[xxharley]

I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 18. I am now 22. I used to take 1200mg of lithium per day with 500mg of Depakote ER plus 50mg of Trazodone to sleep. I stopped taking all my medication when I was 18 without my doctor's consent. I know, bad idea. I basically dropped all my meds one day and went crazy for about a month.
Since then, I have been functioning decently without medication or therapy (or so I've been telling myself).
Recently, I have been feeling more rapid cycles occuring. I've been using the mood tracker on here and its showing me how up and down I'm becoming.
I am definitely considering going back into therapy and possibly going back on medication, but I've had such negative experience with medication in the past so I am afraid to try it again.
Plus, I also have problems with therapists. I only had one that I ever liked. I feel like I am way to picky with therapists and that most of them dont get me.

Not sure where I'm going with this right now. Just kind of venting/ranting for myself LOL.

[sugahorse1]

If you notice the signs of mood swings comig back, I'd def recommend you at least start on meds. Maybe start by speaking to your medical doctor about it first, and if he cannot help, he can refer you to a pdoc.
At 18 you are still irresponsible and it's hard to convince oneself that the meds are necessary.
I'm glad you're considering help, as BP really cannot be left untreated.

With regards to T, is it possible for you to just go back to the one that you liked?
Hang in there - we're here for you. It may seem lonely at times, but the PC family really does care
((HUGS))

[Fresia]

I tried to convince myself once I was better off w/o the meds, and it was a recipe for disaster for me. I am better off with them than with out. If they help me to function and make life worth living, they are worth it to me.

It can be difficult finding the right T but not having one makes things more difficult in my world. It took a bit of patience and a couple of interviews, but I found a gem. If the one you liked isn't available, as Sugahorse mentions, ask docs, nurses, or other patients you might come across who they like and would recommend as a starting place.

Hang in there. It's important to have help and support in managing BP. You deserve it.

[Special-K]

First off thank you for mentioning the mood tracker. I didn't know that existed & I'm going to start using it too!

I would recommend you do begin treatment again. I was diagnosed at 18 as well, I'm 31 now. I've also gone off med's for years at a time. Most recently I stopped in 05 & just started again at the end of 09.

If your not pleased with your therapist you need to be assertive & just go to another. I've stopped calling the psychologist I was seeing since November 09 because I found a therapist I like better & she's never contacted me since.

Try not to let your past experiences taint your future ones. I have had lots of bad experiences too but many good ones as well. To find the good experiences you have to sometimes deal with some bad.

Best wishes!

Treatment seem prudent.

[BlackPup]

Originally Posted by xxharley

I stopped taking all my medication when I was 18 without my doctor's consent. I know, bad idea. I basically dropped all my meds one day and went crazy for about a month.
Since then, I have been functioning decently without medication or therapy (or so I've been telling myself).
Recently, I have been feeling more rapid cycles occuring. I've been using the mood tracker on here and its showing me how up and down I'm becoming.
I am definitely considering going back into therapy and possibly going back on medication, but I've had such negative experience with medication in the past so I am afraid to try it again.

In Unquiet Mind by Kay Jamison, she describes an "indian summer" after her first diagnosed episode, where she was fine without meds for a while before it came back... I had a year after my initial episode where everything was good...
Also BP, especially if not treated is progressive, it will get worse exactly as you are describing, rapid cycles, mixed episodes etc.
As for the meds, there are lots of different combinations out there, so you can keep on looking until you find something that works but does not have to bad side effects. Also remember that alot of the side effects will get better after a few weeks or months.

[Amandas256]

I would definately get back on meds. I have really bad mood swings and I am on meds. I can't imagine how bad they would be without them! Hang in there!