[venusss]

been sleeping too much lately... I wake up already p***ed off and down. I lack any motivation, I don't want to talk to people... I cannot pull myself of this... and most of the times I can.

I need to get myself back up... I just got to. quick.

[sugahorse1]

Maybe speak to a pdoc about a med change? I know i should be taking my own advice, cos right now you're not alone in this feeling. Bed is a safe place - I can relate.
But you know these are just episodes and you will feel better
(((HUGS)))

[venusss]

I am not on meds.

And I cannot afford to stay in bed. I have school and classes to attend and my work has to be done even if ICBMs were raining down on the town.

21st century sucks.

[sugahorse1]

Please try get some meds - bipolar is hard enough to manage with meds... I'm sorry you're feeling so low - thinking of you.

[venusss]

I am scared of the side effect... I am able to manage most of the time... I don't want to lose it, lose myself. I know it is an episode and it will past. It's just it seems too damn long for me now.

I've been researching some alternative therapists in my town... but that is bit too expensive for me at the moment. I don't really have any income and there is not much chance of me getting a job with my school schedule. So I am stuck.

I moved from the Prague Castle to the Brno Castle. I don't like the town all that much... but I gotta get my degree, so I have to live here for two years at least.

sorry for the rambling. I should be happy, I really really should.

[sugahorse1]

we all deserve to be happy, but unfortunately we have this illness to contend with. Try stay motivated and make your school schedule. The degree will give you a great sense of accomplishment.
we're here for you; but don't get hard on yourself for feeling down - you are allowed to!

[PT52]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

I am scared of the side effect... I am able to manage most of the time... I don't want to lose it, lose myself. I know it is an episode and it will past. It's just it seems too damn long for me now.

I've been researching some alternative therapists in my town... but that is bit too expensive for me at the moment. I don't really have any income and there is not much chance of me getting a job with my school schedule. So I am stuck.

I moved from the Prague Castle to the Brno Castle. I don't like the town all that much... but I gotta get my degree, so I have to live here for two years at least.

sorry for the rambling. I should be happy, I really really should.

sugahorse is right on the mark - there is a really good chance some kind of medication would probably help considerably. I'm not sure what kind of side effects you anticipate; there are quite a few choices in meds and your doctor should be able to find one that works for you and that you tolerate well.

Another way of looking at it is to list the side effects of untreated depression or BP. There are some pretty bad ones. In my experience, the meds have given me a chance to be normal that I probably wouldn't otherwise have.

That being said, there are people who have been successful without meds. If you can't afford alternative therapy, you might look into workbooks you can do on your own.

Hope you can find a way to get a balance; sending warm and sunny vibes your way...

[sugahorse1]

Hope you're in a better place today.
There are meds out there that have little to no side-effects. And I personally feel that I'd rather live with a few side-effects than untreated BP

[Trippin2.0]

I'm with suga on this one. I have zero side effects, and I'm way more stable now than I've been in the last 10 years.

Don't knock it till you've tried it love.

In the meanwhile here's a huge a huge for you, hoping you feel better!

[venusss]

Thanks for your support.

I feel much better today. Hope it will last... the past week sucked with gravity of blackhole... But I figure out I am still triggered by being back to school and all that. I think I should sleep more, which is hard on double-room full of people who don't go sleep before 1:00AM. Ah,well.

And just by a lucky chance I walked into an store with herbal supplements and such... bought Rescue remedy... it seems to be working. Or maybe my mind decided to behave again, all of sudden... but I have been productive today.

That being said, there are people who have been successful without meds.

Well, I hope to be one of them.

Don't knock it till you've tried it love.

I am afraid the damage may be irreversible... it had been for some people in the past and i don't want to risk it, unless absolutelly necessary. I can still manage, even if it's superhard at times. I am not danger to myself and I am not hurting others. So I have a lot to lose... I am afraid that I would not be myself anymore, that i would lost my creativity, lose emotions completely. I don't want to gain weight (because I have enough issues with my self-image as it is), I don't want to risk my health...

I have been advised in the past by an alternative therapist (whom I unfortunatelly cannot see now as he lives some 200km from here) that it's okay to go without medication as long as my BP does not dramatically interfere with my life.
For me this is a question of my beliefs... I don't believe in chemistry...

Thanks again for your support.

[Trippin2.0]

Well you have my supp0rt no matter what course of action you take. Good Luck hun! XOXO

[venusss]

Thanks a lot.

Bit TOO up today... I don't mind that though, overall, at least I get some work done and have no problems thinking in both English and Czech like yesterday (if I don't let thoughts as "Let's buy Wings of Isis and become street artist in Rome" to take over my mind).

[sane1logic1]

You are entitled to negotiate your dosage.

I learned to be assertive enough to negotiate my dosage with my GP.

[sugahorse1]

Glad you had a productive day HUGS xx