Pretending to be Normal

I'm an expert.

The fake smile, the nod of the head at all the traditional conversational banter. The clothes that blend or seem appropriate.

Do you do this? And are you believable.

Yup! I'm a pro for sure, you kinda have to be sometimes just to get through the day without breaking down... There are subtle signs that I'm down that others don't really pick up on but I know they're there.

Hey Laur88,

Yip, I am there with u! No one at work has picked up on anything. I am 'normal' at the moment cause I am at work. People just dont know do they.

Guess we are all in tuned to what is goin on than others

I suck at it. When I'm depressed, I look frumpy and people ask me if I'm sick or have the flu or something. There is no happy face that I can put on, and I enter such an emotional dearth that nothing can make me laugh.

It's a skill I really WISH I had.

.

I've noticed with myself and also with my sister that we can be funny and witty as long as there is an audience, even when depressed. I think it can make the depression worse because I can only allow it when I'm alone.

The other downside is that I tend to make jokes about other situations and people think I'm not taking them seriously, when I'm just using humor as a shield from pain..

I'm constantly trying to hide what is going on inside. I don't want to burden the people around me. I think I try ti hide it from myself too. If I don't believe it, it can't be true . . . lol. So yea, I can put on a false front.

I'm very good at it, but it is EXHAUSTING! I come home and just collapse!

Yep no one in my life had any idea how much I was struggling until I ended up on medical leave then committed. When I returned to work after an 8 month leave of absence I decided to be open about my diagnosis. I still get the comments of "how great I'm doing", "I had no idea". If only they knew.

My philosophy is this: People that are close to me i.e. "certain" friends, therapist, p-doc need to know how I'm REALLY doing, the other ones get fake Beth because truly the above people are the ones that matter.

yep but more in the past than now. i found it mentally exhausting to pretend...did that before i was dx'ed. now when i'm out of sorts i tend to withdraw until it passes except with close friends. why? because there is a stigma being bipolar and i can only be comfortable around friends who care and understand when i am fragile. it is what it is. so i just deal with it when it comes.
and yeah i was believable but at what a high price!!!!

I did that for too many years. It takes its toll on you emotionally and physically. I've pretty much stopped. People at work all know. They just let me be. Its actually a safe place.

Thanks everyone for your posts. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one walking around pretending. It is exhausting like Cindy pointed out. However, I would lose my job in a second if I decided to just "be myself." They would probably call the cops.

This. BIG TIME! Humor is a huge defense mechanism for me too. I have a pretty twisted and dark sense of humor, so can make a quip or smarta** comment on just about anything. I'll chuckle about the darkest things. To my mind, I have to. It's so horrible what can one do but laugh? Sounds weird, but sometimes I just don't know what else to do. (Trust me, I'm not always laughing...it's a public face.) People will comment that I seem to present well, but the humor is really only a shield because I'm afraid to let them in or admit how bad it is and because...
Exactly.

I guess the upside to being witty is something my hubs says - that the things my sister and I say are so over the heads of the people they're about, that they don't even know they've been insulted.

When the choice is laugh or cry, I tend to opt for laugh. Huggs all.

Hugs to you Lonegael.