How I Feel Today. . . Open to all.

I wanted to start this thread for those of us who want to share how they feel without having to start a new thread. You can post as often as you feel the need.

Today I started out depressed, but I forced myself to get dressed and go visit my parents. My husband is out of town and I'm having a hard time coping without my "rock". Being bipolar and trying to be normal for the kids is a difficult task. I recently had a med change, my doc added Prozac to my drug cocktail so hopefully it will help. Anyway, I got off track. Going out for the visit helped lift my spirits. It kept me from thinking about how alone I feel right now.

Great idea vjdragonfly! I am feeling a bit over tired, but my mood is good. I am looking after my friend's dogs while she is away on holidays......I knew better than to agree to it because I use to pet sit as a side job and I know it can be a trigger for my bp (foreign home, being obligated to come home and sleeping in a new place) one of her dogs woke me up at 4 am to go pee and this is a recipe for disaster for me...... it's only until Wednesday, so I'm concentrating on not beating myself up for agreeing to do it and make the best of it. I'm meeting a couple of girlfriends tomorrow for a much needed "patio session"! I did have a great therapy session today and my t-doc feels I can just call her when I need a "tune up", so that was really encouraging.

Good for you going to visit your parents even though you're not feeling 100%. You should be very proud of yourself!

I think this was a great idea for a thread as I often feel I would like to share how I feel but never enough to open a new thread so I just troll the others reading how everyone else is doing and occasionally posting some support or something of the sort.

Today I am feeling manic. My T went to a new center to work and yesterday was my last day of barely over a year of therapy with her (she was also my first). I feel like I have lost my best friend and the only person in the world who understands and is nice to me. I feel like I am unimportant, inconsequential, very betrayed and abandoned. It was a good move for her, more money and less politics of the center I was seeing her at (they are affiliated).

I am currently taking Depakote, Seroquel, Ativan per my pdoc and they had me on Zoloft when I came out of CSU 3wks ago. (My T had me put in for stabilization as she suspected I was going to hurt myself. The same day later on she found out she was moving centers.)

The zoloft makes me very manic and so we had discontinued it, been in quite a destructive/depressed hole all this week and tuesday took a lot of a lot of different meds, made myself regurgitate them quick enough but was in a messed up place in my head from them all.

So today I started my morning with Depakote and decided to take some Zoloft too. Been up and manic, doing all kinds of stuff not really thinking much, until about an hr ago. Starting to come down so I "self-medicated" with something that has been a crutch of mine for many yrs.

Trying so hard not to feel the loss of T but last 2hrs am having to try harder to block the thoughts as it hurts so bad and is so confusing for me. I am scared and alone again (not physically but in my head) it's terrifying in here as it was before she came along.

Plenty more to say but I am sure no one wants to hear it. I just wish I still had her to talk to..... Or that I had never let anyone know the inside of me in the first place. Like Someone opened the door on me changing and now I cant take back them seeing me naked.

IMO It is NOT better to have loved and lost... Better ignorance is bliss.....

Depressed today. Feeling lost like I don't belong anywhere and I don't know what to do. 3 more weeks before I can see my T again. Just feel so low and lost.

Not feeling anything much yet except a little aggravated my dog woke me up...
Lauru: I know how you feel, i feel low and lost a lot of the time, wish someone would find us =P (Or if maybe we could find ourselves...)

Sorry to hear you lost your T. I know the feeling of not being able or wanting to trust a new one. It is a rough road the first time around, don't want to go through the whole ordeal again. Hopefully you will get a better one for replacement.

Write all that you feel like sharing. That is why I created this thread. Everyone needs a place to "dump". I hope you get your med cocktail works out soon.

I'm glad you are feeling pretty good blueoctober. Hope you make it through the dog sitting. That is great what you T said.

I'm sorry things have got you down Lauru and Denise26. I can relate to the feeling being I tend to be stuck in depressive episodes. The meds pretty much control my manic episodes. Hope you two get to feeling better soon. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how dark and long the tunnel may be. Take care of yourselves.

Today I'm feeling a bit tired, a little down, but also determined to keep busy so I won't feel this way for long. I'm looking forward to starting my exercise program today.

sorry to hear your feeling down melissa but keeping busy is a great idea. Just remember to give yourself breaks so you dont over do it and crash this evening =)

Thanks for your support vj, sometimes all we need is just that! IDK about the light at the end but for now I am tolerating the tunnel with out much incident =)

HI all , Im have been thru some drama lately because of my friends opinions !!!!!!!!!!!
So I deceided not to tell them anything anymore!!! I will just talk to my son !!!!!
They hurt my feelings and then didnt even consider how it put me right into depression and now im mad very mad I dont want them around !

Very depressed today. Have to find a job soon, or I'm in trouble. Having bad thoughts but no bad actions

On a scale of 1-10(1 being depressed, 5 or 6 being stable, and 10 being manic), I'm about a 2 or 3. Not too hot. I always use a number scale for some reason. I guess it's the charting I do.

On a positive note though, my oldest son just got home from vacation, so it's nice to have him back.

Sorry that you were dissappointed by friends mommasuesue. People can be bone heads at times (myself including) and certainly I don't know the situation surrounding it, but it may be worth talking to them about it? We all need a support system and if it's only one person it's a start, but it may burn that person out?

Glad your son is back and I hope those numbers move up to a 5 or 6 soon.

I am okay-ish today. Nothing spectacular but pretty good. I woke up very early and I have been a bit tired this afternoon. Having a fairly chilled Sunday listening to some music.

Clive

Momma, unfortunately not everyone is as empathetic as we would like. I dont know that it's necessairily possible for them to understand where we're coming from as BPD or Bipolars much less what we need and how much their actions/words/inactions affect us. I am sorry that they are like that, just remember they dont experience the world the way you do and it may not be necesairily intentional for them to not be there the way you want.

Farmergirl: glad you son is back, and hope you are able to either raise your number or atleast fully appreciate/experience the number your at for what it is.

Blue: your giving all kinds of support, but how are YOU feeling today?

Clive: Glad to hear your "ok-ish" and having a chilled sunday, could be worse right =) I think its funny you say afternoon as its only 10am here lol.

As for me I have been up all night and feel like pure hell. I miss my T SO MUCH, so used to talking to her everyday on the weekend (she was nice enough to offer me a 30min call on sat & sun if I needed it) I just feel so lost with out her. She was my only support system and the one who grounded and helped to center me.

I am trying not to be in my hole but its proving to be VERY hard. I feel so abandoned, lost and alone and betrayed by her. Trying not to have "ideations" but thats not easy to control. Wish I had someone to talk to who understands what I am saying/ feeling like she did.... I just dont know what to do anymore...

oops forgot to post how I am doing. So far I feel good. I had a great day yesterday, good workout and then I spent 4 hours on patio with a couple of girlfriends. It was 30 degrees yesterday and I sooo love the heat. I haven't seen my horse since I started sitting the dogs, but I just got to my place and once I cut up some apples for him I'm off to the stables. The place where I am sitting is in neighboring City, but she is in the DEEP south side. I have created my life, so that I live 5 minutes from work and 15 minutes to the stable, so I notice the change with the driving (I have to travel for work, so I don't like driving far in my personal time).

Denise 26, I'm sorry that you lost your t-doc. It's hard to build up that relationship and it can be scary to have to start over again. Take the time to mourn it, but also try to look at it that you may find someone as good or better than your current t-doc.

Your welcome Denise26. I hope you get to feeling better soon.

Hello everyone

Mommasuesue I'm sorry for the drama your friends have caused. Hopefully they will see the error in their ways and you can keep your friends.

Lauru sorry you are still down. I hope you can find a job soon, one that you can handle. Sounds like you need a big hug . Try to stay positive, I know it is hard right now, but it has to get better.

Farmergirl glad to hear your son is back from vacation. Hopefully having him around will lift your spirits. Hope you feel better soon.

Clivewild glad to hear your feeling fairly good. Always great to hear.

Blueoctober I'm glad you made it through the dog sitting and are feeling good. It is nice to hear you had a great day yesterday. Hanging with people you care about can be very theraputic. Enjoy your time with your horse.

how i feel ! my husband has a new girlfreind,!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm stressed out today. My sister's husband told her it didn't love her anymore and he doesn't want to be with her. They have been married over 20 years and he has been in the military. She has endured the the hell of being a military wife and he is just coming up on retirement. It has been over seas for almost three years now and now that he is back he wants to throw this at her. To say the least she took it badly. We had to take her to the hospital last night and they admitted her into the psych ward. I am so angry for what her husband has done to her. I can feel her pain and I know the anguish that she has to be going through right now. I also know the guilt she is probably feeling right now. I want to reach out and take all the pain away. I really don't know what to do other then be there for her. I just can't help feeling down because of this. I want to fix it, but I know I can't. I feel so helpless right now. My anxiety is going through the roof.

OMG Reine D Amour I am sooo sorry. I can only imagine what you are going through. If you want to vent send me a private message.