[eicanfly]

I'm diagnosed with Bipolar 1, been on medication for around 10 years. I have a couple breakthru episodes a year and usually a terrible one every other year. Just coming out of a monster episode and I'm still reeling and overwhelmed with the damage control that needs to be done in this "relapse's" aftermath.
Just a question: Do any of you who have BP1 ever get a sort of "amnesia" after the worst has passed and you're on the mend? I get mixed mania and this recent 2 month episode was pretty bad. I think the lamictal is making my memory issues worse, but that's just how it goes. But I really want to know how many of you out there can't remember what the hell happened after its over. I start feeling like people are messing with me telling me "it was like this" when I thought "it was like that". More so than the generalized paranoia and psychosis, I really feel like Alice in Wonderland Goes to Hell. In fact I am having a little trouble not believing some of the more delusional ideas I had this time, even though I am comparatively stable now. As long as I've been dealing with this disease (for 30 years and taking meds for 12---I'm 42 now) you'd think the big episodes wouldn't throw me like this at least not the aftermath part but I am always blown away, like I just got diagnosed. I'm not sure of anything, I am not sure of anything. yes i meant to repeat that. I feel like a little kid learning how to say the ABC's. Can't say I like having the carpet ripped out from under me regarding everything I thought I knew.
They d/c'd my antidepressant and increased the lamictal but I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop....the big black boot of doom LOL Anyway my memory esp short term is ridiculous, can barely finish a conversation without forgettign what we were talking about. All day long, every day and I dont even get embarrassed or try to grab onto my train of thought anymore. I just say "oh ****, tell me what we were just talking about if you WANT to."
Wondering if I got beat up by the bipolar bully one too many times. At least I can operate my cell phone again :/

[blueoctober]

Welcome eicanfly;I have BP II, so I can't comment on the amnesia thing with BP I, but from what I have read it can definitely happen. I think it's also good to give oneself time after a major episode to recover because we have had the rug pulled out from underneath us. I started a thread about this about a week ago.

If you haven't spoken to your p-doc already you may want to discuss a different mood stabilizer or an add-on for the lamictal. I'm on lamictal and an anti-d (wellbutrin), but I suffer from major depression way more often than the highs. Lamictal is good for controlling the lows, but not so good for the highs and add an anti-d to that especially a SSRI (wellbutrin isn't a SSRI) and that may explain the issues. Just a thought to discuss with your p-doc.

[kadesgirl09]

YES!! I totally relate. I actually USED to be pretty smart. But now I do the same dance with my memory. All the time (ecsp when Im up) I forget what I am saying before the words get ready to come out. I do the same thing and ask people to repeat the last thing they said so I can remember what it was I was going to say back. SO glad I am not alone on this one. Heck I always have to reread the first post so I can remember why I was responding. Maybe we should be taking a vitamin supplement to help with memory...

[Denise26]

Im still waiting on my medical records and my tdoc never would tell me my "official" diagnoses' so not sure if bp1 or 2 but I do know what you mean about the memory thing. I have no memories of most of my life. I, like you kade, have to reread between almost every sentence or paragraph I type in reply to the other posts so I know what I am replying about.

As to feeling like "Alice in Wonderland Goes to Hell" I can completely relate as for about 5 or 6 yrs now I am completely convinced I slipped down the rabbit hole and am living in a different (parallel) world from that which I originally grew up in. IDK if its psychosis or not but I KNOW this is a different world and that everyone I knew has changed somehow even though I cant really remember how they were before anyways...

[Denise26]

P.S. I feel that change quite regular like it changes again and every ones different then again and every ones different. I stay so worried about who people are that I have developed quite a social phobia...