I have my app with my t tomorrow and will contact my pdoc with her. I dunno why but I'm really nervous. I had a massive hysterical fit in public today, non the less. Just totally out of my mind with the depression. The last while I just feel like I'm almost not even me, you know.

I'll have a total meltdown, not be making any sense and then once someone calms me down after a good while, all the little pieces come back to me, it's like unscrambling a puzzle and then the plane lands and Reality hits an the pieces looks nothing like they did before the hysteria. It's a really scary feeling, realizing that you have just lost reality. I don't know if this even makes any sense. But I feel really nervous to talk to my t tomorrow and scared. I feel I've just lost it. How do I even explain this? Anyone know what I'm talking about??

[sugahorse1]

Yup- I know exactly what u mean. Looking back after a meltdown, you realise how trivial the issue really was.
If you are nervous to phone your pdoc, maybe first talk to your T. She may be able to help, and it may not be necessary to make a med adjustment at all.
Can you write your thoughts and feelings down in a mail? Can you send it to her beforehand? Otherwise print it out and take it with you. If you find you cannot bring yourself to talk about it, let her read it. You need to work through this, and she needs to know what you are battling with.
I'd say first make your T understand-they usually are the more empathetic ones, and let her help you deal with the issue. If she feels your pdoc needs to be involved, then you can make the decision together

[Phoenix_1]

I agree with sugahorse. If you can somehow write it all down and get it out, then it'll be easier with the tdoc tomorrow.

I find that if I go to the tdoc appt. and I'm nervous then I only get a part of what I want to say out and I forget the rest. Then when the appt. is over I kick myself, saying why didn't I tell her this and that.

I went to see a brand new medical doc 2 weeks ago and I was so nervous I forgot to tell her I had asthma until I was 1/2 way out the door. I didn't have a script, and although I did bring all my meds in a bag, my asthma meds were in my purse, not the bag.

I don't like to write things down (a lot of other people do). I like to use my word processor on my computer (I use Word). Then I can just type away and read it over and if I forget something just edit and stick it in without having to worry about messing up the page like you would with handwritten stuff. It's sooo much easier to edit on the computer. That's just me. Then when I'm done I save the file in case I think of something later that night or in the morning that's important. After the appt. I just erase the file.

Some people don't saving stuff on computers, would rather write on paper, so whatever suits you best.

Thanks guys..

Well apparently the only way to get any help in this city when your pdoc is on vacation is to be admiitted. So I said no thanks because there is no one to watch my children right now. So I will suffer and continue to spiral until aug 2. Awesome !!! Well for today depressed irritable agitated with racing thoughts and only one hallucination. Fabulous.

I was told the on call pdoc would see me at the hospital, then told she wouldn't see me. Then told that er doctors won't touch my meds then told to see my gp who is bad with these meds. Then tOld that because I'm so sensitive my gp probably can't help. Then told if I come in like this they will keep me. Ugggh I it were actually and option I'd go.