[minnesotaohyes52]

Well hello everyone, My name is Ashley, and i'm just curious to know if I have bipolar disorder. I read some of the information and it seems like it, but i'm just not sure, I have BDD dealing with my body figure. I currently weigh 95 pounds and i am 5 ft 1 inches tall. I sometimes feel so depressed and feel like i cant take life very much, but others (not as much as being depressed) I feel like i'm happy. I seem to have anxiety all the time at like a 4 out of 10 on a scale of 1 to 10, And I really just wanna know if I have it so here are some of my symptoms:

Feels fat most of the time feels thin other times.

I feel depressed a lot and like my family doesn't understand.

Sometimes i feel like everything is alright and im completely happy.

I get severe anger sometimes towards my family and friends over nothing, it feels like i want to kill them ( not literally) but yeah..

I never taken prescription drugs before in my life, sometimes i really want them but i feel like they will make me act differently from who i really am..

I have an iq of 127 but i feel so stupid all of the time, i write and draw a lot and people say they are amazing and i'll think so as well, but then other times i hate my work, but then a few hours/days/weeks after i throw it away ill miss it..

I've thought about telling my family so many times since i was 13 but now i'm 18 and not a word has came out of my mouth.

So please give me some helpful tips..

[Ryask]

Only a professional can truly diagnose bi-polar but you can look at some of the symptoms and see if they apply to you.

Here are some symptoms of mania (that's the highs)

• Feeling unusually “high” and optimistic OR extremely irritable
• Unrealistic, grandiose beliefs about one’s abilities or powers
• Sleeping very little, but feeling extremely energetic
• Talking so rapidly that others can’t keep up
• Racing thoughts; jumping quickly from one idea to the next
• Highly distractible, unable to concentrate
• Impaired judgment and impulsiveness
• Acting recklessly without thinking about the consequences
• Delusions and hallucinations (in severe cases)

Here are some symptoms of depression (the lows)

• Feeling hopeless, sad, or empty.
• Irritability
• Inability to experience pleasure
• Fatigue or loss of energy
• Physical and mental sluggishness
• Appetite or weight changes
• Sleep problems
• Concentration and memory problems
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Thoughts of death or suicide

Anyways from your name i assume you are from the US, there are some numbers that i can offer where they may be able to give some information or even help you set up an appointment with a professional who would be able to properly diagnose you.

Information Helpline
Trained volunteers provide information, referrals, and support to all who have questions about or are affected by serious mental illness. Call 1-800-950-NAMI.

or a state by state listing of all services provided in each state:

http://www.suicidehotlines.com

They have listings for crisis lines, suicide hot lines as well as over the phone counciling, or referral services it's also ok to just ask questions.

I sure hope you give some of those resources a look, it might turn out to be one of the best things you have ever decided to do.

Oh and about the prescription drugs, they never actually change who you are as a person or at least haven't in my experience. I was like you though when i got diagnosed i was like, yeah fine but i am not gonna be taking all these meds. However my doctor explained it kinda like this, she said when you get depressed it's because your brain doesn't have enough of certain chemicals to keep you happy, these are natural chemicals in your brain, so if you use a medication that makes you use more of these chemicals from your own natural stores, that's really not like an artificial production of chemicals that you take, it's more like a vitamin really. I mean why suffer if you don't have to, taking a pill or two is really no big deal, but who knows maybe you wont have to, sometimes counciling is enough for some people.

Anyways please post back when you decide what you want to do, these are just my suggestions and in no way are they the only way.

Good luck!

[blueoctober]

Welcome Ashley, Ryask has given you some excellent information. I would just add that ideally you should see a Psychiatrist for a diagnosis. I'm not sure if you're in school still, but if you are perhaps you could see a school counselor? You don't need to suffer in silence.

[sugahorse1]

Don't be afraid to ask a professional for help; and they are really the only ones that can assist you. Also do some research into Borderline personality disorder, which has very similar symptoms to Bipolar.
If you are still at school, remember that hormones play a big part in your teenage years.
But if you feel it is imparing your functioning, you need to see a professional that can help improve your standard of life

[wing]

Agreed with all above. The only way to know is to see a psychiatrist. If you're uncomfortable about taking meds, seeing a psychologist is a good first step.You're 18 now, and can be responsible for your own care, but I would suggest talking to the one in your family you are closest to about this.

[PT52]

Hi Ashley, welcome to PC! I hope you hang around here as you go through your journey. There is an endless amount of support, knowledge, and unconditional acceptance.

I can relate to everything you are going through right now, but I've had 30 plus years to wander my way to where I am.

When I was 28, I was also 95 lbs and I am 5'0". What I can tell you for sure is that if you don't get help for whatever behavior is causing the weight loss, your body won't hold out long enough for your mind to heal.

You didn't say if you're getting therapy for your BDD, but meds in conjunction with cognitive behavioral therapy have shown good success.

CBT and meds also benefit other disorders, including BP. And don't be afraid of meds. I spent my life having flashes of creative brilliance, but rarely finished anything, and like you, hated a lot of what I did. I was criticized for wasting my talent and intelligence (unfortunately stuck with the IQ label of 145, which in no way defines who I am).

I have learned to accept that I may not have those flashes of brilliance, but my talent and intelligence is still there. The only difference is that I have to be more the norm and actually apply myself to the task. I've found that it's a much more satisfying victory.

Whatever diagnosis you get, whether it's one or a combination of disorders, the most important thing is to get the proper treatment...and remember, you are so much more than any disorder. I hope you can learn to love yourself. We love you!