[phlashback]

So the first week of december my coworkers and I were informed that our team was being restructured. With this came the requierment to re-apply for our jobs. At that time we were told that we would be interviewd and know the outcome by December 22nd. As it turns out this ended up being the day we finally got interviewed.

My interview was less than steller. The weekend prior to this I found that my then fiance had cheated on me, and in all honesty I could have cared less about the interview. I was thrown into deep depression, and almost checked myself in to the hospital due to the racing / suicidal thoughts. My family talked me out of the hospital, and my sister-in-law (who is a crises councelor) helped make sure that I was kept safe.

Next week thursday my team and I have a meeting with HR.. of course this was scheduled to interfere with my psychologist. I am on edge, and feel as though everything is outside of my control. Half of me wants to be fired, and the other half does not want to continuing working for an organization that keeps changing the job requierments asking us to do more with less, and give up even more of our off hours free time (salaried).

I really do not want my job, but If I loose it I will not be able to continue seeing my doctors or be able to afford my medications. The stress is killing me, and has caused me not to sleep fully for over a month. I really just want this to end.

I am afraid of what is comming, and I just do not want to face anything else. The anxiety and depression are killing me, and I just do not want to face what is comming.

I feel like I am alone, and that nothing matters anymore. I am unhappy with tears everyday most of the day. I know that this phase will end, but how much am I supposed to take. I just want to escape!

[Anneinside]

I hope things get better for you.

[Detach]

I am falling into depression and irritability lately. Seems as though things keep happening to me, over and over and I'm tired of dealing with it all. The latest is a co-worker backstabbing me yesterday (I'm a home health nurse). She completely contradicted an admission I did on a patient 3 days prior and called the director of nursing trying to get me in trouble. The facts are I did nothing wrong and did not get in trouble, but now I know she's out to get me, so to speak. I was asked to be the admissions nurse, she wasn't and apparently she's jealous.

Anyways, I let a job, bankruptcy and other things get to me before in 09', the stress was enormous and way too much for me to bare. I did not know I was bipolar at this time and did not have a psychiatrist. I reached out to my husband, but was not taken serious when I told him I thought I might hurt myself. Unfortunately, I lost my grip on reality, overdosed and went to bed. I was found 7 hours later in a coma. I spent 4 days in ICU on a ventilator.

I now know that if it gets "that" bad again, I need to go to an ER and tell them to get me help, because...I will hurt myself. So, if it gets "that" bad for you, then please make sure you're in a safe environment, regardless of what your family thinks or says.

[PT52]

Originally Posted by phlashback

So the first week of december my coworkers and I were informed that our team was being restructured. With this came the requierment to re-apply for our jobs. At that time we were told that we would be interviewd and know the outcome by December 22nd. As it turns out this ended up being the day we finally got interviewed.

My interview was less than steller. The weekend prior to this I found that my then fiance had cheated on me, and in all honesty I could have cared less about the interview. I was thrown into deep depression, and almost checked myself in to the hospital due to the racing / suicidal thoughts. My family talked me out of the hospital, and my sister-in-law (who is a crises councelor) helped make sure that I was kept safe.

Next week thursday my team and I have a meeting with HR.. of course this was scheduled to interfere with my psychologist. I am on edge, and feel as though everything is outside of my control. Half of me wants to be fired, and the other half does not want to continuing working for an organization that keeps changing the job requierments asking us to do more with less, and give up even more of our off hours free time (salaried).

I really do not want my job, but If I loose it I will not be able to continue seeing my doctors or be able to afford my medications. The stress is killing me, and has caused me not to sleep fully for over a month. I really just want this to end.

I am afraid of what is comming, and I just do not want to face anything else. The anxiety and depression are killing me, and I just do not want to face what is comming.

I feel like I am alone, and that nothing matters anymore. I am unhappy with tears everyday most of the day. I know that this phase will end, but how much am I supposed to take. I just want to escape!

From a practical standpoint, if you have health insurance through you're employer, you can keep it through COBRA for up to 18 months.

It sounds like your family is pretty supportive..I know what it's like to feel alone and unhappy; can you reach out to your family for some emotional support?

I don't know what the job situation is where you're at, but maybe you can stick with the one you have, but at the same time be looking for something else? Or maybe take some classes, learn a new skill?

Big hugs, and I hope you can work through this..soothing vibes coming your way...don't forget that you are loved.

[disguise123]

you poor love. What a horrible time for you. Keep yourself safe, get help if you need to.
work can be so hard when your down, its not fair. But be careful not to be impulsive. I hope this improves for you!
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