[Alleiron]

Right now, I'm in between doctor's and medicine, due to a long story about money and insurance and yadda.

Anyway, right now I'm not on any medication, and I'm almost positive that I've been getting worse. Which, honestly, is to be expected, am I right?

It's just that... I can get so mad, or so upset, or so happy that I just barely remember what I've been doing, or why I did it. It's like, I remember doing it, but I don't recall why, or even what exactly I did. I just only generally know what I've been doing.

Perhaps my teenage hormones are making me feel worse, but I'm starting to get sort of... Scared of myself. Because when I'm in that state, I just. My thoughts on what's right and wrong disappear and rearrange themselves, and then when I get sad in the aftermath, I get tricked into thinking that those are my normal mood thoughts and just.

It's so frustrating, and [totally different direction here] I'm thinking about going back into Martial Arts, as I'm pretty confident that it would help mellow me out, maybe not a lot, but a little.

[Moreta]

Do you have an option to go to a doctor and get some meds?

If not, maybe you could work on coping skills that can help you out through this tough time. Try being more mindful, and work on trying to control your emotions. If you ever feel like you're in a rough patch, post on here and we can try to help you through.

I think the martial arts will help you out b/c you have to focus on what you are doing and it may bring some inner peace.

Let us know how it goes or if you need any help!

[Ygrec23]

QueenAccountant is absolutely right. You'd do well to find out whether the manufacturer of the meds you take will give you a break on the price. Many, if not most, of the pharmaceutical companies have programs to sell their products at very reduced prices to patients on very low incomes. They usually have an 800 number on the package insert. If they don't, or if you don't have an insert, just google the name of the drug and find the official website for the product. They WILL on that website have a number you can call to find out whether you qualify for their reduced price program. It's certainly worth a try, particularly if the meds made a difference for you when you were taking them. From what you've written, it sounds like you could use some decent meds. I wish you all the best, and very much hope that things with you don't get any worse than they are now. And QueenAccountant is right, too, about the benefits of martial arts practice.

Take care!

Originally Posted by Alleiron

Right now, I'm in between doctor's and medicine, due to a long story about money and insurance and yadda.

Soooo hear you on the doctors and insurance, Alleiron.
In the same boat here and it is unbelievably frustrating. Not to mention so NOT a help when we know we're needing it so badly. Agree with the other posters. Please keep us posted, ok? There are a great bunch of folks here who understand and care.

[Skully]

Is there a county mental health agency you can contact? (if you live in the US?) They cannot turn you down because of insurance issues. They have to treat you whether you can pay or not. It is worth looking into at least.

[Shadowghost]

Alleiron, I can relate to what you're going through. I think I'm being totally rational when I get depressed and think bad thoughts. It's only later that I realize how screwed-up my thinking was. That's why people with bipolar disorder should never make decisions when they're experiencing a mood swing. If only I'd have been given that advice a few years ago!

[sugahorse1]

Sounds like a mixed episode. I think martial arts will allow you to focus on something else

Decision making during mania or depression is a BAD idea.

[Alleiron]

c: Thank you guys for all the help, and sorry I disappeared. (Ugh, dumb internet.)

BUT, I talked to my old Sensei, and he says that as soon as I feel like I'm ready, he'd begin teaching me again. And I also talked to my mother about a mental health clinic, and she agreed that it would be much better than nothing. I'm pretty sure that she's as fed up with these mood swings as I am, Zeus help her.

Thank you for all of the suggestion and support. <3 You guys are really awesome~.

[WendyAussie]

The meds scenario sucks, hopefully the suggestions above can help (I'm in Aus so don't know your system). About things flying past and not being able to acknowlege them is definitely part of being an unmendicated Bipolar. I agree you've probably got mixed states and maybe rapid cycling going on and it's tortorous - I've been there and I feel for you. As to the martial arts, I think it's important to consider which variety you practice. I say this because I started up at the gym last year, and the loud pumping music and the fast pumping people pushed me into Hypomania (which I don't often suffer from now - Lithium has got that under control). I couldn't keep doing it and the usual deep Bipolar Depression followed and I ended up in a very dangerous state and had to be closely monitored by my mental health team. It resulted in a med change which has actually turned out to be a good thing.

But if the martial arts you practise is more low key, that's another thing. It's worth noting how the martial arts affects your moods.

[fairandcold]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

Sounds like a mixed episode. I think martial arts will allow you to focus on something else

Decision making during mania or depression is a BAD idea.

Yeah I agree. I think I decided to get married and have a baby when I was manic and I didn't know it at the time.

[canineserenity]

The mental health clinic is the most practical because they will probably work on a sliding scale so you will may have to pay little or nothing. Also, they will continue to treat on an ongong basis. If there is not a clinic in the area or if the wait is too long, there may be a county hospital ER that will probably treat you that will not require insurance. However, they will be more expensive. They could probably be paid back in payments over time.
You mention teenage hormones. Your mom may qualify for state aid insurance for you as well. Even if she doesn't qualify for the total coverage (Medical, Medicaid, whatever it is called in your state), many states have a low cost insurance to cover minors under 18 for families that make too much money for the regular state programs but still can't afford regular medical insurance.
Good luck and I hope you get back on meds soon.

[Alleiron]

The martial arts I practice is a mix of Shotacon and Tae Kwon Do, WendyAussie. It's actually pretty relaxing, I've found. And since it's just me and my sensei, it helps a lot.

Canineserenity, it's me, my mom, and my dad, actually. My mom works and my dad works, and we actually do make a lot of money, but it all disappears in bills and old credit cards whatever.But we do have a clinic, and I going around the end of the week. c:

Thanks for the help, and the support, guys~.

<3 You're the greatest.