[BNLsMOM]

And everyone is thinking about being together when all I want is to be alone and far away.

At the same time I want someone to scoop me up amd keep me safe. After a very difficult session, my T asked me if he could hug me today and I said, "yes." It was the safest feeling I have had in a long time.

[ladyjrnlist]

(((((BNLsMOM))))))
The holidays are hard for a lot of us. Thinking of you.

[BNLsMOM]

Oh, I am really falling apart. I keep pushing my kids away and I am distractible and angry, irritable, and sad, depressed and wanting to run away or disappear or something. I have to get through the next couple of weeks, but all I want to do is curl up and not be here.

I am in such a mixed episode. I need relief.

[Moose72]

I hear ya. It's a horrible place to be.

[BlackPup]

BNLsMOM: I'm so sorry you feel like this. All I can offer you is heartfelt and

[crzyladee]

I'm really sorry you're having such a bad time right now. Atleast it only happens once a year right?

[sugahorse1]

Try and take as much time out and be on your own as possible. I know it's not easy to not feel guilty that you are letting people down, but you can do it subtly. Even if you start your mornings off with a quiet walk on your own. Thinking of you.

[BNLsMOM]

Will just have to grit my teeth and deal. This is honestly the first year that I am flat out dreading the holiday obligations. Usually I am OK with it and sometimes I even look forward to it. I hope that doesn't make me ungrateful, because I do appreciate what I have and my family. It's just that my mind plays all these awful bipolar tricks on me.

[widgets]

at least you know its the Bipolars tricks. Just try and remember that when ur feeling awful!
Try and forget its the holidays, just pretend its any other time of year! i know its easier said than done.

[bfoxy41brown]

This is the first Thanksgiving in many years that I am not cooking a big meal and I am all alone with the dogs. It is quiet and peaceful and I am joining your group. I plan to read and sew. I have had a hard time these past two years both physical and mental. Just enjoying the solitude for a change....

[Skully]

I know how you feel. I just want to be alone and remember all the Thanksgivings I had with my mom. But at the same time I don't want to be alone today because it takes the sadness away to be with others. It is an internal conflict with no right answer

[kitty004567]

Hugs for you! Seems like everyone has problems during the holidays. My family scaled things back (at my request) so they weren't so overwhelming for me. Good luck!

[BNLsMOM]

It was better than I thought it was going to be. Dinner at my parents' house was chill as usual, and at my inlaws' house, they were all cleaned up and done with food. Of course they probably didn't know that we were having dessert at my parents' and thought they were guilt tripping us by not giving us dessert.