[Medicated]

I think I know the answer to this question, but I have to put it out there anyway... am I insane?

I've mentioned on this board before (a while ago) that I wasn't satisfied with my psychiatrist and the medication regimen I'm on. He had me taking six different medications at doses so high that one pharmacist refused to fill them, saying that it was just "ridiculous" (no joke).

Last week I took things into my own hands. I saw him and he handed me Rx's for all of the refills I needed, and I told him that I was taking my medications... but I lied. I stopped taking the abilify and the trileptal, I decreased my dose of wellbutrin, and I'm weaning myself off the Lexapro. That leaves BuSpar, 300mg Wellbutrin, and klonopin as needed.

What I REALLY want to do is stop taking everything, but I know I have an anxiety problem, so it would be wise for me to at least stay on the BuSpar.

Am I out of my mind?

I've been taking pills of some sort for the past fifteen years, non-stop. I have always been perfectly compliant... until now. I'm sick of it, and I don't even know if they're doing me any good.

I have a follow-up appointment in ten days, but I'm moving out-of-state and starting with a new psychiatrist in a month. I have enough meds to get me through until then, and I'd rather disappear than lie to my current psychiatrist again. Do I cancel my appointment and just vanish? Do I tell him the truth and let him get mad at me?

My mother has always been my confidante, but I can't tell her I'm doing this because she'll get mad at me. It seems I've created a lot of problems for myself.

My only ally is my psychologist. He's fairly anti-medications, and I have "his blessing." I see him again on Wednesday.

What have I done??

I feel fine, but it's been less than a week since I stopped taking things, and it's another five (six?) weeks before I meet the new psychiatrist. Do I tell HIM that I was noncompliant because I felt my current psychiatrist isn't listening to me?

I guess if things go downhill, I have the Rxs to fill the meds I stopped taking. I don't think that will be necessary, but it is an option.

Sorry about the rambling post. I need to get this off my chest. As I said, I feel fine, but it's stressing me out.

Ugghhghghghhhh

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by Medicated

I have a follow-up appointment in ten days, but I'm moving out-of-state and starting with a new psychiatrist in a month. I have enough meds to get me through until then, and I'd rather disappear than lie to my current psychiatrist again. Do I cancel my appointment and just vanish? Do I tell him the truth and let him get mad at me?

You are an adult and this is your health. Taking no meds for me wouldn't be an option. I have had that conversation with my p-doc that I needed a med change and a week before I went to see her I went completely off my lithium. That was not a good decision and my mood was all over the place even when she got me on the lamictal. It was not a good decision, but I learned a valuable lesson I need meds.

Keeping secrets is stressful and instead of completely writing off your p-doc that what he prescribed was too much perhaps go see him and be honest about how you're feeling. I was scared to admit to my p-doc too that I had went off my meds, but really it was silly. I'm an adult and yes it was a poor decision, but she wasn't going to punish me.

[Medicated]

Originally Posted by blueoctober

You are an adult and this is your health. Taking no meds for me wouldn't be an option. I have had that conversation with my p-doc that I needed a med change and a week before I went to see her I went completely off my lithium. That was not a good decision and my mood was all over the place even when she got me on the lamictal. It was not a good decision, but I learned a valuable lesson I need meds.

Keeping secrets is stressful and instead of completely writing off your p-doc that what he prescribed was too much perhaps go see him and be honest about how you're feeling. I was scared to admit to my p-doc too that I had went off my meds, but really it was silly. I'm an adult and yes it was a poor decision, but she wasn't going to punish me.

I've been seeing this guy every two weeks since February, and I think I have complained about my medication regimen at EVERY SINGLE VISIT. The man is NOT listening to me when I say that I'm not satisfied and want to try something different. Perhaps if he had been more willing to be flexible and work with me, I wouldn't feel this desperation that has led me to take matters into my own hands. I have been more than patient, but his approach is fairly paternalistic. Maybe that's why I fear whatever scolding lecture he will probably have in store for me if I tell him I stopped most of my meds.

Am I being unreasonable? Should I have just done as I was told until I meet the new psychiatrist in six weeks?

I think what this comes down to is that I'm tired of having no say in my own treatment. It's been too long that I've gone along with things despite my dissatisfaction. There has to be a happy medium somewhere.

[thinker22]

I think most of us have gone off some or all of our meds at some point. This past spring I felt overmedicated and went from taking 6 meds to only 2 (one of which was not psychiatric). I had a good brief period of my head feeling clear and my mood improving, then bam, I became anxious and depressed. So I had to go back on a couple more meds and had a few changes made by the p-doc. Finally she found me an anti-depressant that actually works. Now I'm in good shape. By the way, she was kind of mad I went off most of my meds without her input, but she stayed on as my Dr. because she saw how much better I was feeling initially. So, I think in your quest to feel better, you can definitely test to see what's really working for you...titrate off slowly and then add back in what's helping and eliminate what's not. I'm not a Dr. so don't take my advice without talking to a p-doc (not necessarily your old one since he doesn't listen). I'm just saying what I did worked for me because we eventually found something that helped because of my dissatisfaction. Just putting up with a combo that isn't working will get you no where. And I'm sure your new p-doc will help you to find a new combo. Things will get better.

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by Medicated

Am I being unreasonable? Should I have just done as I was told until I meet the new psychiatrist in six weeks?

Sorry I based my response on the information in your initial post. I don't think you are being unreasonable, but I also think going off meds without a p-doc's input isn't advisable, but this is only my opinion. With all of my doctor's (physio therapist, gp, p-doc, therapist etc.) I have felt that it was a partnership and if at any point I felt my concerns weren't being taken into account I would find a new doctor. With saying that I also need to trust them and at times their recommendations are in my best interest.

[vjdragonfly]

Medicated I can understand your dilema. If the meds are not working for you the pdoc should be listening to you. I would definitely tell your new pdoc what is going on when you see him/her. Be careful and I hope everything works out well for you.

[BlackPup]

Have you tapered the meds you went off? Do you know what to go back on if things get bad before you see your new pdoc (ie emergency action plan...)? If no then I would recommend seeing him, telling him you have gone off them and asking for these things. If you refuse to go back on he can either give you a plan for the best possible alternative, or refuse to treat you...

[Medicated]

My emergency action plan is to fill the prescriptions I have laying on my coffee table if things go downhill... So far, so good, but it's been less than a week.

It's sounding to me like I shouldn't bother going back to my old psychiatrist if I'm not going to do what he says anyway. (Right?)

I'll definitely tell the new guy the whole story.

[thinker22]

It's up to you if you want to go back or not. I would only keep him in mind in case of an emergency before you can see the new doc. I have a p-doc that I won't be seeing any more starting this fall, but I will still go to her to get my Rx's in the meantime and until a new p-doc is assigned to me by the county.