[Pucca]

Sometimes I just don't know how to handle it. I suffer with depression and anxiety so coping with his mood swings sometimes becomes unbearable. We've gotten into severe shouting matches (I know I shouldn't lash back at him, but sometimes I can't help myself). He's never tried to hurt me, but has thrown things against walls and broken many things in our house. Right now he has a lot of pain due to back issues and we've been trying to treat that in addition to his bi-polar, but he refuses to go to therapy.
Sometimes I feel like just throwing my hands up in the air and leaving, but I do love him and want to help him. Any advice would be appreciated.

[blueoctober]

Hi Pucca I don't have a significant other that has bipolar. Diagnosed with bipolar or not every relationship will have obstacles to overcome. You can't force your husband to go to therapy, but you could go yourself. This may help with getting ideas on how to create boundaries etc. Make sure you take time for yourself and surround yourself with your support network when he's unwell. The book in my signature is written for family, significant other and friends of persons diagnosed. It's an excellent book and may help.

[SpcL]

Pucca - You are NOT alone! Your spouse sounds almost exactly like my fiancee (She actually suggested I reply here). The only difference is that she is open to getting therapy. I have done the exact same things, where we get into arguments about things that don't matter and escalate. She has thrown things, but hasn't broken much. I did feel like I needed to let you know that there is someone else here that understands what you're going through (I have PTSD and definitely get the depression/anxiety part of it). Sometimes I get so frustrated with her, and it's like I don't know where my problems end and hers begin. I wish I had some advice to offer you, but I was referred to a book called "Loving someone with bipolar disorder." There are some exercises in there that we haven't started on, but just reading that book made me feel 200% better about my situation. Please feel free to send me a message if you EVER need to vent about anything - I don't know if your spouse has issues with you talking to anyone or not, but if you ever want to just sit down and write out everything that's going on, please feel free to. I know it's therapeutic for me, and I'd be more than willing to listen.

[Parks]

My wife has been diagnosed as schizoaffective instead of bipolar. Her main problem is with depression, but she cycles for short times into hypomania. Her sleep patterns are really skewed, up all night one night, then sleeping 18 or 20 out of 24 hours. She has alot of irritability at times. Fortunately, we been married about 15 yrs. and were both diagnosed long ago. She was diagnosed in '93, and I was diagnosed Bipolar I, with mixed episodes in 1982. We've had a good bit of experience sort of flowing together through various moods and hurdles. I think we were really blessed to find each other. On her side, I am not the easiest person to live with, with my own load of irritability, paranoia, anxiety, panic attacks, hypomania, and basically being a social misfit. We have gotten fairly good at the ebbs and flows in our life, all things considered.