[fairandcold]

hai thar. i'm new here (obviously) so let me give you some backstory.

I was molested when i was 5, raped when I was 12, and my Dad died when I was 17. Growing up I constantly fought with my Mom, screaming and yelling all the time. Slamming doors in her face. Pushing her away from me physically and emotionally. I'd yell at her for asking me simple everyday questions. My favorite thing to say to her was "parents have to earn respect, it isn't just given to them freely." We'd even have shoving matches.

I never told my parents about the rape. My dad went to his grave never knowing and I just recently told my mother.

Then it was college time. Man, that was fun! (still is I'm going into my 6th year of college...still a senior lol) I started to work at UPS where I proceeded to have illicit relations with 3 supervisors (very much against the rules) and came close to having relations with a manager of all people. I also had relations with my other co workers. These relations bordered on friends with benefits territory, focusing only on sex. Even though they said they just wanted the sex and and that it would never amount to anything more than that, I kept on (unrealistically) hoping that they would change their minds which they never did of course. I always stayed optimistic though. It was kinda sad, looking back on it. I pursued sex as if it were the finish line. The most fun part was the race/chase. I would talk about sex openly at work saying things like "I love to give oral." This would shock the other men I worked with of course.

I guess it's safe to say that I was hypersexual.

Then one night I couldn't sleep. I had just gotten married to the love of my life (?) and I couldn't sleep. It was Christmas Eve and I was hearing voices telling me to do very bad things to myself and my husband. I immediately went to the ER, having officially scared myself to death.

I was hospitialized then for the first time where they thought I had major depressive disorder with psychotic features. I would end up being hospitalized again for postpartum depression after the birth of my first child, and then again for what my P-Doc says is a mood disorder but she won't specify which one although she's leaning towards bipolar.

So that's me. Just got out of the hospital for the third time and am doing a lot better!

It is very nice to meet you all!

[BlackPup]

Wow, thats a story and a half...
Sounds like a hard life, I really hope the doctors can help you out with diagnosis and effective treatment.
I also would REALLY recommend therapy, what you went through as a child has to impact the past (esp the hypersexuality) and what's going on now ... all the medicines in the world won't fix it...

[sugahorse1]

I have a similar sort of diagnosis/hospitalisation background, although I am fortunate to not have gone through the molestation you endured. I'm so sorryr to hear. You've come to the right place for support and understanding, as well as personal testimonies.
We are not professionals, so we cannot help with your diagnosis, but we are here for you. Are your meds helping to keep you stable?
Let your husband know exactly what you are going through, as he will be your strongest support pillar in the down times.
We all do go through down times, but just know that these are just episodes that will pass

[fairandcold]

Thanks guys! Yeah I'm currently seeing a p-doc and a therapist and have been for a while.

I know you guys aren't doctors but you're living it yourselves so you gotta have some perspective :P.