just the other day was relating an experience, and actually said, aloud, "I'm just ridiculously easy to take advantage of". It had never really occured to me that concretely before. Very easily dissuaded, can't help but take things personally (head can know it's probably not so, but it still goes right through my heart, spiralling me quickly and badly, and I just give up). When I'm up, get *too* generous with my time and even money (which I really can't afford to do), and there are plenty who likely sense this and take full advantage. Weird thing is that I'm really not trusting, but that's what they *don't* sense. And why would they? My behavior really doesn't reflect it. Spend far more time down, when I don't stand up for myself and, yeah, easy prey.

[Razorback_713]

Originally Posted by PufNStuf

=) I'm going to give you a big old smile.... =D

I am BPII and my boyfriend (live with) is BPI. The highs are the MOST amazing I've ever felt...the lows suck.

It's very likely you did connect because you actually understand the feelings each other goes through. You're going to laugh, but on the way home tonight (after a few glasses of wine), I was singing along to Ke$ha's "Your love is my drug"...and that's so true of bipolar relationships (to me). "The rush is worth the price I pay".

I think that partners where both people are bipolar can really help, too. We remind each other to take meds, notice if the other one is going into mania (much faster than one would notice of themselves), and how to deal with each other when our times come to sleep for a few days and be down. Especially if we're both depressed...we live on different planets until one of us feels better.

I was married for 4 years to someone who is not bipolar....and although they can be lovely and helpful, another BP person can really understand. The only downfall, I've seen, is that each other's lows can trigger depression.

We talk to each other about our symptoms. It helps.

I dunno..sometimes I wonder if I'd be a better partner with someone stable...in that way. But, I would constantly feel guilty about symptoms I can't really control. That's my two cents.

I'm sorry about your girlfriend who passed....I hope you can heal.

Thanks for the thoughts, sadly I believe if she would have been diagnosed earlier she might still be here.

You are right, alot of it was we understood eachother on a level that neither of us had ever experienced before in other people. What to the rest of the world would have seemed outrageous or crazy, we got in eachother as not a big deal. Our times in depression never really coincided, but during those there was a feeling of understanding that I hadn't ever seen before. Of course looking back on that time I don't think either one of us realized "why" we understood eachother to the point that we did.

I couldn't agree more about the love being part of the drug, it seemed like I was on a manic high most of the time with her.

Thanks for everyone's insight. I am pretty new to this, and it helps a ton to help understand myself by talking through this with others like me.

[PufNStuf]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Yeah, Razorback 713, I do think there is something of an emotional resonance with certain people... and certainly not only in the realm of romantic relationships. I've had very few friends through the years (so maybe not a good test subject for the theory! ), but one comes to mind immediately was just last year. Though he is not dx'd BP, there seemed to be elements of it for sure. We shared some major unusual traits, and I was soooo struck by the feeling that this person really understood a major part of me -- especially things revolving around a certain kind of creativity and, <cough> productivity fluctuations -- in a way no one ever had. Not to mention flip of a switch mood changes. He'd try to cover, but knowing it all too well, I could see the subtler signs that he couldn't hide. We were instantly fast friends, even though in other (non-emotional/creative) ways we were very different.

Ahh yes, and now to the romantic side... I was with my now ex for 25 (! gasp!) years (yeah, my fear of having to deal with the real world's *that* bad). Funny that even long before being dx'd, I always thought of him as "the rock". And me the unpredictable one that instigated every single (w/o exception) kooky thing over the years. I had a sense that this arrangement kept some weird kind of balance. BUT, though he was caring in his own way, he totally didn't get it. Cut from an entirely different sort of cloth, and very big on the "Just snap out of it" and "Just control yourself! It's not that hard!" admonitions. I tried sooo hard, but just couldn't. Also, and worst of all, he made "jokes" in REALLY poor taste about my problems. Won't repeat them here as they're very distressing in their (even *if* unintended) cruelty.

.

Innerzone...what you said really touched me. I'm *so* scared of the real world, I hide behind my BF and let him deal with everything. I moved out at 16 from a really bad family situation and was just exhausted by the time I met him (10 years and 1 marriage later).

[sugahorse1]

I have been dated guys, but my closest relationship was with another woman who was dx'd BP. I was not at the time, but she suspected it. The kind of relationship was unreal.
So I can only second what most people have said - think we can just relate