[Miss Laura]

Hey guys,

Me again lol

Just wondering if anyone has gotten really upset about the past? I am meaning in terms of how you were before diagnosis and medication impacted your life? Last night I was sitting talking to myself I talk out loud all the time part of my "weirdness" and I got really upset and angry at the fact I have withdrawn from society completely. This time 2 years ago I was constantly out enjoying myself, drinking, partying etc etc!! Now I am lucky if I go out my house after 5pm.

My head is saying it's a good thing I have my diagnosis and medication (when I acceptingly take them) and my heart and body dislike it and think I need my old life back again. Many people have told me I would not like my old life back again as well I was out of control and on the road to mass destruction. But it was me. It was who I was in my late teens and early twenties. Why should I be boring now. That's what has happened as now I am afraid to go out, afraid to socialise, afraid to get my life back.

My MH Team says I need to work on my social side, going out at night to clubs and pubs with my friends. I have no idea how I am going to manage that at all

Any thoughts?

I very much relate to this. I am one of those that cannot even handle a drink or two at all without cycling big time. It's really hard when social events come up as I already am shy and don't feel I fit in.

I don't have any real friends here where I live, and am on disability which cuts me off socially. But you sound like you still have some friends and that's a good start. Maybe you could try just very slowly and make each time a little longer, then closer together.

Good luck!!

[widgets]

Small steps, think about finding a happy medium between the two. I've been at both ends, and have now found a place in the middle.
I have a close group of friends and i tend not to go out without at least one of them, otherwise i feel very anxious.
I had to take it in small steps though.
for instance starting with cinema, small pubs, meals, quick things, then building it up.

October 2009 i went into the worse depression ever, was even hospitalized, then it was getting close to New years eve and i knew how heartbreaking it would be for if i was at home on my own on New years, so i forced myself to go out, and i did enjoy myself, even thought i spent the whole day worrying and feeling horrible, and i had to make sure i would have my friends with me for a least three days with me so i didnt feel an awful anti-climax, but after that i thought i was cured and tried going out all the time, at the end of every night, i'd find myself suicidal and crazy and spend the next week in my house, feeling awful. So it wasnt worth it in the end.
Its taken me about a year to get to the point where i can go to someones house with one of my friends and not know anyone else, and i still dont enjoy myself as much as i once would have.

There's no reason why you cant enjoy a healthy social life, but it takes, time, effort and you have to be really careful you're not doing too much. Dont let bipolar beat you, but also, dont try and beat bipolar, just adjust your life to cope with it.

I hope this helps.

Also Is there other social things you could do with friends that isn't always at the clubs?

Good luck!!

[Miss Laura]

I can make it to a pub, meal out if 1 of my 3 friends are there or are going. Then I tend to stay for 2 hours and that's it. I freak out and have to go home.

Last night I just got really upset as I was always out and about and now I am shutting myself in my room. I do like the loneliness sometimes I know that's weird. I need time to myself but it's kinda taking it's toll

[Miss Laura]

My area is very deprived and bar pubs, night clubs and ice skating that's all there is for adults to do. Parks are just filled with young teenagers who terrorise people and are at times rundown too

I can definitely relate to this. Before I got ill, I had lots of friends, was part of clubs in school, and had really good grades. From 16-19 though, I've had 9 hospitalizations. I lost most of my friends (simply because I couldn't keep in touch), dropped out of every extra-curricular, and did worse in school. I still have 2 credits to graduate, and I'm 19! I'll have to attend one of those adult schools.

So yes, sometimes I do dwell on the past and wonder what I might be like if I had never been mentally ill. But it has also helped me learn to get through tough things that I might have not been able to handle during the "carefree" part of my life. I feel stronger and more mature as a result. Plus, I am mentally stable now, in therapy and on the right meds...and I'm slowly starting to socialize again.

It sounds like you really miss socializing with others. Is it possible for you to contact some old friends, even just one, to do something small like go out for lunch? Just remember to take things slowly so you won't get overwhelmed. It might also be beneficial to try socializing in situations other than partying or drinking. Maybe joining a class at a gym, or volunteering? Just a couple of ideas.

[Miss Laura]

Thanks guys,

I was told by my CPN that I need to do things outwith Mental Health as I attend a Depression group every 2 weeks, Tai Chi every Thursday, MH group every Friday and hoping to get more MH days during the week to fill me in until I get a job which fingers crossed will be in September.

I go for occassional walks with a friend to the beach and the local village. I was not doing too good mid last week and when I was at the beach with my friend, I couldn't talk until right at the very end when we were going home and I ended up crying my eyes out and feeling suicidal and being at the beach was not fun.

I don't really do anything on my own unless I am sitting in the house. Even then I feel unsafe and feel the need for people when I can't get people which is typical.