I seriously don't even know how to cope right now. I'm feeling incredibly impulsive & anxious & unable to really process anything correctly. Like I'm crawling out of my skin but I can't break free. I feel trapped by myself & cognitively oppressed by my confinement. God, it's just so ****ing annoying...
Over the past 3 weeks, this feeling just keeps coming back. It keeps surprising me. I try to get one simple task done & it's like my motivation goes into overdrive to a point where I no longer control where my mind goes. It's seriously becoming such a problem.
I know, like at the beginning of the episode, I'll never want to give up the feeling for anything. The feeling of being productive & like I can do anything in the world. But only when I fly up this far that I feel like I am simultaneously plunging do I realize how totally unproductive this is. It's just so infuriating...
Why can't I just be my normal self that could actually get **** done? ****. I just needed to type this all & get this out because I just need to ****ing express this inexplicable inner tension before it bursts in a self-destructive fashion. I can't get emergency treatment & it's 3 hours minimum before my boyfriend comes home & I seriously can't sleep. I've tried!!
Anyway, just... Ignore this. I just needed to post it, I suppose. I'm just so tired of feeling so much at one time & not being able to explain it or do anything with it! My frustration is through the roof right now & my energy level is untameable. & It doesn't help that, on top of it, my pain level is so ridiculously high. I can't take NSAIDs anymore because I've had such a high level of them in my system for years that they are starting to make me dizzy & give me chest pains. :/
BLAH.

[Sophia57]

Please watch out for the NSAIDS. They damage the stomach, and even the heart if you are on certain ones. I am allergic to them all, so can't take them. I was on prednisone for four months this winter and gained 30 pounds but at least did not go crazy. I was just talking to a woman with RA who was given a 60 sustained release pill of a type of cortisone and now she understands mental illness.

Hugs to you, and feel free to vent away. When you have one terrible disease impacting another, it is really hard on the mental state. I know that from experience. God bless.

Well, since you know my situation concerning medical treatment, I've basically been on an ibuprofen/naproxen diet for the past 5 years. 800mg & 500mg a day. Sigh, it just really annoys me that NOW I'm starting to have adverse reactions. I'd have preferred to have side effects initially than to think something would work to control my symptoms, only to have it taken away from me. FFS. I just can't wait to have insurance.

Thank you Sophia. My brain is just... A mess. I might feel sleep coming on soon though, but, we'll see. I took a couple Benadryl & that usually knocks me on my *** hahahahah. :P

Okay, forcing myself to sleep.

[SunAngel]

Originally Posted by Shayatanica

Okay, forcing myself to sleep.

Shay, I really hope you feel better and that you can or did get some sleep.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by Shayatanica

Okay, forcing myself to sleep.

Shay, I hope you're pulling through this pain.

[wing]

(((((((((Shay)))))))
Can you make an appt with your psychiatrist and make a med adjustment? It sounds to me like you recognize that you are manic, and a simple med adjustment can help. Perhaps he/she will also give you a sleeper better than benadryl.

[allme]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Shay)))))))))))))))))))))))) honey I hope you are feeling better after some sleep! Please let us know how you are

wingin it: I'm not medicated & never have been, so that's what makes this all REALLY fun. </sarcasm> But yeah... I'm incredibly manic &, as soon as I think it's tapering off, it just bites me in the *** yet again.

everyone else: Thanks for your support. I did finally wind up sleeping, but only after driving myself insane first... Hopefully today/tonight won't be as bad.

[Phoenix_1]

Hi Shay,

I hope you're feeling better tonight and can get some sleep. In the past, I've used benadryl and gravol to help me sleep. Just two tablets is all you need.

The NSAIDS worry me though - they cause ulcers and many other problems. If you want to go herbal, try white willow bark. It's safe and protects your stomach. It has the same ingredients as aspirin, in fact aspirin was developed from willow bark. It's an American Indian folk remedy. You can buy it at a health food store.

Thank you for that advice, Phoenix!! I usually adore herbal medicine in favour of... Medicinal medicine(?) whenever possible. Hahaha but when I've looked online for options they talk about scary stuff like Belladonna & stuff I already know about like Capsacin-type topical treatments. I've just been taking them so long because of my RA, but! I'm definitely in favour of trying something that won't wreck my body as severely.