[PT52]

I noticed I spend a lot of time giving advice and forget to ask for it. So here goes:

The job thing. 5 jobs in 6 years. For those who don't already know, fired from my last job soon after diagnosis and disclosure. Ironically, meds were kicking in and I was doing well. Still doing well.

So, hubs still doesn't trust that things are different, because maybe things aren't really different - maybe it's just the BP talking, maybe I won't ever be able to keep a job.

Sis, who has been the one I could really talk to, has started using armchair psychology on me, like saying something obnoxious then trying to force me not to respond (so I can learn, "Don't talk back to the boss"). Just made me angry because I know the difference between work behavior and sibling behavior. I've never been insubordinate in a job - I just made people feel really uncomfortable. I get it now, but no one believes me. She finally got ticked off because I refused to be "fixed" and I suspect was actually in a hypomanic phase herself. Talk about the blind leading the blind..

So anyway, how can I convince them that I'm wiser and really working on interpersonal communication when saying that could be interpreted as being delusional???

This one's a definite AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!

[kitty004567]

I don't know. If they're going to think you're delusional either way why does it matter? But, if you're concerned about possibly loosing your job, I'd talk to your T about how to seem less intimidating perhaps?

[wing]

PT,
It sounds to me like they really want to "help" but don't know how. Can you remind them that this is behavior that comes from internal sources, not external, and the work you're doing is within yourself? The "this is something I need to do myself" strategy. I say to my husband "You are not responsible for my behavior or my feelings. How I react to things is totally me, and you can't change those reactions, only I can." I repeat the same statement the same exact way as often as I need to. I have to keep firm boundaries in place, or he gets in the way trying to help.

About the job...I commend you for trying to be honest with your employer, but I don't think honesty is the best policy in a work environment. There is too much stigma, and the tendency to be scrutinized is even greater than in our families.

[sundog]

((((((((((((((PT)))))))))))))))))) I don't have any siblings so don't know what that relationship is like. But if I imagine I had a close friend with the same mental health issues that I have, and this friend was trying to fix me by doing "exercises" like the one you describe here, that would really piss me off. Unless I had specifically asked this friend to help me in this way.

Can you just tell your sis that you appreciate she's trying to help, but what she's doing isn't actually helping (or maybe a bit more diplomatically than that!!) I forget, are you in therapy? Then you could say you'd prefer to work with your therapist on this?

I'm not sure how to prove to people that you're "different now", other than by being living proof. If that makes sense. In other words, through your actions. Walking the Talk, or whatever that phrase is. But even then, you're still allowed to screw up sometimes!!!! EVERYONE DOES!! Even people with no history of mental illness. Everyone makes mistakes and does things that, in retrospect, they wish they hadn't. I guess I'm just saying that because I'm wanting to make the point that, even though you're working on the interpersonal stuff, you still don't have to be perfect. And no one has a right to expect you to be perfect!

(((((((((((((((PT))))))))))))))))))) I really hope your hubby and your sis can give you the support you deserve!! And I really hope things work out job-wise

[blueoctober]

Hi PT You are doing very well especially since you have been recently diagnosed.

I noticed the same thing when I was first diagnosed. When someone asked how I was doing it seemed like he or she would be suspicious if I gave a positive answer. It was annoying, but I also understand why. I had put a facade on for so many years that when I ended up being hospitalized it was a shock to everyone. Now 3 years after my diagnosis the suspicion has stopped and friends are just happy to hear when I'm feeling well.

I agree with sundog that actions speak louder than words, but it's also an adjustment phase for you, your husband, family and friends. It will get better. If you want to ease back into the work world you may want to consider volunteering.

[PT52]

Thanks everyone for your advice!

kitty: I'm on a waiting list for a T - there's only one in my area that specializes in BP.

wingin'it - I disclosed because I was pretty sure I was being pushed out of that job and I wanted to cover my bases. Turned out to be a wise move - I have a civil rights attorney who is going to file a wrongful termination complaint since they violated the ADA.

The frustrating thing is that my unemployment is a totally different situation than before. I am so much more "normal" than I was and I'm doing practical, long-term things to improve my chances of getting and keeping employment. I thought I've been walking the walk, like sundog said. But even when I point it out, neither my husband or my sister seem to notice.

On a side note, sundog, I have five sibs, all BP...you want a couple of them? I have plenty to spare!

My sister should understand -she was diagnosed long before I was. My husband is getting there, but pretty slowly. The two of them are my primary support system, so I really hoped they would at least be encouraging rather than expecting me to screw things up again.

I guess I'm just feeling like I could use a little cheerleading from them - I get plenty of negativity elsewhere! But I will try to be patient until I have more evidence to show them Thanks again, everyone.

[sundog]

I totally understand why you want some cheerleading from them ((((((((((PT))))))))))))) and you totally deserve it. I'm glad your hubs is slowly coming round (hope he picks up his pace a bit!!) In the meantime, we're all cheering you on like crazy (I know it's not the same, but we're doing it anyhow!!!!) ((((((((((((PT))))))))))))))

[wing]

I'm glad you have friends here for support till the family comes around.

[sugahorse1]

I'm sorry PT52 - We'rea ll here for you. I think it's as much of a blow for your family and loved ones, as it is for you when you are first dx'd. I'm sure they want to help. You'll show them over time how much stronger you've become. You are a strong person, and don't need to base your happiness on purpose on what others think of you.
Give your sis as much literature as possible - I find it too painful to try explain to someone, especially if I get threatened with the "Well, just snap out of it" kind of answer

[Trippin2.0]

I have absolutely NO PROBLEM being your cheerleader!

'Oh PT you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind!
Go PT, oh oh, screw BP!"
GOOOOoooooOOOO PT!!!!!

WHOOHOO ( forgive me, I'm a closet woo girl!

[PT52]

You know what? I don't care if I spend way too much time here - you all are awesome! BTW, trippin - that cheer is indescribable!

My new plan of action is to keep my head down, focus on my plan for future financial success and try to avoid any conversation that questions my ability to succeed. And when I need cheerleaders, I know where to find them!

[blueoctober]

That sounds like a great plan PT. I hope your family comes around, but in the meantime there's no point beating your head against a wall.

I appreciate the support you have given me and others and you deserve some support for yourself.