Feeling so low

Today sucks so badly. I'm trying to reach out to my husband to heal the rift and make things right. But he is just pushing me away. He's angry at me for everything. He hardly knows anything about Bipolar, other than I get "mood swings" and he isn't interested in knowing anything more. I hate the house I'm renting beause it's so cold and dark so I've been staying with my mum. My poor little kids have no routine and are so out of sorts - especially the youngest. She is so clingy and crying all the time. It's breaking my heart. I just want this nightmare to be over.
I have to go back to work tomorrow after having nearly two weeks off (they made me take it because I wasn't coping at work) but I dont' feel ready at all. I'm a mess. My husband is shirking his parenting responsibilities saying that he is too depressed to deal with anything right now. Well too bloody bad! I've just being diagnosed with bloody Bipolar and I'm still looking after the kids. He is on antidepressants but they make it hard for him to sleep at night. He is tired and feeling bad and he says its my fault that he is in this state.
How can I fix this if he is not willing to meet me half way? I hate this so much, I just want things back to the way they were before !! I just want this to be over.
I'm sitting here crying my eyes out and my kids have seen it so often they don't even notice anymore. If it wasn't for the kids I'd kill myself.

I know ths situation is very hard and complicated. There's probably not a lot you can do about your husband if he has shut down the lines of communication. You says he's depressed and understandably so. I don't unerstand the not seeing the kids part. He may need more time before he is willing to talk. Neither of you are in a good place right now. It's really hard to wait for people to be ready when we feel like we are ready to fix it now. Patience is a difficult thing.

You just have to take care if your self and your kids right now. Get focused and your self and healing. Are you seeing a therapist or councilor? You must have a lot of emotions going through your head all at once. It would be good if you had some help to sort it all out, and deal with the individual feelings.

I'm a single mom of three so I know how hard it is dealing with bipolar and kids and no spousal support ( never mind the added problems ). The kids need at least one parent, and I'm sure you are trying your best to hang in there.
Just keep hanging in there, you can get through this. Keep posting here if it helps. I'm here a lot and will always listen.
((((((2sweeties))))))

GREAT BIG HUG

I am so sorry you are going through this. I really hope it gets better in some way soon.