[Miss Laura]

I have just started reading a book called "The Ultimate Guide To Bipolar Disorder" can't remember who by.

I have never thought of this nor read into this bit of my Bipolar. When I am either Manic or Depressed I think I can for example cross roads and not get hit by on coming traffic..... Kinda like a walk on water effect/ I feel like Jesus. When I am Manic I know I can do this and will be fine. When I am Depressed I want to get knocked down etc

Reading the book.... it states Psychosis..... is this what I am experiencing??? I am confused.

I will ask Psych on Friday when I see him but what do you guys think?

[ladyjrnlist]

When I was so depressed that I had to be hospitalized for sui/homicidal ideation, my pdoc said I had depression w/psychosis.
So, it sound possible.

[BlackPup]

it depends if you think it or actually believe that it is true to the manic - a delusion is a fixed, false idea.
sounds like normal (is there such a thing?) suicidal ideation for the depression

[Miss Laura]

Hey Ladyjrnlist and BlackPup,

I believe it when I am Manic. I believe I am a Super Hero and can cross oncoming traffic without being hurt/injured in any way. Then when I am Depressed well I want to be knocked down etc. I guess my Depressive side is dead on but unsure about my Mania

[mgran]

Sounds like a kind of mania, a sense of invulnerability. I've literally walked into traffic before, and actually been hit a couple of times (fortunately I wasn't seriously injured... this however reinforced the delusion of invulnerability.) Interesting about how a manic and depressive symptom look like different ends of the same thought. "I'm invulnerable to traffic... I wish the traffic would kill me." (I know both ends of that.) I've seen the same thing in myself... when manic I thought I could make myself invisible. When depressed I've been frightened that I'm becoming invisible. When manic I thought I could control the weather. When depressed I've thought the weather is following my deterioration... not that I'm controlling it, or it's controlling me, but that the weather mimics my symptoms and moods.

So, just based on my own experience, I'd suggest there's an element of psychosis in what you're thinking. If so, insight is a really good step. You might think you think something, but if you understand the process you can step outside of it, allowing yourself a breather.

[Miss Laura]

Hey Mgran,

Ye.... I am now thinking Psychosis has maybe been with me forever?? I too have been close to being hit by on coming traffic... when that happened I was raging at the drivers but I think I was more angry that I never got hit/was seen by the drivers.

I think I will tell and talk to my Psych when I see him on Friday. I just don't know what he will think of it. Kinda worried he thinks I am a bit more loopy than normal lol.

[mokie]

very interesting miss laura. lets us know what your psych says. sorry i can't type right right now.

[Miss Laura]

Hey Mokie,

My Psych and CPN both said it was Psychosis. They have said I need to be careful and if I sense this again I need to contact them ASAP.

[madisgram]

Miss laura, my sis who is bipolar 'sees' things as you do. thank goodness i don't experience those things as intensely. however i have what i call my manic colored clothes- bright pinks, turquoise etc and when i buy them they seem perfectly fine/beautiful. my closet at one time had two long sides. i put all the manic colors on one side and the subdued colors on the other. it was a scream.
as for decision making-when manic i make decisions that seem perfectly obvious. i do this with complete abandom. the decision seems an excellent one. sadly it's the other way around. i am impulsive when i am manic re these decisions. i have to try to be cautious and wait a bit cause i am aware when i am this way. being aware of my ups and downs (more frequent) has helped but took time to recognize the warnings of a spiral coming on.

[Miss Laura]

Hey Madisgram,

Impulsive is my middle name. I really have to bite my lip when I am like this as I really would get myself into major trouble. My clothes are horrendous as like you I buy bright colours which are cool at the time lol but when I put them on I look ghastly. Its a hoot when clothes shopping lol

[Miss Laura]

I also get really paranoid when I am like this and will think things that just are not true. That's fun when I later realise things are not as they seemed

I also get paranoid abou people and that people are out against me and are in my way to make me make mistakes. This is also not true but when I am like this I just don't see that. I have lost friends because of this which is really my own fault I guess

[madisgram]

when you feel unsure about your friends, etc. try making a two columned list. one titled "what i know", the other, "what i fear".
first column: what i know jane is always there for me.

what i fear i can't trust jane.
she's not a good friend.

if you try this exercise i believe you can sift out the irrational, paranoidal thoughts, miss laura. in the above example the two columns contradict each other. one rational, one untrue. both cannot be true at the same time so you can rule out the irrational thought. hope this helps you.

[Miss Laura]

Hey Madisgram,

Thanks will try that method out next time I am like that. I became paranoid that I had no-one when in fact I have 4 very good friends. I was more stressing out thinking my work colleague hated me. I haven't seen her since January. But I think I am wrong and she is just busy or something. Well who knows

[sugahorse1]

Psychosis during depression is something I've also been dx'd with. It is closely linked to sui ideation, as it is often driven by feeling so hopeless and helpless, that sui seems the only answer. This is really a delusion.
Well, that's how my pdoc tried to explain it. There's not much information on the net about it though