[BNLsMOM]

This is not depression sadness. This is grief. I forgot how much real emotion can hurt.

My husband and I just had a couple's session where we acknowledged the issues we have and have decided essentially to stay together as housemates and parenting partners, and no longer as romantic partners.

I thought it would be easier. The worst part right now is that I have no one to go to who can just hug me and tell me it's OK.

Eventually I think we will both be feeling more liberated as our partnership evolves, but right now I am just so sad. Heartbroken, actually, and I didn't expect to feel that way.

[mgran]

Oh, I'm sorry. (((hug))) You must be heart broken.

[BNLsMOM]

We have worked on it for two years and it has become more and more clear that the romantc, intimate side of our relationship cannot be saved right now. Our session was supposed to clear things up so that we don't have the pressure of trying to be intimate when we really just can't deal with it.

I thought this would be easier.

[BNLsMOM]

I don't know how to deal with this kind of pain.

[kitty004567]

I'm sorry you're sad. That must be really tough

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

[Larfu]

When my ex wife left me, I felt really disconnected from her. Alone with no one to comfort me. Asleep by myself at night. I knew we had drifted too far apart to come back. I'm sorry you are hurting, and I hope I can listen and understand.

[CesarioRose]

oh dear, BNLsMOM... i cannot imagine how painful that could have been. i'm so sorry you're going through these tough times. sounds like you just need someone to just be with you right now. i hope you take care of your self!

BNLsMOM.
You are so right in differentiating between emotional/feeling pain and depression. They are different indeed. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I lived for years this way with the ex. It wasn't a conscious thing, it just was. I feel for what you mean about the "simple" act of a hug. (And relationship-wise I didn't care... it would've been much harder otherwise... but sometimes we just really need a good hug and understanding for so many different reasons...) So... to you!

[lynn P.]

(((BNL'sMOM))) - I'm sorry you're sad and it's natural to feel a grieving pain at this realization. I know this feeling because I've been living in the same house with no intimacy for 4 long yrs now. It's extremely difficult to live in the same house like that and very hard to describe how it feels. I hope you and your husband can cope better than we are.

[laur88]

Big big big hugs to you BNLsMOM. I'm so sorry and can't imagine how you're feeling right now but I want you to know that I'm here for you and willing to listen if you want to talk. You are awesome and will get through this!! Be strong. We're all here for you!

[BNLsMOM]

Thank you, everyone. It comes in waves.

[venusss]

Just sending some positive thoughts.

[sanityseeker]

I am sorry for your sadness BNLsMom. In my experience it will take some time for it to sink in and redefine your relationship but it will come. I remember when my ex and I came to the decision to no longer be life partners. He worked out of town so his was only in the home 3 to 4 days a week. That had been our norm for a few years and the time apart was probably why we lasted as long as we did.

When we made the decision that our relationship was over I remember feeling a sense of relief but like you say the sadness sets in pretty quickly and you start to miss the support. It took time to adjust and for along time I would hold on the the hope that we would find our way back together. I knew deep down that I didn't want to go back but the desire to have what we lost nagged on me.

It will get easier in time. You go through a grieving process and then you start to heal and adjust to a new life. Making those adjustments while living under the same roof can be challenging but in time you find your groove.

My ex is still my best friend. It was strained when we first broke up but over time our friendship grew again. I think I realized and perhaps so did he that the friendship was what we missed the most.

He has since moved across the country but he calls regularly to talk to me about things going on at work and in his life. He has become my biggest emotional support. He is far more understanding and patient and supportive since he got some distance from the everyday crazies.

Give it some time and if you have a friend you can turn to for hugs and support that would be a big help for you too. My heart goes out to you because I do remember those early days of mixed emotions, sadness and lonliness. It does come in waves but the time between will expand over time. Maybe spend some time focusing on the positives for you. It may be hard to see them at first but there is a silver lining to being out from under the pressure of trying to fix something too broken to repair.

I hope you and your ex are able to redefine your relationship and strength a new bond of friendship. You share a lot of history and you have children together. I know that the co-habitating made it a lot easier on my son then if he had moved out completely. He hardly noticed the difference because it change nothing in his life. His dad was still here as much as ever. I knew it was the right thing for all of us when my son remark how much better we were getting along. We were still a family and we did family things together so from my son's perspective everything was as it had always been but better.

[BNLsMOM]

I have a knot right in the middle of my heart.

[sanityseeker]

(((((((BNLsMOM))))))) My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so sorry for your pain. May you find some peace very soon.

[lastyearisblank]

(((((BNLsMOM)))) So sad. Sending you hugs