[michellemj]

Apologizing up front for the length. I am seperated and soon to be divorced from my husband of 22 years. He is dealing with bipolar, having been diagnosed about 11 years ago right around a suicide attempt. The illness is what prompted the divorce. since the seperation he has been increasingly manic, so much so that he has lost his job and contemplated suicide again. I have seen him rapid cycle. Since I am no longer with him, and as in the past ten years, been able to assist him in keeping his stress levels down, and grounding him when he would start to get manic to some extent, he is now turning to our son, a sr in hs, for support. I have protected our two sons for years from their fathers behavior, and our son is not prepared to deal with this. he is spending wildely& erratically, not looking for another job, now is telling me about how people are following him & how his former employers have hired private investigators, how he has all these plans to make millions of dollars, if I would just move back into the family home so he doesn't have to pay child support , and can finish all the manipulative plans he has going on, even typing this I know its irrational and speaking with my sons psyichaitrist (treated for depression) he said that years ago episodes like this would be considered majoyr psych episodes and he would be hospitalized, but not anymoe, unless he is a threat to himself or soeone else, he is left alone. supposedly he is going to his therapist weekly and taking his medications, but he has also told me that he pretty much just tells his therapist what he wants him to know and is 'trying to find a balance in his meds so he doesn't go to sleep again and keeps his genius'. I have called his therapist to report some of his behavior, and a few days later he came home and accused me of interfering with his therapy, and that his therapist thinks I am over reacting. I was waking up at night with him breaking into the house to find him sitting in a chair staring at me. he has never overtly thretened me, so i cannot get a restraining order. I know this is the illness, but I can't help him, and it seems that no one else can either, he is destroying what is left of the family financially and emotionally. My oldest thinks he needs to go live with his dad in order to be the one who "takes care of him"
I am at a loss as to where to turn for help for my family. I know this is a rant and seemingly disjointed, but that is what our lives have been because of this. I think anyone dealing with this disease is incredibly courageous, i don't even know what I am asking for in terms of help....

[bpd2]

It's hard to advise without more information, like who has custody of the kids?, do you have any mental health problems yourself?, do you have a therapist?, does your husband have a key to your house? (if not, and he breaks in, yes, you can get a restraining order---and if he does have a key, is that a good idea?)....

The bottom line of all relationships with the mentally ill is that you have to protect yourself and your children. You are not responsible for your husband's illness or its treatment--he is not responsible for his illness, but he is responsible for getting treatment. It seems to me that it is high time the kids had some professional conversations about their father's illness--with a psychiatrist or psychologist--and I say that partly because, I believe the stat is 50% chance?, they may inherit the disease and the more prepared they are for that possibility, the better they themselves can handle their own situation. It is probably very, very difficult to even consider that possibility--that they will have the disease, but it is also the responsible thing to do. If they see the disease being treated responsibly and productively, they are more likely to be that way themselves. Just my opinion....

[Anneinside]

The chance of having bipolar with one parent having the disorder is closer to 35% according to the web. It increases if both parents have bipolar.

Of course there is nothing we can do for you except wish you well. If you don't have a therapist you might consider getting one for the family as both you and the kids learn how to deal with their father's illness and the divorce. If you haven't done so yet, change the locks. It is easy to do... just a screwdriver is needed.

[PT52]

Sorry this is such a rough time for you. It's never easy having to make such painful decisions. bpd2 is right in that you need to focus on protecting your children and yourself - physically, mentally and emotionally. Do the practical things (changing the locks, installing an alarm system), and whatever legal options you have (even if you can't get a restraining order, you might be able to limit his visitation to supervised only). Family therapy and education about his disease so that you can move forward in a positive direction for the well-being of your children. Sending positive vibes your way...

[blueoctober]

Hi michellemj; so sorry you are going through this. I have been on both sides of this fence. My mom was diagnosed with BP when I was a child and I was diagnosed at 31. I think you've taken some very good steps by talking to his therapist. Is there someone in his life that he would be open to listen to? Perhaps he or she could voice their concerns to him. It sounds like he isn't taking his medication and/or not taking them as prescribed.

His actions concern me. Is there a family member or friends you can stay with? I hope your husband seeks out appropriate help and begins managing the illness. Until he does setting boundaries with him is important. I would also suggest therapy for yourself and the children.