Why?

Why don't people stop when you tell them you have reached your max?

I stopped by a friends after visiting the local social assistance office enquiring about applying for disability. It was stressful enough getting through that brief encounter. I left in tears because of the anxiety caused by maintaining focus on what was said to me for those 10 minutes I was there.

Before going to my friends I stopped in the park to catch my breath and calm the anxiety. It was just meant to be a quick stop to pick something up because I was anxious to get home and rest. Not sure how it came up that I was applying for disability but she started telling me about another program I might qualify for and it frustrated me that they hadn't mentioned it to me at the office. I told her I couldn't deal with any more information right now. I needed to leave it for now and look at it again when I was calmer.

I asked her calmly to change the subject. She didn't. She just had to say one more thing. I could feel the anxiety rising quickly and asked her again to say nothing more about it. She just had to say one more thing and it was enough to put me over the edge. I broke down in tears and begged her to stop or I would have to leave. She told me not to get upset. She was trying to help me. I said the only thing that would help me now was if she stopped talking about it. She insisted I needed to just calm down and stop getting so worked up about nothing. I told her what I needed was to honour my limits and she wasn't helping me to do that. I told her if she didn't drop the subject I would have to leave. I begged her to stop.

When she still wouldn't drop it, insisting I needed to push through the anxiety rather then run away from it, I got up, grabbed my jacket and left sobbing uncontrolably but this time without saying another word. I would have lost it completely if I tried to utter one more word. As I closed the door she was still trying to tell me what I needed to do with my application. I drove a block away, pulled over to regroup before I drove home.

I feel some embarrassment for falling apart, and I feel ungrateful because I know she was just trying to help but mostly I am angry that she and so many others just don't get it. They expect too much from me and they don't appreciate how little it takes for me to feel overloaded and overwhelmed. I can only process so much information at a time and the window is limited to maybe 15 minutes. I had already done my 15 minute limit on the subject and had no capacity for any more. I try to manage things that require my full attention accordingly. I try never to make more then one commitment a day. I usually will give it at least a day if not a week between appointments to ensure I have enough time to recover.

I am home and thanks to some relaxation exercises and a few minutes of meditation I am recovering. I need to rest up for tomorrow when I have to do 2 things in one day. Blood test (which cause major anxiety for me) and an appointment at mental health. Then a dr. appointment on Thursday. All related to my application. I am trying to take it day by day to avoid feeling overwhelmed before I even start. Today was not a good start.

Thanks for listening to me rant. I will try to let this go now.

((((( sanityseeker )))))

Take care.

sanityseeker. I think you should be proud of yourself for honoring your feelings and speaking up for yourself. I hope your day goes well tomorrow.

I know what you are going through .Grown ups acting like kids cant keep there mouth shut when you tell them nicely too shut up uggh that gets on my nerves smh.Huggs sorry you had too go through that

Thanks Kikki. I know I am not alone putting up with this kind of thing from people. I just wish we could be spared. Its not like we want to be so fragile emotionally. geeesh hey!

I am fine now that a few hours have separated me for the strain. I think I should probably call her and apologize for my meltdown but not tonight. When I feel stronger maybe.

yw

I think it's incredibly emotionally mature of you to know and honour you limitations. I wish I knew mine... I usually don;t realize until its too late

Good for you SS

Thank you Trippin. Believe me I am a slow learner and I am not always successful as you can see. I am getting better with practice and I get plenty of practice. You learn to honour your limits when ignoring them has cost you enough already. That's my motivation when I am pushed up against one of my liimits.

Sadly, like my friend today, other people and circumstance don't always support me to stop in time when I begin to feel overloaded and closing in on my limit to cope.

sanityseeker..reading about your friend took me right back to a very similar situation. Wanting to apologize is not only a mature thing to do, it's good for your well-being, too. And it's a good way to let it go. Even tho it felt very personal, what your friend did wasn't about you, it was about her. Not being able to stop when you ask her to is a problem she has to deal with, if she decides to. Not a great answer, I know, but I guess I'm saying that if it were me, I would say I'm sorry for the unfortunate timing of the meltdown, but not feel guilty about it. And it's possible your friend won't apologize for acting like a bulldozer, but that's okay, as long as you do what you feel is right.

(((sanityseeker))) - sorry this happened. Would it help for next time(hopefully there won't be one) to discuss what you need - is for her to back off no matter how much she thinks she's helpful. She sounds like the rescuer who wants to solve things no matter what. You/she can come up with a simple cue and that means you need space / quiet and that means she needs to stop trying to fix/help. I hope you rest and recover.