[cocos421]

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of depressions coming and going. I hate being a stepmom. I hate it, I swear she hates me. 10 years old now, she used to be a doll, I guess she's just growing up and doesn't need me anymore.
My pdoc raised my Topamax from 175mg to 250mg and took me from 10mg of Prozac to going off of it completely. This was about 3 weeks ago.
I feel like crap! I am think I am suicidal, I think about it when I am driving alone. I cry alot. My husband took his daughter down south to see her mom for the holidays. He will be home tomorrow, but I am here alone now. I've felt so bad that I finally just popped a Prozac yesterday. And today.
I also read that Topamax can cause suicide ideations. I've never experienced this before with Topamax, been on it for years, so I guess I am just depressed and need the Prozac. This happens every single time I try to go off it, I should know by now.
I hate feeling like this, especially around the holidays.
And I got my haircut, and it's too darn short, so I am wearing a hat! I hate it!
I just feel like poop, and needed to let it out. I'm going to cry now.

[blueoctober]

cocos421 I'm sorry you're going through this. Please don't hesitate going to the ER if you feel unsafe. Have you discussed with your pdoc about going on a different anti-d? Perhaps you could go on an anti-d that's not a SSRI? I hope you're feeling better soon.

[Gus1234U]

hope you feel better soon, and get those meds checked ~! best wishes,, Gus

[XxLifexX]

I recently got my medications switched as well. I was on Abilify (5 mg) and I got switched to Syroqule (400 mg). The Abilify made me feel like I was going crazy. And I felt even worse when I came off it. but now I feel like my normal self again.
Things will get better eventually, just keep rolling with the punches that come your way. And I'm sure that your step-daughter loves you. She might not tell you that but I think it's just the age that she's at. Hope that helps! Feel better.

[PT52]

aw, cocos! big hugs to get you thru today and do whatever you need to do to stay safe!

Children always need us, step or otherwise. She still loves you and needs you.

I hate bad haircuts, too..but if you can look on the bright side, think about someone who is a narrow-minded, mean S.O.B., and remind yourself that hair grows out, but stupidity is forever..

Be safe.

[BNLsMOM]

Topamax sent me to the hospital with serious suicidal ideations. I will never take it again.

[racee]

topamax rarely ever helps montherapy...i am not gonna say it hasn't been done...but rarely does...usually you are on lets just say medA and thats not workign to it's full potential so you add medB mood stabilizer and it gives you that extra kick you need to be a wonderful combo....antidepressant and mood stabilizer usually does the trick why did the doc take you off the prozac??? topamax and wellbutrin was a wonderfull combo for me for awhile till it poopd out...but if you have major anxiety welly could puch you to the edge

[racee]

just so you know topamax has a sweet spot so say you are taking 250 and it just isn't working 5mg can make all the difference up or down that is why you titrate very slowly on it just just try to hit a number.

[cocos421]

Thanks for all the replies. I do take Welbutrin, Lamictal, and Abilfy as well as the Topamax and Prozac. Good news is today I feel terrific. I think the Prozac made a difference since I started taking it again a few days ago. I guess I need it. My husband noticed the difference in me the past day. I no longer have thoughts of harming myself and I feel positive again.