[flawlessimperfectionsmft]

Lately i have been feeling absolutely horrible even though I am on 1000mg of Depakote. I have been getting frustrated and have just been wanting to hit things and I can't control it. I have mostly been taking it out on my boyfriend. I mean I recall, just barely, that I was getting pissed at him for no apparent reason and just wanting to punch him, which I would by hitting him on the chest because I just felt like I needed to get something out. I don't know if this a symptom of me just being a ***** or is this part of my Bipolar acting up. I'm new to this whole Bipolar diagnosis. Another thing is I can hardly remember why I was pissed or remember doing anything to my boyfriend at all. It's very crazy and kinda scary because I can literally not control it.

Thank y'all for your help.

[blueoctober]

Hi flawlessimperfectionsmft; I still experience mood swings even with medication. In saying that I have gotten better at controlling my temper and can recognize when it's coming from the BP. Therapy has helped me with this. Note:I was diagnosed in 2007.

If you aren't already I suggest speaking to a therapist and you may want to speak to your Psychiatrist as well. Depending how long you have been experiencing these symptoms you may need a med adjustment and/or change. Hope that helps.

[flawlessimperfectionsmft]

Yeah I have already been diagnosed and I go back to see my psychiatrist on November 30, so hopefully we will get this figured out. I was just doing so good on this new medication that I was getting use to not having these mood swings then this came out of no where and just kinda broke me down. It's very frustrating. I was diagnosed in 2010 (Earlier)

[wing]

I had mixed episodes accompanied by rages until I started taking Abilify. Maybe your doctor would be amenable to adding it for you.

[flawlessimperfectionsmft]

I actually am currently on 5 mg Abilify and 1000 mg Depakote.

[wing]

He increased mine gradually till my symptoms disappeared. I'm on 30 mg now, which I know is a high dose, but I'm having no side effects. According to my dr, it is a difficult drug to dose and can be increased until the desired effect is achieved, assuming you can tolerate it. My mood stabilizer is Lamictal 200mg.

[Moreta]

most likely it's your BP acting up. meds have a nice way of stabilizing you for a while, but then need to be tweaked b/c they tend to poop out on you. well, at least that's my experience with medication. i know some can stay on the same ones forever, but from what i've read us BP people tend to go through a lot of them. i've been dx'ed for 7 years now, and have been on all the meds out there. the trick is getting the right combo, that will help stabilize you. once stabilized you can work on the skills that we need to use when we do have mood swings. most of the time, we're not prepared to handle said situation, when we are having mood swings, and rage can be part of mania.

[Ryask]

This reminds me of a bit of a funny story, My husband and I had driven through McDonalds and grabbed a breakfast sandwich, i wnet to offer him his sandwich while we were driving and he didn't grab it immediately, i got so pissed off i through it out his window.It's funny now but at the time it wasn't funny, i also get extremely irritated at the simplest things and take it out on my husband. It's not me, it's definatly the bi polar.I think even with the right medication sometimes anger just flares up.

[sugahorse1]

For me, these kind of random, out of character acts, can be attributed to BP. And those people closest to you, that really know you, will be able to pick up on what is YOU and what is BP. I hate having to blame BP for some of my actions, but it sometimes really is the truth

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by flawlessimperfectionsmft

was just doing so good on this new medication that I was getting use to not having these mood swings then this came out of no where and just kinda broke me down. It's very frustrating. I was diagnosed in 2010 (Earlier)

It's not necessarily all related to meds not working. I find there are certain things that trigger my symptoms. Stress is a big one, PMS is another and poor eating habits (i.e. takeout, junk food etc). Therapy has really helped me keep myself in check when I get that black and white thinking that is bound to end in me snapping. Exercising regularly also helps stabilize my mood. You may want to start tracking your mood and note if you can identify certain triggers. I use an online mood tracker at http://www.medhelp.org/land/mood-tracker

The meds will never cure my BP, but since 2007 I have learned how to manage it. We may not have control over our moods at times, but we can usually remove ourselves from the situation go for a walk etc. I will also note that sometimes people get angry and it has nothing related to BP. When I was initially diagnosed I often attributed any mood/feelings to my BP i.e. if I was happy I must be hypomanic, sad I must be depressed. You have recently been diagnosed and you will get better at recognizing your triggers, and learn how to manage the symptoms in a healthy manner.

[Skully]

Has your doctor been checking your valpuric acid levels? Maybe there isn't enough of the depakote in your system?

Also, medication is only 50% of the battle. Behavior patterns and ways of thinking take up the other 50%.

[flawlessimperfectionsmft]

Thank you everyone for y'alls help.

[flawlessimperfectionsmft]

Yes he has been checking my valpuric acid levels and they are right where they should be.

[madisgram]

ok just to add to the comments...don't know how long you've been on the depakote but some meds can cause adverse behavior-rage being one. i'd contact your pdoc. this may be what's causing it and not your bipolar. you just may not be able to take it or a lower dose might work. idk.

[flawlessimperfectionsmft]

I have been on depakote for about a month.

[flawlessimperfectionsmft]

I went and talked to my doctor and he indeed said that it was my bipolar acting up. So he upped my dosage of Abilify from 5 mg to 10 mg. Hopefully I feel back to normal here soon.

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by flawlessimperfectionsmft

So he upped my dosage of Abilify from 5 mg to 10 mg. Hopefully I feel back to normal here soon.

I hope that increase helps.

[sugahorse1]

Hoping you feel better soon.
Regarding not remembering - Depression can lead to short-term memory loss. I go through crazy rage phases when I'm in a mixed episode, or depressed and haven't been able to recharge my batteries (Burnout+Depression = DISASTER!)

[Eloise42]

I think the key here is that you don't really remember. I guess there are people with anger management issues that experience black out rages. I personally have not but I have DEFINITELY had what you are describing, fuzzy memories around more rage-y episodes.