[lynenedubbels]

I am wondering if i should go in to be tested for bipolar, and from what i read i belive i do have it, and it seems to explain how i have been feeling completly lost. I was just hoping maybe i could recieve some input from ppl in this situation.

family: my mother was diagnosed with bipolar @ age 13. Seeing as she is on a 24 year alcoholic binge, & in and out of my life, (out for the moment) i have no contact to ask her about her symptoms.

Me: I am 24, with 2 kids, been with their dad for 6 years, not married

Depression symptoms: (how i currently feel)
* no drive to exercise like i used to, i am always either working out 100% or not at all (in general i have a everything or nothing outlook to what i do in life)
* i feel lost like i have no purpose to what i am doing in life, i feel guilty for not being further in life (not being in college, not have a new car, house).
* I have to make a list of normal tasks i am supposed to do during the day (seems to make me feel like i have to get them done, and the list helps me stay focused)
* i never feel like i get enough done during the day b/c i wake up from 8 hrs of sleep, still tired, sleep another 3 then start my day.
* i have no desire for close relationships with anyone (other than my children) and have no sexual desire
*i take 1000 + mg of caffeine to get motivates (stay motivated) throughout the day (caffeine pills and coffe/energy drinks)
*i'll feel like i have to do something drastic to change my long period of feeling blue, like all of a sudden cutting my hair (and in my mind i feel like that will suddenly make me feel the happiness i used to) fyi: it DOESNT, i just automatically regret the new crazy short hair.
* i will suddenly quit my current job b/c "this must be why i am depressed" but it only makes me feel worse that i dnt have any $$ to spend

Mania symptoms (which i abbbsssoolutly love )
*i feel like i can do anything i put my mind to, that the possibilites to life r endless
*feeling that ppl who need normal amounts of sleep are just lazy ppl
* i feel better than everyone, and love the confidence i have, like everyone wants to be me
* i have enormous amounts of energy (still take all my caffeine) and am actually productive with it, clean whole house, exercise for an hour, start sweeping the sidewalk b/c everything should be clean
* i live with my kids father, but start what i call, mini-outside relationships with other guys b/c i feel addicted to the attention, having an ongoing relationship with 5 guys through work/txt and truly have feelings for all of them
* on my last mania period i was completly convinced i was a sex addicted and needed help
*i make spur of the moment decisions, like big ones, like moving to another state, quiting my job but not thinking of where my $ will come from, suddenly trying to join the military but change my mind just as sudden, wanting another baby then suddenly thinking i was crazy to think that, and when i decide on something i am completly convinced that decision will make me the happiest person in the world and have the strongest feelings for it, until all of a sudden having extreem feelings not to do it.
.....there are so many more things i could add but i hope this helps determine if i should go see if i need help. i am currently in the depression stage with bouts of happiness here and there, but i am dying to get back into my mania b/c i absolutly love the feeling, i am scared i'll never have that extreem happiness again if i take meds

thank u for any suggestions & help

We can't diagnose, obviously, but is sounds worth checking out with a Pdoc (psychiatrist).
Welcome to the forums, lynenedubbels!

[lynenedubbels]

lol yeah no diagnoses needed just looking for insight from ppl with same expierences.

[lynenedubbels]

thank u for the welcome and yeah just thought i could use advise from ppl with similar expierences

[SunReach]

Welcome!!
And I agree with the above....Only a pdoc can make a diagnosis and I would advise not to put off making an appointment.

Now, about your fear that if you are bipolar and you are put on meds you won't feel that hyper happiness again...
Bear in mind that even the highs you described above can be quite destructive or might evolve into very uncomfortable and scary hyperness. Potentially followed by an equally scary depression...I don't mean to scare you, just don't take the highs lightly just because they feel good compared to the depression spells - if you do have bipolar, the sooner you get treatment for it, the better. But don't dwell on it until you see a doc

I hope it all goes well!

[lynenedubbels]

Thank u, yes not looking for any diagnosis, and i agree i do love the highs (but they can be destructive to me and my family) and i tend to go through the loss of feeling love for anyone but my children during these spells.