[Joy1010]

Yet another thread from me! For those of you who have seen my earlier threads (My daughter) (Questions on how to respond with BPer or SAer) , I need some further feedback: (miss laura and mgran are familiar with my threads...

As a reminder, my 22 yr old daughter was just released from hospital after 2 weeks being there. She is in denial about having an illness. (thinks she has anxiety only now) But if you see earlier threads noted above I believe there is an iillness like BP or ??

We had agreed to go to a movie and maybe hit the book store, go for a bite to eat etc. I could tell when I was speaking to her on the phone she seemed a little 'off' but whatever... I picked her up and we started driving.

The roads here are a little messy with melting snow etc and my windshield kept getting dirty so I was flipping on my wipers and cleaning the windshield as needed. (fairly frequently) Out of the blue she feaked out on me. She says very irritably: "will you fu*** stop doing that??!"

Taking Miss Laura's advice from before I acknowldged how she felt, and said sorry if that seems to bother her, but I need to clean my window so I can see to drive. She went on to say that the window is clean enough and I don't need to keep cleaning it as often as I am.

I dropped the subject and we started to talk about something else but it was evident she was agitated. She then has another outburst that I am driving too fast and will I "f*** slow down? I tell her I am driving along with traffic and there is no need to swear at me.

She starts on about how she just got out of hospital and she is still feeling anxious and I do nothing to help her. She tries to express how she feels to me and for once she is standing up for herself and 'setting boundaries' whatever that means??

I tell her I would love to hear what she has to say and would want her to express herself to me, but I do not appreciate her swearing at me and she doesn't have to be disrespectful to me. That REALLY sets her off... "disrespect you say?? dont get me started on that " she says.. and proceeds to swear repeatedly....

So I turned the car around and we headed back and I dropped her off, but not before she told me that the nurses in the hospital treated her better than I do and 'nice chat' she says very sarcastically...

Just when I think I'm going to get a better handl on this and learn how to deal with it... I fall apart and feel I'm no further ahead . Was there anything I should've done differently? It seems it's only me she gets like this with, but I could be wrong.

Actually, I think you handled it very well. Logical consequences for her mistreating you. She's going to rebel against you setting that boundary. Expect that.

[Miss Laura]

Hey Joy,

Way to go on setting the boundary of taking her back home. So proud of you lol

I hate to say it but I act like your Daughter at times... yes I am a real ***** in real life

You handle the situation brilliantly... Your Daughter disrespected you and was not willing or prepared to speak to you in a decent manner. I hope you are not hard on yourself at all. You did the right thing

[Joy1010]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey Joy,

Way to go on setting the boundary of taking her back home. So proud of you lol

I hate to say it but I act like your Daughter at times... yes I am a real ***** in real life

You handle the situation brilliantly... Your Daughter disrespected you and was not willing or prepared to speak to you in a decent manner. I hope you are not hard on yourself at all. You did the right thing

Thank you for the feedback. This is so draining.... and it makes me sad because then I will hardly see her as she seems to be like this a lot lately.
I did tell her I loved her as she got out of the car...

Thank you once again for replying so quickly! Thank you everyone ... these occurrences seem so trivial (this last example anyway) but it just tears me up inside. Thank you for helping me cope! I seem to live online at this site now! When things get better hopefully I can help someone else and return the favour and kindness

[Miss Laura]

Hey Joy,

Your welcome.... this is my guilty addiction PC

Your Daughter needs to learn and understand you will not tolerate her attitude. Deep down your Daughter loves you, she is just having a hard time understanding herself and her mood let alone understanding her Mum.

I would keep your normal contact with her and if this continues seriously have a word about your Daughter's attitude. Think someone on one of your other posts said to maybe ask her Doctor's about ways in which you can approach her.

Its not easy being a parent of someone ill and it isn't easy being the person who is ill and in major denial

You will get there though.... remember that

[BlackPup]

I agree with the others.... you did the right thing....
Unfortunately we treat those closest to us the worst....

I agree with BlackPup - we take things out on the ones we love -
you did the right thing for sure.
You are dealing with a lot right now - my mom always said it's harder to say no than to say yes to her kids - i'm sure it was really hard to do that, but you did what was best for both of you.