[maryjain lockhart]

Last night I couldn't fall asleep very well. My stupid crazy head wouldn't shut up! Only 2 more days till I see the BHS&pdoc&I'm scared. My cousin is 18&recently DX'd with BP2&she missed over 3months of work&school while gettin her meds right. If I still lived@home that'd be fine but I have2pay the bills&I don't want2b missing work. I'm gonna take a week off from work so I get paid to get help.
Anyway, last night I was manic. I couldn't stop talking&really I probably sounded crazy. My fiance kept telling me he didn't know what I was talking about cuz I was talking so fast. I got mad cuz I felt he wasn't listening so we ended up arguing for 2 hours about my mind&how he doesn't want me2take anything but he also doesn't want me to be this way. It was mean but I told him that if he couldn't stop being a brat about me getting help I would go stay with my grandmother.....I'm dead tired today, have to work a long shift, and my mind is racing, I'm shaky, my palms are sweaty&I feel like I am going to vomit.

[greylove]

Oh maryjain.....I hope by the time you read this you're feeling a little better. You do have a lot on your mind and the whole work situation doesn't make it any easier. When you get more rest and after you have seen the pdoc, you'll be in a better place. At least you will know more than you do now. Your fiance will get a better understanding of what's going on too. Wishing you well......greylove

[sugahorse1]

Maybe get your pdoc to explain to your fiance what it really is you suffer from and how the meds will help you.

Don't feel guilty about taking a week or 2 (I see you have 2 weeks paid leave on another post) off work - in the bigger scheme of things, 2 weeks is nothing if it means you can get better

[maryjain lockhart]

I have requested the1st two days after my appointment off&then I found people to cover my shifts this wknd so I can relax. I'm so stressed out&I don't know why. Had a panic attack at work last nite&I think it scared my employees. Ended up bursting into tears afterwards&had to leave work early. I can't stand these ups&downs anymore. I'm so excited to get better!

[greylove]

And you will get better......hang in there maryjain......Just one more day until your appointment and a big step closer to the answers. You won't have to suffer these ups and downs, the tears and the panic attacks. Once you get the diagnosis, meds, and/or therapy that will help you, you and your fiance will be able to move forward.

Thinking of you,
greylove

[sugahorse1]

I have also been bursting into tears for no major reason, been very snappy at my colleagues and boyfriend... I think it's just a part of the BP, and something one learns to control better as one learns to accept BP and gets older and more mature.
It's probably just one of those episodes.

I'm proud that you took the initiative and made arrangements that don't affect you negatively, to allow yourself some time off to just unwind

[sanityseeker]

Hang in there Maryjain. Focus on slowing yourself down as best you can. For me long hot showers help as do long slow walks in the forest or spending time at the river. Any time communing with nature. Focus on your breathing and some mindless activity to occupy your brain. Watch what you eat. Avoid all caffenes and eat as many green veggies as you can. Self care is critical. You know it is the condition and so that means you have to treat the condition. Keep breathing and know you will be okay.