[reader71]

About a week ago I started chatting with my ex online. He turned the conversation sexual, and I flipped out and told him I wouldn't talk to him anymore. It really upset me. Well, friday night I acted like an idiot and basically told him I wanted to sleep with him again. Then saturday i told him I made a mistake. Then Sunday we took a walk and talked. Then today we talked again and I told him that talking to him made me upset, but that i would still be willing to sleep with him again. He said he wasn't interested and to stop being so dramatic, and he's right. God, I'm stupid. and crazy. I was doing so well when I wasn't talking to him at all. All I can do is be strong and do it again. Ugh. I'm done beating myself up. I hate being bipolar and manic and depressed and hypersexual and confused and self-defeating and self-sabotaging. There is something seriously wrong with me.

[sugahorse1]

I'm sorry Reader. When I broke up with an ex, I had to cut ties. Totally. It was too painful.
Make-up sex sounds like a wonderful idea, but only for a short while. Then the sexual connection becomes a longing, almost a craving, which you know cannot be sustained. Else you wouldn't be ex's. Don't hurt your soul. Don't chase something you can't have; something that's not good for you.
If you are hypersexual, consider having meds tweaked.
Hang in there, you will conquer this

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by reader71

I'm done beating myself up. I hate being bipolar and manic and depressed and hypersexual and confused and self-defeating and self-sabotaging.

Wise points from Sugahorse.

Don't wreck yourself over it, but do whatever you can to keep from putting yourself in situations that BD is likely to make difficult for you. I can't preach - I'm battling with the same risky, driven impulsiveness even though I'm on meds for it.
I hope you are able to find meds that help with mania soon too.

[blueoctober]

Don't beat yourself up over it reader. I know I've been in the same situation. I would suggest blocking his number from your phone, so even if you're having a weak moment he can't trigger you.

[crzyladee]

You're not an idiot, Reader. You are bipolar. It sucks, I know Hope things settle for you.

[PT52]

Ditto what everyone else said! The fact that you can recognize that something is wrong is a good thing. And you know what you need to do for yourself. That's definitely not stupid. That's incredibly wise. Follow through and you will come out the other side with your head held high.

[reader71]

Thanks, all! I feel much better today. Not going to respond at all if he contacts me again. I've blocked every possible thing I can. Your kind words really helped me to see how caught up I get in beating myself up. Done with that! I need to keep busy and be productive, and surround myself with positive people who bring me happiness. Luckily I have other people in my life who do that.

Thanks again.....xoxoxo