[dragonfly2]

It's the end of the school year and I have finally had a chance to look at my daughter's fourth grade writing journal. All year, the teacher has been asking thought-provoking questions and the children have written their answers in the journal.

One of the entries stopped me cold:

"If I could spend the day as another person I'd choose my mom because she gets to stay home and do nothing while laying down all day and she doesn't even have an ear infection."

The date on this entry is from last September, about a month after I had to stop working due to a severe depressive episode. I know we told our kids that I wasn't feeling well, but we try not to make a big deal about it so as not to worry them. Now, she was only nine when she wrote this, and I know kids are quite resilient....but now it makes me wonder what their perspective of things really is.

Guess I just needed to share that.

[ladyjrnlist]

I think it's innocent enough. She probably thought at the time that it would be fun to do that instead of going to school or whatever and wasn't thinking much more than that about it. Kids. Heh.

Aww, I wouldn't worry too much about that entry. Kids do say the darndest things. A short while ago my 12 year old son came home from school and said he sure wished he got to do what I do all day. I asked him what he meant. He said watch tv all day, I asked him if he really thought that's what I do, and he did.

Haha ok I don't watch tv hardly ever. I have three kids so although I don't work, I work. My house is spotless, I hardly ever sit let alone stand still, and we don't have a car so running errands by foot is time consuming. But his perspective was funny.

I've thought about how I thought of my parents as a kid. I thought they were these magical creatures that knew everything, and had it all together. I knew all about their stress and never thought I'd be able to be an adult like that. I was pretty wrong, now I realize that they were a lot more like I am now. Don't have all the answers, don't know everything, still get scared and still make mistakes.

[ScooterBug]

She is most likely thinking how she hates waking up early and going to school. I always try to think back on when I was a kid and what were my stresses.

1. Waking up super early
2. Keeping up with school work
3. Other kids and fitting in

etc ...

She most likely had a tough morning or even week and was thinking back on the last time she got to stay home sick and how you were home.

I know it's easier said than done, but just try to see it from her eyes. She doesn't know what depression is or having a mental illness. So to her, if you're not running a fever you're probably ok enough to enjoy your day off at home.

[dragonfly2]

Oh, I know...I'm trying not to make too much of it really. I'm feeling a little more distance from it tonight, but it did make me catch my breath. I remember when I was young, maybe 7 years old?...and a great aunt of mine had died. When my parents were getting ready to go to the funeral, I remember saying, "how come you guys get all the fun?" Not really understanding, of course, that someone had died. All I really knew was that my parents were getting dressed up and going out while I had to stay home.

Dragonfly,

That's good your feeling a better about it tonight.

I really have to thank you for making me laugh. I've been so down today, and that story about your great aunt just totally made me laugh, and I don't laugh out loud much.

Thanks for inadvertently brightening my day!

[dragonfly2]

Scooterbug wrote:
She doesn't know what depression is or having a mental illness.

Actually, I wish I could say that about her. She has had clear-cut depressive episodes for the last two winters and has periods of mood instability throughout the year. We're having her evaluated for early-onset bipolar this summer. I do hope she is spared this.

Oh, incidentally...she had had an ear infection just before writing that entry, so she probably felt a little put out that I made her go to school once her ear stopped hurting and the antibiotics kicked in. I'm pretty sure she did have a sick day or two before then though.