[sugahorse1]

Gee, I'm getting more and more negative towards this hand I've been dealt in life.
I'm not able to see the positives.
Mistakes I've made in the past are coming back to haunt me, and the present has its own headaches. When will this cloud lift?

Every day becomes a mission. And if I dare experience a few days of hypomania, I get cut right off at the knees, as if I'm going crazy - because I cannot be happy and positive for just a few days...?!?

So, we go through the headaches of therapy and continuous med changes - why? We know there is a never a permanent, positive solution. Everything is temporary.

Don't ever get comfortable in any aspect of your life - no doubt that bipolar beast will come back to bite you on the ***** and take you right out your comfort-zone; make you do things that are NOT you, take over your rational mind and being

[Moose72]

Yes it sucks. The feeling normal in remission only to fall into a mixed state and thrown onto anti psychotics- horrible

[lonegael]

Who cuts you off at the knees Suga?
I know that the first years I was diagnosed, I sort of went through that. It takes a while to realize that at the end of the day, you are who you are. You know when you've over done it. It's often just a matter of dealing with the same emotional fallout as always. You don't need a genius with a degree to tell you that, just a willingness to say, "ya know, I did it again, but at least I know why."
Just don't get in the habit of letting people treat you like your disorder sums you up. It doesn't. Not by a long shot. HUGGGSSS

[sugahorse1]

@ Lonegael - mainly my boyfriend, colleagues, my boyfriend's friends (Our social circle)

I want to just be myself again

@Moose - luckily I think I've managed to avoid the anti-psychotics so far :-)

[BlackPup]

staying normal is a bit impossible, but try for a little bit of normal a little bit more often... then try for normal for a little longer a little more often.

Love lonegael's advice on the repercussions of episodes, very wise.

As to hypomanias: it is really important to control them or else you can get really depressed.
Other people's opinions can be really helpful especially if they are close to you and know you well - so it is worth thinking about what they say. Sometimes they can be right!!!!
If they are not people whose opinion you respect, offering unwanted/ inaccurate advice then just be polite and move on - don't take it to heart or make a big hassle about it.
But if they are being inappropriate, eg discussing your mood in public then it would be worth saying that your moods are private and not for public discussion. I think that that is a fair line to draw and that they should respect that.

Just my ideas but feel free to ignore them, personally I haven't had a problem with other people trying to tell me what to do, mainly cos I'm pretty scary so nobody is game to try!!!!!

[sugahorse1]

Thanks Blackpup!
I do appreciate what you have to say - really!
I do tend to take things very personally. Right now Hypomania is keeping me hyper vigilant and sensitive. I crash after a trigger, but bounce back a lot quicker. So I am a bit of a see-saw and no-one can know what to expect.
Sorry for taking up a space on the forum; should not have started this thread.

[Kymaro]

I havent yet to learn how to quote a part of a tread yet but I would if I could

"Should not have started this thread"

I'm sorry you are thinking that way, I know I started one I would like to take back but it kinda helped going back and reading it later and thinking opps - silly me, I was a bit over the wall. I believe no one should be sorry for starting any thread. At the time you start it you needed it and that is why we all here (I think so anyway).

As for the question, I think we each have to learn what "our normal" is. I fought hard for people to accept my normal. I feel the best (mood, physical..etc) when I'm slighty hypomanic. (hypomanic description set by all my pdoc's thus me saying its my normal) Spent years expressing to my doctors that is where I feel the best. Isnt this what its all about "feeling good about yourself and functioning well in everyday life". I do run a risk with my swings going a bit above more than the normal hypomanic stage but it's a risk my family and I are willing to take so that Im not walking around "numb from drugs" every day. Start a mood graft and find the middle most part where "YOU" feel the most normal. Be it slilght above or below the "medical description of normal" and that will be your normal then work hard to keep there. Just a suggestion.

Originally Posted by Kymaro

I havent yet to learn how to quote a part of a tread yet but I would if I could

"Should not have started this thread"

I'm sorry you are thinking that way... I believe no one should be sorry for starting any thread. At the time you start it you needed it and that is why we all here (I think so anyway).

As for the question, I think we each have to learn what "our normal" is. I fought hard for people to accept my normal. I feel the best (mood, physical..etc) when I'm slighty hypomanic. (hypomanic description set by all my pdoc's thus me saying its my normal)...

Totally agree. sugahorse! Especially the do not be sorry for starting a thread part. We post because we are needing the support of others who understand. And so do you. And that is a VERY good thing!

(Kymaro, to quote a post, just hit the "quote" button on the lower left of that post, and voila, it is there for you to respond to. If you want to respond to a particular part, you can edit parts between [quotesoandso and a bunch of numbers] and the [/quote] parts, taking care to not accidently delete the [ and ] parts. If you do though, just type them back on and all will be well.

If you want to quote multiple quotes --or parts thereof-- click on the "off" button next to the "quote" one. They will come up in the order you click them in, so if you want them in a certain order, just click those buttons in the order you would like to see the quotes appear. The "on/off" is a toggle, so if you change your mind about one it is easy. Piece of advice? Highlight and control c (ie.,save) whatever you've written before going back. I can't remember if going back erases the previous writing, but I think it does. It's a good habit to get into anyway, as it is rather traumatic to lose a particularly long or worded-just-right post. Yup, personal experience. Too many times...)

[BlackPup]

There are 29 pages of threads on this forum... so your not takeing up space!!!!!
Anyway I think we all agree that bp is a b!tch!!! Keep up the therapy to decrease your triggers...

[laur88]

Sending supportive thoughts your way, Suga. You are not alone!

[Trippin2.0]

Thinking of you my friend♥

[sugahorse1]

I feel bad when a few days down the line I re-read my posts and realise that I was in a bad place at the time, but should just have been a little more mature and realised that it would pass. That I shouldnt have bombarded others with my problems.
But you guys have been great - I don't deserve the attention and support I get from you all (((everyone)))

[venusss]

That's what this site is for. To get things out of our systems.

[sugahorse1]

((venus)) - thanks. I just dont want to overload others too. Or even feel like a fraud, by being up one day, and crashing the next, then being up again.

[lonegael]

Shoot, that's how we know you're not a fraud, Suga! Sure we know it's a b%&/( and it don't come when you call "Lassie!")! HUUUUUUGGGGGSSSSS

[Vita]

Good to see you express what I thought myself the other day. But we're in it together, Suga, and will help each other cope! Blow it out.

It's somehow reassuring to see others express my frustrations.

[sugahorse1]

Thanks Vita. I'm over the frustration for now, but at the time it was very real!

[BlackPup]

Just to add my voice (again) crying out that BP is a B!Tc#...
don't worry suga... it's nice to know that I am not alone in these thoughts...

[sugahorse1]

They are getting louder and more angry

[BlackPup]

vent and let it all out (suga)
atm I want to drink everything in the fridge then throw things across the room.... I don't think I will do either however!!!

[sugahorse1]

i want to get in my car and drive, as fast as i can, as far as I can. away. from myself, my life, everything. find a pretty viewpoint on the cliffs and say goodbye

[lonegael]

As long as that doesn't includes stepping off of those cliffs, sounds great. I remember standing on the second floor balcony of a class building in Pasadena and looking at the San Francisco Mountains one winter, thinking that I just wanted to start walking towards them and lose myself in them, they were so beautiful, just walk and leave everything lying behind me... including my body eventually. It's that old siren-song, you know. Hang in there, dear. HUGGGGGGSSSSSS

[PT52]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

i want to get in my car and drive, as fast as i can, as far as I can. away. from myself, my life, everything. find a pretty viewpoint on the cliffs and say goodbye

Hey, suga..The view from the emotional cliff can be ugly, for sure. But you know it's going to get better. It wears you down, but you have always been strong enough to work through it, and you can do it this time, too. Sending you all the peaceful, strong vibes I have in my arsenal.

[sugahorse1]

thanks PT - it's going to take a lot. I'm no longer depressed - I think I'm catatonic. the rug has been pulled from under me. At least depression is an emotion - you still have SOMETHING...

[BlackPup]

it will get better...meanwhile, refer to my signature, chocolate prn...