[DelusionsDaily]

Ok, just a week or two I would have given anything to have my psychiatrist and therapist see eye to eye on dx. Tuesday I found out they are now...and now I'm the one questioning it. Big time! I thinks it more denial...I know I'm hypomanic based on symptoms and dr telling me that's what those symptoms are. I know anxiety of being labeled crazy if people really knew what was going on with me keeps it more internal so I don't talk about it or let it show and when it does I'm embarrassed eventhough it may be over minor things. I don't know, I don't know. Part of me believes it the other part doesn't...is this normal at first? I'm really confused about where I am at and just needed to get it out. I didn't think I'd care either way on dx but apparently I was wrong.

[vjdragonfly]

Melissa I felt the same way when I first found out I was bipolar. It made me feel that I was crazy or something. Over time I started to look at it that it just puts name to what I had been feeling. It doesn't mean we are crazy, it just means we have an illness. An illness that can be "treated" or least help with being controlled. But yeah, I think what you are going through is normal.

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by MELISSSAD81

I know I'm hypomanic based on symptoms and dr telling me that's what those symptoms are. I know anxiety of being labeled crazy if people really knew what was going on with me keeps it more internal so I don't talk about it or let it show and when it does I'm embarrassed eventhough it may be over minor things.

I agree with dragonfly. It's natural to feel that way. Deciding who you should tell about your diagnosis is your choice, but I also think it's important to have a couple of people in our lives that we can be open about the diagnosis.

[newtoBD]

Melissa...my hubby going through exactly what you are...excepts it, then doesn'r except it. Ignores it and doesn't want to talk about it. It's sad because he finally pinpointed out why he's been struggling for 20 years (undiagnosed), but is mostly in denial at the same time. I've had a few scary hypomanic weeks with him. He's cyclical (summer hypomanic) fall/winter months (depressed). I dont know which one is harder for him or me. Hang in there.

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by newtoBD

I dont know which one is harder for him or me. Hang in there.

It's hard on both of you, but each of your experiences will be different. I know you had already picked up Julie Fast's book (Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder), but I just finished "Living with Someone who's Living with Bipolar Disorder" by Chelsea Lowe (2010). It's excellent and I actually like it better than Julie's book. I just thought I'd let you know about it.

[sugahorse1]

I have been ok with the dx, as I realised how many questions were finally answered for me.
The hardest part has been finding a med combo, as well as deciding who to tell.

[newtoBD]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

I have been ok with the dx, as I realised how many questions were finally answered for me.
The hardest part has been finding a med combo, as well as deciding who to tell.

Sugar...with my hubby its both too...med combo and not telling/disclosing to anyone about the bipolar but accepting of the ADHD due to the fact he had formal testing for that. Bipolar was just determined from his family history and symptoms doc asked about. They need a real test for bipolar in my opinion.

[sugahorse1]

I agree - if there was a real test for BP, it would be much easier to manage too, as one could quickly ascertain what chemicals are out of whack, and take corrective measures. And there would be this constant doubt, and people be wrongfully dx'd.

[BlackPup]

It took me years to accept my diagnosis... resulting in poor med compliance etc Eventually the number of times and length of not believing it got fewer and shorter, but still, 4 years later I sometimes think it was not real... my pdoc reminds me that it was and that I have to keep taking my meds... It part of BP and complicates both diagnosis and treatment.

[DelusionsDaily]

Thanks everyone...nice to know I'm not alone. The acceptance will come in time I'm sure of that. It's just silly that I'm questioning it and I've been hypomanic for alittle over a week...so no problem with med compliance. I am going to get a book on bipolar so I can learn more about it. Thanks again.

When I'm in a "good" phase of hypomania (ie.invincible, as opposed to wanting to rip everyone a new one...), I'm more prone to being diagnose-resistant/doubting. ("Hey, no, this is great...my "real" self, I don't need any of this stuff!") Can relate, so I can imagine how much more so when you are newly diagnosed and adjusting to the concept(!) One book I really like is Bipolar for Dummies by Fink and Kraynak. It's highly readable, with a sense of humor even. Check it out if you are so inclined.

[DelusionsDaily]

Thanks Innerzone I will check that one out also. This disease is so confusing and frustrating when new to it. I'm beating myself up for not keeping better track of where my script was in my car now waiting to hear if dr will write new script since I cant find it. I hope she will otherwise I will be going two months without any meds...oh well such is life. We'll see what happens.