[Walker7686]

Hello Everyone,
I am new to this site and am new to this particular area of the forums as well. Please forgive me if I do or say anything "off" as I'm not certain the full ettiquite here yet.
I joined, at first, to get in touch with others that deal with cyclothaimia (SP?). A very minor spectrum of bi polar disorder. As well as ask a few questions about medications. However, today, my psych docs nurse made it seem urgent that I come in, when I called her about some issues I was having that I felt might be side affects. So, I rearranged with my boss (I was sceduled to work) and made it there on time to find out that I may, indeed, be dealing with side affects that only occur in .05% of patients on Depakote.
I am not happy about this. Not at all. The depakote works so well! I have felt more mentally stable, in the last 2 months, than I have in my entire life. I only required 1000mg a day to achieve this as well. A barely theraputic dose, according to what I have read. I really despise the thought of having to trasition over to a new med. I was on this merry go round years ago (long story for another thread) and really thought I had won a lottery (or something) when this med worked so well at such a low dose.
I suppose one could say that I'm frustrated, thus I am venting it here. This too shall pass, I know, and I will do what I must to achieve mental stability/clarity. I have too much to lose if I don't. I'm just so disappointed.
I'm certain many here have felt this way. I apologize for venting as I have. I suppose that I am simply looking for support now.
The efficacy of the medication should not be overshadowed by the side affects though. I am having muscle problems, as well as memory lapses. It takes me half an hour to even get out of my bed, due to muscle pain, and over an hour to be able to move without wanting to cry. I cannot recall the name of a tool that I use on a regular basis, or call people by the wrong names, lose track of a sentence in the middle of it, and it has all been getting worse as time goes by. Thus I called the office and spoke with the nurse.
I am studying to be a auto technician and work for an oil changing place that has specific call outs. Memory loss and muscle weakness are just not acceptable side affects, when they begin to affect that area of my life, and they have. It's hard to do a tire rotation when you can't even life the tire. Being a woman trying to break into a mans field, this just looks terrible on me and I am not quite ready to tell my new boss (only been there 6 weeks) about my mental problems or the meds I'm on. He knows I'm on meds, just not why, and he only knows that as of today when I had to get in to see the doc. I'm a firm believer that if you can't do the job, you shouldn't be there. Yet, I CAN do the job, my meds are just messing me up right now.
So, yeah...now that I've written a novella..... I'll thank you in advance for any words of support offered.

[dragonfly2]

Hi Darlene, and welcome to PC!

Sorry you're having difficulty with some side effects. It's very frustrating to have to deal with, especially if the med is working so well. But, as they say, the benefits have to outweigh the risks. Hopefully something else will prove to be just as effective and let you get back to your normal life.

Don't apologize for venting, that's part of what we're here for, to listen and understand. Many of us have been there and sometimes it's good to just know that people know how you feel.

Hope to get to know you....

~Dragonfly

[kaliope]

Welcome to PC. I am so sorry that you are experiencing side effects when the med is working so well. I had that problem with depakote, the forgetting, and i frustrated me so much all i could do was cry when i was on it. And i was only on it for a week at the lowest dose possible. I have side effects from most of the meds out there but none have ever seemed to work. Zyprexa was cool except after a week i lost my words and almost fell down a flight of stairs so i stopped taking it. I am now on haldol and it has worked fantastic. been on it over a year and have not cycled at all. i did get a touch of tartive dyskensia which is controlled with another med so that is going well. I dont know what i would do without it. so dont give up hope. there are lots of other meds out there you can try.

[sugahorse1]

Hi there and welcome!
I think you've highlighted a very important point, one which I kind of pushed out of my mind. Time for me reevaluate my situation. I also have memory issues, but I am a lot more stable.
I hope you find a solution to this, as I know the frustrations of being on a rollercoaster. Hang in there

[wing]

Welcome, Walker! I hate med changes, too, but there are lots of new stabilizers out there. Hang in, you just might find something else perfect for you on the first try!! Congrats on the new job! I wouldn't tell the boss a thing...none of his business!

[Trippin2.0]

Welcome! I'm sorry your med flaked on you,mine did too,i started a new med 3 weeks ago,so i understand your frustration... I kn0w you'll find the supp0rt you need here,we're a friendly bunch! Hope you stick around.

[ladyjrnlist]

You reminded me, I MUST get my lithium and depakote levels done!! I keep forgetting, believe it or not.

[beatlefreak123]

Sometimes it takes some trial and error before you find the right meds and doses. I know it did for me. Just remember to put your trust in your doctor and don't be afraid about speaking up when you're not feeling just right or the side afects are getting to you. There are many good meds out there and sometimes it takes a different combination or two to do the trick. Keep the faith and welcome aboard!