[omo28]

Hi all, this is going to be a long backstory--in short I've been diagnosed with bipolar type II, and think I may have an anxiety or panic disorder and not bipolar.
Backstory: I was diagnosed about a year ago, in my last year of university, with bipolar type II, after having what seemed to be a manic episodes that lasted around a month. I was put on abilify, which did nothing, and then lamictal (about 6mos. now) which has been ok, but not sure it is really making a difference. For the past month or so my pretty major anxiety has been getting worse--something that the two psychiatrists i've seen have done little about--until finally my current one put on klonopin daily. the anxiety has improved somewhat--i feel way better starting the klonopin that I ever did with abilify or lamictal (still on the lamictal, 200mg). when I was had my suspected manic episode, i had just finished the most difficult class, basically a grad school level lab class. during that class I was so stressed out and nervous I was puking before almost every class and nearly had a panic attack during the final exam. it was the holiday season, my best friend and mom basically played matchmaker and set me up on a date, I started sort of dating the guy for about two weeks, he broke up with me because he still lives in my hometown and I live in the city of my university (about 5 hours away). that was a little upsetting. I had been drinking increasing amounts with my friends from my lab class, and was basically consuming a bottle of vodka every week (in addition to the drinks my friends bought me...which was a lot). this is coming from somebody who typically drinks one, maybe two glasses of wine/beer/sake with dinner or in the evening. what followed was increasing partying with friends. a bit more impulsive spending but too much. basically normal things a early 20's person does when rebelling...just out of the ordinary for me. i thought something was wrong when i started basically trying to seduce one my male friends when I was extremely drunk. my close relative, just got diagnosed with bipolar I, was working on her phd at the time and suggested I tag along with some of her research in europe (she's spent a few years in europe in the past). I went along with the plan and got very excited, and she was manic at the time so naturally it did not pan out. so, that is what happened during the manic episode. obviously, I was not hospitalized, harmed myself, didn't spend too much money (ok, maybe a total of $75), some hypersexuality but that could be chalked up to age, drinking and such. I've been discussing it with my therapist and there isn't really anything in my past that looks like a hypomanic episode other that one incident.
now on the other hand, I've had pretty terrible anxiety and phobias since childhood. I had a perfectionist and emotional abusive father that my mother divorced when I was 10 and he remarried when I was 13/14 and I never heard from him again. I definitely have a lot of issues related to that, which my psych and therapist haven't really gotten into discussing much, despite me mentioning bits. they're focusing on what's happened in the past year. I was also bullied to severe degree from middle to high school, for many reasons. I've had some depression-like feelings in high school and when I was adjusting to university life, but never self-harmed, suicidal thoughts, etc.

After listening to what my relative, who without a doubt is bipolar, I feel like I probably am not bipolar, at least not I or II. I've been question the diagnosis a bit all along, but keep being told that's just part of bipolar. yes, i had a great deal of moodiness as a teen, but was also going through hell with classmates, family, health issues and anxiety/phobias. I'm by nature a creative, outgoing person, but not uncontrollably so. I feel like the more depressed time just look like stark contrast because my "normal" is naturally bright.

reading so many of the discussions here, I can certainly empathize, but don't feel like my experiences reflect bipolar. I've never had the intense sensory experiences, or been suicidal. I have stopped being friends with much of my old social circle because they were essentially toxic and encouraging the drinking, partying and in general being emotionally unhealthy. what do you all think?
regardless I'm going to give my psychiatrist a call and see about setting an appointment very soon--because I feel like my concern that I'm not bipolar and have some anxiety/phobia type problem needs to be properly addressed instead of being brushed aside as another symptom of bipolar.

If you've taken the time to read all this, thank you so much.

[blueoctober]

Welcome omo28; a person diagnosed with Bipolar II doesn't experience full blown mania like a person with BP I. The "manic" episode for BP II is called hypomania and can share similar symptoms of mania, but tends not to last as long or be as severe. For me the hypomania has been pretty mild and mostly presents as me being highly driven. Anxiety can be a part of the depression and hypomania for me.

We all experience this illness differently. My mom is diagnosed as well and our symptoms are completely different. I think it's fine to question the diagnosis and perhaps a place to start would be to educate yourself on Bipolar. You may also want to track your mood I use this online one at http://www.medhelp.org/land/mood-tracker

I hope you find this site supportive.

[omo28]

Thanks blueoctober. I have been keeping lots of mood charts, although I kind of switched to my own system of jotting a couple notes in my daily planner, since it has a cute little temperature and weather space...I feel like more qualitative notes on my mood are more helpful than plotting things on a chart (although that's very helpful for many, i'm sure).
I'm a bit concerned that what my psychiatrists and therapists are classifying as hypomanic would be more simply explained as "college behavior" or toxic friends, since...although I think that is something I'll have to decide with my psychiatrist. I guess I feel like everything is being explained as bipolar, when there's definitely other ways to see it. the anxiety has been a good case, that's been lumped in with the bipolar since I was diagnosed, and clearly it has not gone away...the anxiety I've experience is completely independent of my moods and has been something I've dealt with since a child.

[Ryask]

Originally Posted by omo28

regardless I'm going to give my psychiatrist a call and see about setting an appointment very soon--because I feel like my concern that I'm not bipolar and have some anxiety/phobia type problem needs to be properly addressed instead of being brushed aside as another symptom of bipolar.

Welcome omo28. I'd just like to say i felt the exact same way, when i was first diagnosed as bi-polar i REALLY felt like it was a wrong diagnosis. I was certain i had maybe GAD(generalized anxiety disorder) or maybe social phobia...either way i didn't know but i was absolutely sure that it was in fact an anxiety disorder and not bi-polar.(I have since been proven wrong...very very wrong)

Anyways the last part here really stands out you may or may not be bi-polar but your absolutely right it does need to be addressed and not brushed off as a symptom. However, if you are or are not it doesnt make too much difference, what needs to change is your anxiety levels. It is your responsibility to tell your doctor when medications are not working as intended, making things worse, your having side effects of any kind. It is thier job to switch those to something else. It's a long process finding something amazing but let me tell you it's well worth it bi-polar or not you deserve some relief. When i walked into the doctors office the first time i was having terrible anxiety almost constantly, much like you described. I would become physically ill with anxiety, and on a scale of 1-10 1 being a little nervous and 10 being a panic attack i cycled basically from 8-10. I was prescribed citalopram (celexa) and for 2-3 days my anxiety got worse! But after that third day my anxiety went to 0. I have now been anxiety free long enough to see that i definitely never want to go back to the anxiety. Anyways i just want to give you some hope, that things can improve your feelings of anxiety, as well as encourage you to seek treatment of your symptoms whether they are bi-polar are not.

[blueoctober]

omo28, great that you're tracking your mood and whatever works great. I need the online one because I got lazy doing a handwritten one You could be right that the symptoms explained as hypomania were just stress induced from college etc. Either way just keep speaking up for yourself and work with your Pdoc on finding the right meds to get some relief. When I had my lamictal raised from 200 to 300 mg it made a difference for me. You may even want to consider seeing a therapist.

[PT52]

Hi, omo28, and welcome to PC. blueoctober and Ryask give some great advice. One of the things that is most difficult is to focus less on the diagnosis and focus more on finding the right treatment. Whether it's BP, anxiety, ADD, etc., treatment addresses symptoms, and many disorders have similar symptoms. Another thing is that you could easily have more than one disorder; I'm diagnosed BP II and also generalized anxiety disorder, but it still comes down to treating the symptoms.

Hope that helps, and glad you found us; I think you will find that you get a lot of support and understanding here.

[omo28]

ah, yeah I should have mentioned I have been seeing a therapist, and have been on lamictal (200mg) but I've been feeling like it's not really doing anything--my moods were already getting back to normal just around when I started the lamictal. it's just been really frustrating that 1.) my pdoc and therapist are tending to focus on the present and not asking much about the past--when there's a lot there that is still causing issues for me and 2.) that everything I say something along the lines of perhaps i'm there's something other than bipolar the reaction has been like that's a very bipolar thing to say. the more my therapist has been asking if there are previous episode of hypomania in the past we can't find one that really is. and if the one that i'm being diagnosed by was also a time to bad friends, way too much alcohol, way too much, and such...it just really makes me wonder if it's right that I got a diagnosis of bipolar after one, maybe two sessions (this was not quite a year ago that I was diagnosed). my cousin, however, took many visits to be diagnosed, I know everybody is different. also, my initial visit with my first pdoc, that diagnosed me, I had said "i think i had a manic episode" and the pdoc just went with that...I feel like the possibility that it's in the range of normal for a 21 year old should be considered. thank you all for the support and letting me vent!

[PT52]

1.) my pdoc and therapist are tending to focus on the present and not asking much about the past--when there's a lot there that is still causing issues for me

This is most likely because the current data suggests that cognitive behavioral therapy works better for some disorders and that involves addressing the "now" because the past is the past. Not that anyone would make light of it; sometimes the discussion needs to include things from the past. One of the things my therapist has me working on is letting go of past grievances so that they don't bog me down and prevent me from moving forward in a positive way.

[omo28]

Originally Posted by PT52

This is most likely because the current data suggests that cognitive behavioral therapy works better for some disorders and that involves addressing the "now" because the past is the past. Not that anyone would make light of it; sometimes the discussion needs to include things from the past. One of the things my therapist has me working on is letting go of past grievances so that they don't bog me down and prevent me from moving forward in a positive way.

That makes sense, I should read up on CBT, since that is what my therapist does. I suppose it's different coming from my academic background with a philosophy that's more along the lines of "the past informs the present."
letting go of past grievances is important and helpful. In my case it's emotional abuse, which is something that although I've let go and forgiven, I still have specific phobia or anxieties from it that need to be dealt with.