[Kayla_Marie2005]

I am 23 years old. I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter and Im currently a full time student. My problems really started to get worse after I had my daughter. I was diagnosed with Postpartum depression which I think never went away. A few years ago I went to see a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with Bipolar 2. I have crazy mood swings, sometimes I'm so up that my mind races with so many thoughts that I dont even know what I'm thinking about half of the time. Other times I'm so down, I dont want to talk/see anyone and I just want to sleep ALL day, and I cant concentrait on anything. I have problems remembering anything. I havnt been on medication for at least 2 years because I currently do not have health insurance so I've been trying to deal with my problems on my own. I think that the major concern that I have is that I've never bonded with my daughter....my mother and grandmother have her a majority of the time so that I can do homework, but when I do have her, I get irritated very easily with her.....Im not patient at all. My husband is seeking help currently for compulsive lying. He lies to me about everything which doesnt help with my stress and were also having money problems. I dont know what to do. I'm just not happy with anything I do anymore. I'm tired of my mother and grandmother telling me that I'm basically a bad parent and that I should spend more time with my daugher. But she never wants to be here. She throws a fit anytime she comes home. I know that I should spend more time with her...its not like im in denial about it but anytime that I spend with her shes always asking me when she gets to go back to grandmas house or when grandma is coming to get her. I know that I shouldnt let her stay at my mothers all of the time, but its so hard to get any homework done when she is here....I dont know what I should do. Any thoughts would be appreciated....

[blueoctober]

Hi Kayla_Marie2005; I'm glad you decided to post. I'm not sure where you live (I'm from Canada), but if it's the US other members will be able to give you advice on getting meds at low or no cost. Since you are in school is there a student counseling centre that you can use?

I'm sure it's hard that your daughter is spending a lot of time at grandma's, but at this time it may be the best situation. Sometimes this illness makes it difficult to take care of ourselves let alone anyone else, but I wish your mom wasn't guilt tripping you about this.

[vjdragonfly]

Kayla you need to go easy on yourself, going to school full time is a big accomplishment. You doing something to better your future for you and your daughter. I'm sorry your mom does not see it this way and she doesn't support you more. Not being on meds makes life that much more difficult, don't blame yourself for your circumstances. Have you checked into seeing if there is a clinic around that is based on your income? You may be able to get meds that way. Wishing you the best and that your family can learn understanding and compassion.

[Kayla_Marie2005]

Thank you both for your comments and suggestions. It's nice to know that I'm not alone. I also wish that my mother and grandmother could know how it feels to live with an illness like this without any help. I will look into counseling at the college. I'm not sure that they have a center. I have also tried going to lost cost clinics for medicaitons but they say that my husband makes too much for us to qualify. Which he does, but we have to pay a large amount of child support for another child that he has with someone else, which they dont take into account. Someone also suggested St. Johns Wort?? Has anyone ever tried this and if so, does it work??