[CesarioRose]

Well, I am getting worse, like was suggested, and I am getting more and more suicidal with each mixed episode. I guess I can always abuse alcohol. But I cant drink at work, can i?

in all seriousness, I am going back on drugs again. I seeing my D.O next week. I am not caving per say, more like, self preservation. I have my career to think about now, and the friends who were holding me hostage are moving away. I guess i'm weak like that. But.. i need help. More help then T can offer with therapy.

I still have my reservations about it all; i don't want to go back on klonopin or lithium. I'd be interested in lamitcal, and other low-side effect drugs to stabilize the moods. My anxiety goes away when i'm in a good mood anyway.

But I thought you guys might want to know.

[Confusedinomicon]

All I have to say is be assertive when you see your pdoc and make sure you lay down the law. If they know the boundaries of what you will/won't take, it will make it easier for them to look at med options.

Also good luck. It's a hard process to get back into the med arena and find a nice fitting array of meds. I wish you all the luck!

((Cesario))

[dandelioness2]

Good luck with the med shopping. Hope you find a combo that works for you.

[sugahorse1]

I also hope you can get on top of it soon. I know I could never have coped without meds

[CesarioRose]

Yea, it's rough. >_> All of these uncomfortable thoughts and emotions; everything gets blown out of proportion in my head and I feel it emotionally. Then I start to plan out suicides, and that's really not ok at all. I really need to stop scaring my therapist.

Originally Posted by CesarioRose

... I am not caving per say, more like, self preservation. I have my career to think about now, and the friends who were holding me hostage are moving away. I guess i'm weak like that. ...

Cesario! First of all, NOT WEAK!!! NOT CAVING!!! Self-preservation is right, and is neither of those things. At all. It's actually harder and shows more strength and critical thinking skills to realise when a belief is ill-serving you and be able to act on that knowledge.

Best of luck in finding the right med(s). By all means, if there's something you'd prefer to avoid or try, bring it up with your doc!

[vjdragonfly]

Congrats on knowing when you must make a change even if it is one you don't like. Personally I would not give up on my meds for nothing. I hope your pdoc will be willing to accommodate you and your choice of meds. Good luck to you.