In bad shape.

Well I knew it was heading this way but was trying my hardest to control it. I do admit I at least now don't run away from home to the wrong things like before. I want help now. So I guess thats good and thinking that means I am better in a way. I think T may send me to hospital today. I wanted to go on my own but have tooo many responsibilties here at home so trying to pull through this on my own. Not sure if I should just hide what I am going through with T, which I am good at or should I tell her and just let her know that if I really get to the deep end I will call her.

Well I just wanted to let those that know me here know that I may not be around only cause of this. Being here really helps me and has taught me to accept that I have this illness. I thank all of you for your support and being able to share things that I know are hard for any of us to go through. It has helped though cause I am still home and not out being the bad person that I used to be. So thank you guys.

I'm glad you are ok with going to the hospital. It sounds like it'll be for the better. And we'll be right here for when you come back. You have to leave your responsibilities for someone else, And look after yourself first

We'll be right here when you get back. xoxoxoxoxo

((((mokie)))))

I'm so glad your ok with going to the hospital. When we are the main caregiver and have a family it can be really hard to realize that we need to go. Hard to foget those responsibilities and put our health first. I really struggle with that.

I'm glad you found so much help here, I'm right with you there, and thanks for the help you've given to me. I hope you will have an easy recovery. And we'll see you when you get back.

(((((mokie))))) I hope everything looks better to you soon! Let us know!

Hope you can get everything under control. You helped me alot recently and my prayers go with you.

From Mokie

She wanted me to post that she is doing everything she can to not go to the hospital, but may still end up going. She just wanted to let everyone know, because she can't focus to sit down, read, and write.

xoxoxox

Hold your head high and know that it will be OK. My thoughts are with you as I totally understand. I know it's hard, but put your trust in your doctors and lean on your family and friends. God bless.

Lots of sssssssssssssssssss mokie! I'm sorry you're having such a rough go of it right now. Our sense of responsibility can make it hard to remember that sometimes we just plain need help. But needing help is ok! Sometimes we can give, other times we need to receive. Just the way it works. Hope you are feeling better soon.

Mokie! Im so sorry your going through such a rough time, You have helped me alot and been so caring and giving me great advice! Please get better soon,, saying alot of special prayers for you and your in all of our thoughts, See you when you get back on

Hi guys family I should say. I have not read your posts but will as soon as I can. Just wanted to let you know I did not go to hospital. My T said I should but I have too many responsibilties to just leave behind. I am in the process of making what I call policies and procedures for husband to know what steps need to be done and take on the responsibilites here at home. That is why I have not popped in lately and the fact that I have been taking my xanax that my pcp gave me for anxiety but I just told him that I needed it for that when the buspirone works alone. I was just being proactive to have on hand so when this day of mixed or just plan mania came I would have it to make me sleep as much as I needed it. No I am not abusing it. My body does not require for me to take that much of it like before so I take very small amounts durning the night and don't take more then 1mg per day or night. It is helping me get back on schdule at least to wednesday to see new pdoc and get the much needed meds to get stable. Don't recommend anyone to do this on their own but since I used to take it for many years before I knew it would help me till this appointment. Wish me luck on my next few days till then. I also have to be supportive of my neice going to trail on endangerment to a child. Even though I don't speak to her or her mom and dad (my adopted brother) but I have to take care of my mom so I am going in place of her. If she were to go she could go back to the hospital, have another mini stroke or just get ill and I can't afford that on top of me getting worse or having to get hospitalized and not having things in place. I realize its making things worse for me but I promise after this I will let things be everyone elses responsibility to help me themselves cause its not worth me having to get unstable agian. THANKS again family MUCH love and hugs to everyone and I will read tomorrow everyones post here.