[Anneinside]

I am just out of the hospital after an 18 day stay for suicidal thoughts and to start ECT. (Just to let you know my status...) Now I am having strange dreams - suicide dreams. Night before last in my dream I went step by step in an attempt (I won't go into the details), "sat back" and waited and then woke up. Very strange, it has never happened to me before.

[ladyjrnlist]

might be the ECT, but you should make sure your pdoc knows ASAP!

[Forgive77]

I hate when dreams trigger me. The day already starts out ruined. Blah. I just have to keep telling myself it didn't really happen, and that it's not real.

[widgets]

I keep having dreams about dying, either my friends let me or set things up so i die. I find that i cant shake off the feeling for days, even if i dont remember the specifics of the dream.
Have you tried getting it interpreted?
I find that i dream about things that are in my control, but i worry that i will do them if i lose control.
Eg. Worry about getting caught shoplifting (i dont shoplift), so while i'm awake and concious and sane, i can just make the decision not to shoplift (which i do) but then i'll dream that i shoplift and that i kind of did it by accident and wake up feeling horrified.
I think its the same thing with you, its not something you WANT to do, but its something you think about doing a lot, and kind of need to know the feeling you would get, so sub consciously you do it, cause your brain is clever and knows you think about it, so makes it happen in a dreamworld, so you understand the feeling without going to that extreme.
Am i making sense lol.
Thats just my little theory, i'm not saying its what it actually is.

[Forgive77]

Originally Posted by widgets

I keep having dreams about dying, either my friends let me or set things up so i die. I find that i cant shake off the feeling for days, even if i dont remember the specifics of the dream.
Have you tried getting it interpreted?
I find that i dream about things that are in my control, but i worry that i will do them if i lose control.
Eg. Worry about getting caught shoplifting (i dont shoplift), so while i'm awake and concious and sane, i can just make the decision not to shoplift (which i do) but then i'll dream that i shoplift and that i kind of did it by accident and wake up feeling horrified.
I think its the same thing with you, its not something you WANT to do, but its something you think about doing a lot, and kind of need to know the feeling you would get, so sub consciously you do it, cause your brain is clever and knows you think about it, so makes it happen in a dreamworld, so you understand the feeling without going to that extreme.
Am i making sense lol.
Thats just my little theory, i'm not saying its what it actually is.

I think that's a good theory.

[Anneinside]

Thanks guys... a good theory. Over the past 3-4 weeks I have been suicidal but thought I was past it when the dream occurred. I was very strange, it was the plan I had chosen but had more detail then I had processed. When I finished all preparations, I just sat back and waited to die. Then I woke up and was surprised I wasn't dead. It was sooooo real.

I don't think that the dream is related to ECT, rather the absence of it. I was on 3x a week last week - MWF and I hadn't gone more than 2 days between sessions. Now I am starting maintenance ECT once a week so it was 3 days without instead of 2. More than one session a week has to be done inpatient and I just got out on Friday after an 18 day stay so I don't want to go back in. From my prior experience, the ECT holds longer and longer so decreasing maintenance is usually successful with minor hitches.

I am just wondering if others have had suicide dreams and what their responses were to them.... relief, horror, surprised to be alive (like me)... Are they
"rehearsals"? Are they truly suicidal thoughts just like you would have when awake and something to mention to my pdoc on Monday?