[Blaudamonin]

I don't know what Im doing making this thread. What good does it do to complain to complete strangers? What good does it do to even complain at all?

.... but, this is what I do, I write. So, I will tell you all what hell Im going through at this very moment.

It is immense, this pain that I feel, the pain of even being awake, of even breathing. Logically I know what needs to be done to grasp the light again but, how am I supposed to do that when I can't even get out of bed?

This time around seems so much worse than past "downs". Even my body hurts this time. I literally feel my muscles shrinking.

How am I going to make it through the day tomorrow? All of my family will be over and I will need to fake being ok all day long. I tried practicing in the mirror today. I faked a smile and its just not believable! Even while grinning ear to ear I still wear a gigantic (frown ?).... No, not a frown, its a "nothing" face, either way, everyone will see that Im not happy. I don't want to have to lie to people when they ask how I am doing but, I also don't want to tell everyone how I feel.....

What hell is this that I am stuck in?..... I dont even know what else to say.... Sorry!

[Emotionally Dead]

You aren't complaining, you're voicing your concerns and that is not wrong at all.

I am sorry that you're going through so much, I can relate, on a more literal rate. I literally do find it hard to breathe, physically. Due to my anxiety I have got to where I feel like I need to take a deep breath every few seconds which makes it feel like I am not getting enough air and well just leads to a lot of different things. And believe me, it's hard to be happy and fake a smile when you feel like you really can't breathe normal.

Just continue to take it one day at a time, tomorrow is a brighter day. Wishing you all the best.

[Blaudamonin]

Thank you for responding. I do feel less pain this morning. Hopefully I will be able to maintain at least that.

[Direction]

I can feel your pain...does any of your family know about it? Are you able to talk to them?

Not sure what event you have, can you reduce the amount of time of the activity?

[greylove]

Dearest Blue...........I just came across this and read what you wrote. It is amazing the wall of pain that some of us are hiding in back of. There's one impression to be made in Games; and then there's the real one that can't be buried in "fun". As I think you're seeing here already, strangers quickly become friends. The speed, for some reason, seems much faster than in real life. I think anyone who comes here, is hurting in some way..........everyone reaches out in compassion and understanding. Please come back and post whenever you need to. We all hold each other's hands.
If you can, let us know how the family get-together goes........maybe the dread will be worse than the reality. Hugs and support........your new friend, grey