[Tsunamisurfer]

Been manic for 2 weeks now and it is NOT somewhere I want to be. The last few days the irritability and aggression have become incredibly distressing. Feelings of flying speed and intensely focused drive with confused thoughts have given way to an indescribably negative and destructive anger that wants to destroy everything I have stood for or have hoped in. I have insanely loud heavy metal and screaming blasting in my head continuously, and any tiny little thing that doesn't do what it should is a trigger to smash it to pieces. I'm not safe to be around people. I desperately need to get this under control, but I don't trust our hospitals and medical staff at all. They are a bunch of scheming lunatics who will sooner strap me to bed and poison me with sedatives and reduce me to an ICD10 code or DSMIV label and stuff me into a little pill bottle to shelve me in a system where the staff are so negligent and understaffed that they care diddly squat about the person they are "treating".

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

[Warrioress]

That hurts. I know what you mean about not trusting the medical staff too. I'm so sorry that I've got nothing useful to say at the present time. Just wanted you to know that someone cares

[BNLsMOM]

It sounds like part of you wants to go to the hospital to be safe, but you don't trust the staff to treat you well. In my manic/mixed states, I feel like my treatment team is trying to make me worse. It is because my mind is running so fast and there is no room for rational thought.

What if you took a risk and called someone from your treatement team or the Er just to see if they can help you? For the most part, people who get into the profession of helping people with MI are there because they care.

[Trippin2.0]

Hey Pete, I hope ur doing better. Can't add much b/c my ryt hand is out of acti0n,but know that ur in my prayers. Please try ur best 2 remain safe. (((( HUGS ))))

[Tsunamisurfer]

Thanks so much for being there for me, guys. Just your responses have meant a huge lot to me.
My niece, who is also bipolar and battles with SI, came around today to help me through it. We had a braai (barbecue) and I took a Seroquel 25mg tablet which knocked my flying. I was so drunk from that tablet that I slept the entire afternoon from 1 till 7pm. Feeling a lot calmer now. Not having noise in the house helps because noise winds me up really quickly when I'm manic.

Thanks again everyone for all your help. Hugely appreciated. Peter

[Warrioress]

Thank God you're better now