Hi everyone,

Just a couple things I want to write...I can't tell anybody I know about this because I fear a bad reaction.

Firstly, I've been getting frequent pestering intrusive thoughts that I should stop taking my seroquel because I'm not really that sick anyway, and I could get through life on my own. I know I need the tegretol for my epilepsy, but the seroquel? Do I really need it?

Second, I keep getting worried when I use the bathroom, thoughts are being put into my head that there is a camera spying in there, planted by my landlord. It makes me nervous to use the washroom.

What should I do? In my mind, I rationally know that I must be on seroquel for a reason...but a big part of me wants to get through this on my own. Any replies would be greatly appreciated, thank you!

[missbelle]

would not hurt to make an appt. with your therapist or Dr. Something is wrong and I bet they can help!!!!

[mgran]

Hi Melissa,
I'm sorry that you're having these thoughts and anxieties... and nobody's going give you a bad reaction here. I'm sure you can say anything you like.

I'm on seroquel as well, for schizoaffective disorder, and it's made a huge difference to me. I know those thoughts, that someone's spying on you, and how horrible and intrusive they are. When my husband was ill I went up into the attic of our house, looking for bugs, and was convinced I found one, peering down on our marital bed. The fact that this wasn't true in no way made me feel any better. I knew it was true, and was always putting duct tape over where I thought the camera was, and going up into the attic with a screw driver to get rid of the "bug." (It was usually a knot in the wood of the rafters, or a crack in the ceiling.) The fact is, you suffer as much anxiety, believing it to be true as though it was really happening.

I think the fact that you're thinking this kind of thing shows that you do need to be on the seroquel, or something like it. It took a while for me to reach an effective dose, and while I was waiting for that to happen I did find myself still wondering if there was a troll, or perhaps a giant spider under a nearby bridge, or if the telephone was bugged, or if I was being followed by enemies.

I'd talk to the doctor if I were you. I really know how hard it is to be honest with a doctor when a big part of you is paranoid. But you're right... you were prescribed an anti psychotic for a reason.

And I really hope that you're feeling better soon. (((hug)))

[sundog]

((((((((((((Melissa)))))))))))))))) Just want to send you some hugs I agree with the others that making an appointment to discuss this with your doc is a good idea

Thanks everyone for your advice and replies.

I have made an appointment with my pdoc, for late April And that's the soonest I can get it. I'm afraid about...well, how long can I handle this? Can I handle it until my next appointment? And until then, what support can I get? All I have is a pdoc, no family doc, and no therapist.

Today I kind of told my dad that I was going through a tough time, but didn't feel like I could tell him yet what exactly was bothering me. So I'm sort of making progress, I think. =/

Just wanted to give you some hugs, melissa... Glad you made an appt. with your Pdoc.... I'm sure you've already thought of this, but you are also on a cancellation list in case anything opens up, yes?

And progress is good! Even a little!

Innerzone, I am not sure if I'm on a cancellation list, I doubt it. I didn't ask to be on one when I made the appointment because at the time I felt OK.

I'm sure you're thinking "Well, can you call then and ask to be put on the cancellation list?" but the answer would probably be no. Phones scare me, and I don't want my pdoc to know I'm going through a tough time. At our last appointment, he was actually happy with me that I've been out of hospital and going to school, something that's hard for me to do.

[mgran]

The point of seeing your pdoc isn't to say things that you think will make him feel happier with your progress... you have to be honest with him.

If you feel your Dad is sympathetic, and it sounds as though he is, you could ask him to phone for you to be put on the cancellation list. Or, does the pdoc's practice have an email address? I bet you it does... try and write to him if all else fails. There's nothing wrong with asking for help.

Don't worry, we don't mean to nag or bully you along, we're just concerned. And don't ever think you have to say stuff to make us feel better... you can always tell us the truth, we do care.

Sorry when I saw you in chat yesterday we didn't get much of a chance to talk... if you're in there tonight, come along and we'll have a chat, if it helps. We could make a "melissa recovering" room if you need it, rather than general nattering.

Just hang on in there, I'm sorry you're feeling low.