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#1
Jun 20, 2010, 06:53 PM
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It really, really doesn't help to read about how successful other biplolars are.
Or reading a list of famous people who were/are bipolar. Makes me feel really, really bad about myself. Like a deadbeat, underachiever bum. I'm 44 and have been treated for bipolar since I was 16. I have managed to finish college and have had some part time jobs in my field. But that is as far as it goes. Wouldn't see my name on any of those lists.
__________________
I love your faults because they are part of you and I love you. --my BFF [center][b][color=#92d050][font=Verdana] |
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#2
Jun 20, 2010, 08:08 PM
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I can relate sometimes. I had some success up until the past five years. I feel like my life is in shambles compaired to before I got sick. Just need to go on and build a new life with these new limitations. Accepting the limitations is the hard part. I can't always accept them consistently and this slows down progress quite a bit. And being with others who do not have to fight this illness and appear that they can handle life better can send me into a tail spin if I am feeling "less than".
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 Berries
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#3
Jun 20, 2010, 09:42 PM
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Quote:
I am 41 years old... 6 days ago I was confirmed with Bipolar Disorder. I read a book about Bipolar and I felt like I was reading my Diary. I am pissed off right now. I spent 4 years in the military and 12 years with a company beating the living hell out of myself everyday. I thought everyone felt the same way I did??? WTF... Now what? I left my job last Novemer because I could not take it anymore... thinking that it was the job causing me to feel all of the things I felt... but after I quit... Nothing changed... I feel like I will never have a chance to have one happy day the rest of my life... I don't know... this is my first post... going for counseling tomorrow... meds will probbly change later this week... All I can say my friend is maybe it was a good thing you found out when you were 16??? I can't speak for you... I'm wondering if I would have been better off knowing my condition at an earlier age? I visited military doctors in Pearl Harbor... they thought I was trying to get out of the service and they would just send me back to the ship... I took a job and got married when I left the service... went 60k in debt (Bipolar... spending money... hmm) But mangaged to work my butt off for 5 years to pay off the debt and have some savings so I could leave my job... thinking the job was the poison in my life... Nope Sorry.. I don't know where I'm heading with this.. Just keep your head up.. I managed to survive 16 years of torture... and I just found out why.. Not sure if this is good or bad? |
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#4
Jun 20, 2010, 11:22 PM
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Totally can relate....
It makes me feel that the difficulties I face because of my BP aren't significant, when really they do interfere with my ability to study and work and live in so many ways. While there are some totally awesome famous, successful BP out there, a number of studies have shown that people with BP are less likely to complete tertiary education, have lower paying jobs, and higher unemployment than the average. Some of this is due to the age of onset, ie people drop out of tertiary education due to onset of disease. There was also something about BP people "underachieving" (I guess that's performing at less than what they would be expected with education, training and experience) because of a lack of confidence in their ability to cope. When my life fell apart... I totally felt like any confidence that I had, any thoughts of being able to "succeed" had been completely demolished. I felt like such a failure... I could not imagine a career, where before I had every reason to believe I had a promising career in front of me. Now I have redefined success - there are things that are more important in life than your career, degrees and achievements, like family, friends and doing things that are important to you. Work to live, not live to work.... I guess experiences like what we have all gone through are bound to make you rethink what life's all about... Sorry if this is a ramble... just some thoughts... |
| Berries
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#5
Jun 21, 2010, 12:12 AM
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I can relate. I know the stories are meant to be encouraging but for some reason they aren't. I am happy for them and I have moments of success in treatment that I can relate, moments; however with the on-going struggle that continually changes that never seems to have an end, I always appreciate it for them but it saddens me that there isn't an end to the struggle happening for me. I feel short-changed. Then I get down for feeling sorry for myself. Vicious cycle that I have to come out of, so I try not to read these stories anymore unless they include treatment and management tips.
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| Berries
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#6
Jun 21, 2010, 01:51 AM
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I think we sometimes forget the pain and torment those famous successful people also esperienced. A lot of them dealt the repeated failure and changing of dreams and sadly, a lot of them ended their famous lives.
__________________
It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction! ---"Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society". Abraham Lincoln Online. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. September 30, 1859. |
| Berries
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#7
Jun 21, 2010, 02:05 AM
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Quote:
 ), have to say that I felt this way LONG before being dx'd. I blamed myself. Had no idea that there was anything else at play. Failure? Check. Hugely promising HS. Major depression in college round 1 and... never got footing back again. And this was still _years_ before Dx. Like sashe, (and I'm a bit older than you btw) I always wonder, "what if?" What if I'd been diagnosed when it first hit? You know, at the obvious point, at 20? All that said, I don't mind the "famous BP" lists AT ALL. There are part of myself that are justified by such lists. While I've never achieved "success", there are those... bits of brilliance I guess you'd say, that are somehow verified by those that have been able to harness them, you know? It's good company to keep.
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| Berries
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#8
Jun 21, 2010, 06:37 AM
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I'm afraid I can't relate. I love reading about Bipolar success stories, whether the people are celebrities or not. It gives me hope that I will be able to manage my Bipolar in time. I like to read these stories and take bits and pieces of advice the person gives, and try to apply it to my life.
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| Berries
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#9
Jun 21, 2010, 08:28 AM
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Well, I see your point. But you know I bet people who wanted to be something real bad and didn't make it feel bad when they read in the paper or whatever about those people who did make it (like actors). Me, I've been so busy struggling to survive I haven't paid much attention. I didn't get diagnosed until I was 39. Then put on the wrong med for 16 years. I was lucky I didn't have more trouble than I've had.
Experience has shown me you do what you can and go on. Don't worry about "what if". Deal with the reality you have. You'll be a lot happier if you do. |
| Berries
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#10
Jun 21, 2010, 09:19 AM
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We just have to work within the limitations. I was only recently dx'd. I had a very successful high school career, but varsity was a different story. It's taken me around 6 years to complete my degree part-time, and now I was reading something the other day that I think my degree needs to be completed in 5 years -WTF?? This is the best I can do, with my moods going up and down. Going to varsity full time is NOT an option. I work and study, allowing me to move around my moods.
I know my work is currently suffering and I'm in a very fortunate position to have people partially cover for me, and otherwise I manage to wear a mask. But not sure how long I can carry on like this. Success stories do inspire me, and make me realise I'm not alone |
| Berries
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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