Just Don't know, Or Do I?, DO YOU! :confused:

A see-saw is exactly what I would describe my life right now. I am nearly 18 years old and have been coping with something which is like have a misery twin on my back. I am going to try and explain in words exactly how I experience this so I hope others can understand Or even relate.
First of all I can have the best day of my life and completely forget everything that makes me worry and then the next day or even Moments later I am so emotionally down its unbelievable and so frustrating. I just don't understand it. I can have days were I don't care about anyone who is causing me problems or anything and just push on with other day to day things and the next day I am so down and vulnerable I stay in bed and try to stay in my room excluding anything that might emotionally or mentally stress me even more. Sometimes these can be the littlest issues that drive me into a depressive mode, a mode that can last for a week or even longer sometimes. Sometimes I can tell that I am about to loose it again and shut myself away from family and friends so that they don't notice even though my mother just knows I am not in the right state of mind. When I am in this state I can be angry with people, shouting, grumpy and most of the time drained of energy. I have friends and I do socialise now and again sometimes drinking to hide and forget what I always haft to deal with but I know in my mind I am not happy and sometimes I have tried to speak to friends about random things that stress me out and they just think its normal, I know its not. Its not normal to feel so scared and vulnerable that you don't want to leave the house, feeling like the whole world is against me and a lot of the time Paranoid to even be seen by family let alone people outside. If you were to see me you would have know idea I suffer from this. This, that's what I call it, cause I have no clue what it could be and what has brought it on from around the age of 15 I think. Anyway it has stunted me a lot, Sometimes I feel worthless, stupid and thick like there is nothing for me to live for with No motivation at all, Then sometimes hours later or the next day I feel like no one is better than me with a huge burst of motivation and emotion, For example I will force myself to go out even if its just walking the dog round the park and I will feel so good when I get back knowing that its done and I can say I've done something productive. It can make you feel so high sometimes and then make you feel so Low which for me usually leads to Isolation, emotion, frustration, anger,stress, anxiety sometimes, and when I am about to leave to go out I have even had really bad panics feeling like everyone is waiting for me outside and like I am not good enough, This usually completely makes me loose confidence And I decide to stay in instead, it rarely happens if I am with a friend or someone to talk to but happens nearly all the time when I am on my own and now I have just gotten use to going out when it gets darker feeling less anxious. I can't stand crowed places when I am in this state of mind, I am shaky and try not to make contact with everyone's eyes usually staring at the floor, Loud noises also make me jump I can't stand them And sometimes I even resort to ear plugs which I have got hold of though I am waiting for my new phone witch should help by keeping music in my ears, Music can help me a lot and was my passion but "this" has began to make me think its just a dream and pushed me back to reality. I panic when I know I have something to do but I can't get to doing it cause my brain feels like its actually going to Explode sometimes, so then I freeze and begin to slow down and forget about everything I just stop caring and I have stopped doing a lot of things in life because of this. I could go on with this forever but I have now lost my motivation to write this truly. I can say right now I am feeling at medium, drifting in and out of high and low fazes, Just going to haft to see what the future holds for me I guess. I have tried to ignore this so many times sometimes even feeling like I have succeeded but BANG it strikes again and sometimes I feel it coming on. You Wouldn't believe I have not had a Bi-Polar test yet but looking deeply into this I wouldn't be surprised if "This" was bi-polar x

You might want to talk to a counselor or a pdoc to see what they think. Stress can cause a lot of mood problems as well.
Also, could you be kind enough to use paragraph breaks in long posts? Makes it easier to read.
Hugs.

Yeah, I would definitely talk to a counselor or pdoc! Sorry you're struggling with all that! And welcome to PC!

Does sound kind of like bipolar, and it also sounds kind of like puberty - which is also kind of like bipolar - but whether it is one, the other, or both, it does sound like speaking with a professional would be in order.

Stopping drinking would be a good idea. It may make things feel better while you are drinking, but after the initial good feelings wear off, it can make your symptoms worse.

Good luck, and welcome to the forums

Welcome. I agree with the others to ask your GP for a referral to speak to a Psychiatrist. You definitely shouldn't suffer in silence and a great first step may be discussing your concerns with your parents. While you're waiting to meet with a Psychiatrist a therapist can also be of benefit. You may want to track your mood to see if you notice certain triggers. I use this online one http://www.medhelp.org/land/mood-tracker

Hi and welcome to PC!

We are unfortunately not health professionals, and cannot make a diagnosis. At the same time, everyone diagnosed with BP will still have slighty different symptoms - making PB quite complicated to pin down.
The teen years are naturally quite difficult, but it doesn't mean you can rule out any mental health concerns.

I would go and see a therapist to talk to first, and then consider a pdoc

Yes that might be good for me I think, but I am so scared of being classed as mad, I have a friend who has been put in a home cause they think he needs special care. But I am not like that I have common sense but I think about stuff way to much, I always do expect bad things and think people are always Staring at me.
My heads always ticking over.
I will definitely consider a counsellor
Sorry about no paragraphs

Yes I am going to consider a counsellor might help me clear my mind, thanks

Hmm Yes my mum always tells me Its puberty but I just think It's more, if Puberty feels like this then Wow! wouldn't wish puberty on anyone Lol. I have tried to revise my life back to see if I experienced anything that could of caused this issue and have actually key pointed a few things.
I am keen to find a good counsellor with the help of my mum But I am not going to lie I find it so hard to believe anyone can help and that's how I have always been.

I would like to say a few things. One good job on expressing your feelings, alot of people have a hard time really getting their thoughts and feelings out...sometimes feelings are really overwhelming and it's easy to say well i just don't feel good...but you have broken it down and described very well what you are feeling so good for you! Second i have this feeling that if you were to see a councilor you might not know what to say or where to start so i would encourage you to print out this post and take it with you, or write something similar, so they day of when they ask you how you are you can say something other... "I'm ok" or "i feel bad"...which is almost always what is said. Another step you have already started is "do it anyway"...like you said you don't want to and then you just do it and it makes you feel better. Thats the first step in discovering how your own thoughts affect your mood..your on the right track and with a little help, i think you can definitely work through this. there is no reason to suffer, and you definitely deserve to have some stability in your moods and have a somewhat normal life. Please let us know what you plan to do!
oh and welcome to PC!

I never believed in therapy - now I cannot stop singing its praises.
When you get diagnosed with anything in the psychiatric field, you are far from 'mad'. It's totally OK.